So this month we have welcomed our 20th
student into our home. Outgoing and ongoing students have completed
their yearly evaluations and we are contemplating the changes that
have been made to us, by us and in us – as well as the changes we
need to make. The evaluations are always a shock – completely
proving to us how truly terrible we are at reading the student's
unspoken opinions, needs and emotions. So... we are working on it.
Constantly working on readjusting our expectations and
interpretations of our cross cultural interactions. All that being
said – that fact remains: This is no longer our first rodeo. We
know now that the semester is going to flow like a roller coaster or
a raging rapid – not a steady stream. We know that unspoken
frustrations are going to fester and it apparently takes more than
the jaws of life to pull them out into the open where there is
healing. We know that each and every day the students are going to
be EXHAUSTED from operating in a second language and foreign culture.
We have invited in 6 people who have no choice to live in survival
mode. We know that now. The buck of that isn't quite as shocking.
Neither are the bruises from truth spoken in broken-blunt English.
We know how cleanliness and quality time rank on their list of
priorities – and how far pre-planning is out of their mode of
operation. We know how late the nights get and how early the
mornings come. We know that personality differences and family
background take longer to unpack when intertwined with a culture not
our own. We know that often times the culture and family differences
are so OVERWHELMING they don't even know where to start with the
questions... don't even know what piece of the puzzle to pick up
first. We know that we are not what they expected. We know we are
often not the people they hoped we would be. No matter what. Money
gets in the way, time gets in the way, food gets in the way. Period.
And because this isn't our first rodeo: we must be a little crazy to
keep coming back... because you see – you know before you start all
you can really hope for is a good 8 seconds and to not get kicked too
hard in the head. And probably – eventually – you will. Get
both – I mean. And I guess we think it is worth it still.
And I was thinking about Jesus... and I
was thinking about all that the students have taught me about Him.
And I was thinking that I am not His first rodeo either. When He
invited me into his home... to adjust to the culture of His
kingdom... he was not surprised to find me exhausted and operating in
survival mode. He knew from days one that my mode of operation is
completely contrary to the good and beautiful plan He has for my
life. My bucks and bruises do not surprise him, my priorities and
poor planning do not overwhelm Him. He was not surprised to find me
an ungracious and ungrateful tenant of His universe. He is not
surprised that I spend more time and energy trying to hide my
emotions than it would ever take to share them. He is not surprised
at how seldom I ask for advice... and then only in a REAL pinch. And
He – just like us – would just like to help. He is so available
to work things through... bit by bit... surprise by surprise. And
He's got all the 8 seconds in the world... to go over it again... and
again... and again with me... but maybe the statement he made to Saul
on the road to Damascus was really meant for me, “It is hard for
you to kick against the goads.”
It is. It is. And one day... this wild
heart will be broken... not to pieces – but to peace. And I will
not buck and I will not kick. I will not operate in survival mode but
one who has truly found her Sabbath rest.
And I am so grateful to have found the
One who thinks I'm worth it still.
Take #20... today.
