Not the first rodeo

So this month we have welcomed our 20^th student into our home. Outgoing and ongoing students have completed their yearly evaluations and we are contemplating the changes that have been made to us, by us and in us – as well as the changes we need to make. The evaluations are always a shock – completely proving to us how truly terrible we are at reading the student's unspoken opinions, needs and emotions. So... we are working on it. Constantly working on readjusting our expectations and interpretations of our cross cultural interactions. All that being said – that fact remains: This is no longer our first rodeo. We know now that the semester is going to flow like a roller coaster or a raging rapid – not a steady stream. We know that unspoken frustrations are going to fester and it apparently takes more than the jaws of life to pull them out into the open where there is healing. We know that each and every day the students are going to be EXHAUSTED from operating in a second language and foreign culture. We have invited in 6 people who have no choice to live in survival mode. We know that now. The buck of that isn't quite as shocking. Neither are the bruises from truth spoken in broken-blunt English. We know how cleanliness and quality time rank on their list of priorities – and how far pre-planning is out of their mode of operation. We know how late the nights get and how early the mornings come. We know that personality differences and family background take longer to unpack when intertwined with a culture not our own. We know that often times the culture and family differences are so OVERWHELMING they don't even know where to start with the questions... don't even know what piece of the puzzle to pick up first. We know that we are not what they expected. We know we are often not the people they hoped we would be. No matter what. Money gets in the way, time gets in the way, food gets in the way. Period. And because this isn't our first rodeo: we must be a little crazy to keep coming back... because you see – you know before you start all you can really hope for is a good 8 seconds and to not get kicked too hard in the head. And probably – eventually – you will. Get both – I mean. And I guess we think it is worth it still.

And I was thinking about Jesus... and I was thinking about all that the students have taught me about Him. And I was thinking that I am not His first rodeo either. When He invited me into his home... to adjust to the culture of His kingdom... he was not surprised to find me exhausted and operating in survival mode. He knew from days one that my mode of operation is completely contrary to the good and beautiful plan He has for my life. My bucks and bruises do not surprise him, my priorities and poor planning do not overwhelm Him. He was not surprised to find me an ungracious and ungrateful tenant of His universe. He is not surprised that I spend more time and energy trying to hide my emotions than it would ever take to share them. He is not surprised at how seldom I ask for advice... and then only in a REAL pinch. And He – just like us – would just like to help. He is so available to work things through... bit by bit... surprise by surprise. And He's got all the 8 seconds in the world... to go over it again... and again... and again with me... but maybe the statement he made to Saul on the road to Damascus was really meant for me, “It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”

It is. It is. And one day... this wild heart will be broken... not to pieces – but to peace. And I will not buck and I will not kick. I will not operate in survival mode but one who has truly found her Sabbath rest.

And I am so grateful to have found the One who thinks I'm worth it still.

Take #20... today.