As we celebrated this we also commemorated the “moving on” of our friend Tony. He has lived in the basement for the past year, and we have all grown to love his quite, mature, and sincere ways. We are not business people – and today I would rather not think of who will fill his space in our house... because no one will fill his space in our hearts. His situation was unique – as a married man in his thirties with a four year old half way across the world, his struggles were different than the other students, to whom he meant so much. His approach to life in the United States and studying was different as well. His leaving us is also unique, in that, though we will miss him, we hope not to see him again until his family as at his side.
For me personally, Tony has done more to remind me of the blessings of my life than any other person I know. Living with strangers – it is often awkward to share our worst family moments as well as our best. But no matter the blood-curdling fits my children threw, or the icy stares my husband shot my way – no matter how hard my family got my blood boiling – I could look across the table at Tony and see his clear eyes say, “You have them Amanda. They are here with you and that is enough.” No matter the weeds in the garden or yard, the leaks in the roof or basement – no matter the misplaced tool or broken hose – he would walk by my frustrated labors with eyes so full – as if to say, “You young kids, with no marketable skills – have a house – have a yard – and the time to take care of them both – I will work until I am 80 so that my son has a chance at a life like yours.” And my mind would cease to complain. Tony gave me an appreciation for my life. He had a crazy fun-house mirror reflection of my life effect on me- where everything bad became beautiful. This gift of true gratefulness for what I already possess – I think is the greatest gift one friend could give another.
He also gave honesty. He would often disappear from our lives for days, sometimes weeks at a time – studying, or just working through life with people in Chinese. But sometimes I think he avoided us because he couldn't help but be honest about his feelings and he didn't want to be honest. One of my most memorable moments with him was on Thanksgiving day. In the van on the way to Branson I was playing a game with the children and a few of the students, “Name 10 things you are thankful for.” After we had completed and had a few minutes of silence Tony said to my children, “Ok – now let's name ten things we hate.” I said, “ok Tony – you go first – what do you hate?”
“Oh – I hate A LOT of things.” This simple English honesty was a moment I will never forget – him baring his soul – that life is beautiful yes – but it can be ugly.
So Tony, Thank you – And I hate that China and your family are so far our house and our family. We hate that. But we are thankful for you.
After 12 hours at Silver Dollar City - we still weren't buying our kids food from the stands - Tony got Lucy a pretzel... silently - as if to say, "I don't know why you aren't feeding this kid but I've had enough - she can't starve."
1 comment:
Amanda, I cried through most of this because I too need to learn to be grateful for all times,good or bad, instead of waiting to see how it turns out. Thanks.
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