This week Lucy turns 5. Next month I will no longer - ever again - be a mother of a preschooler. And everybody keeps asking me what I will do with all of my time. I think it is a polite questions but for some reason it just sounds like they think I have been sitting and staring at my children for the last 8 years - and now I am out of a job. Because I am generally a mean sarcastic person my pat response has been that, “at least now I won’t have to share my bon-bon’s.”
But yesterday I realized that I need to paint my garage... and that will be so easy - like a one week job to scrape and paint if I don’t have to constantly dismount the ladder to take people potty, break up fights and run munchkins to and from preschool.
Also. After I am done painting the garage I think I will become a shepherdess.
For real.
I already spend 5 hours a week preparing things for farmer’s market and 5 hours sitting in Dr’s waiting rooms, and 5 hours filing paperwork that no one will ever read, and 5 hours shopping for and cooking meals that are devoured in 10 minutes flat. I figure my time is really only worth about 10 cents an hour. So shepherding should fit right in with all the other monetarily pointless things I do. Also, the 300 international students in Hays will be so happy to have access to lamb. And considering they drive 2 hours now once a month to have a slaughtering party on some farm in St. John - why not bring the fun a little closer to home? And I have like 8 years of practice herding people who are more complicating to deal with than herding cats and slower than herding turtles. So how hard can sheep be? And besides... my poor husband will probably end up doing most of the work anyway... and he LOVES it when I sit on the couch and eat my bon-bon’s and think of things for him to do with all those hours he used to spend sleeping. Like going to a gym. He LOVES going to a gym with me at 6:00 am. Right honey? You want us to get a herb of sheep right?
Well, speaking of herding... there are 4 children trying to catch 5 stray kittens in my back yard and it starting to sound a little violent out there. Gotta go.
By the way-
The going rate for one lamb is $120.
Jarod says that the way that the guys feed the chickens - each egg we get costs Bethesda 50 cents. I figure you will be getting a $1,000 lamb for a steal. Place your order now.
Resume for herding:
This guy - he has more energy than 10,000 sheep. And is less cooperative - FOR SURE.
I have herded students picking and pitting cherries. And look - they are even smiling!
I herd other people's children in my time off. baby lambs aren't even as cute as these two.
I know the answer for all problems too - MORE FOOD.
I herd children with snakes. Like - at least once a week this summer
I herded a 4 year old on a 2 mile bike ride in 100 degree weather. Not the brightest idea. But we made it. So there.
We even have the shepherding clothing.
I find free food. Daily free ice cream cones on the way to Aikido.
I can do small groups.
Swimming groups.
And large groups. And large groups swimming. Oh my.
also - sheep don't have clothing. Which is good, because apparently I don't do so well with clothing.
And finally - I do cats. But let's no mention that I just found the children swinging the cats in the hammock. No - let's not mention that.
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