“Everything Good"

Saad Alnigather left us this week (not his real name by the way – they just gave that to him when he entered the country.) His real last name sounds like it is one syllable. I guess they were just trying to make things difficult for him. Like he needed more difficulty. His father died when he was 1 1/2 and he was raised by his mother and two sisters in Saudi Arabia. Think about that for a minute.

He DROVE cross country with his mother when he was 12 - because he was the man. He was NEVER disciplined because he was the son. He has the same liver problem that his father had – leaving him in great need of sleep, low in weight, and in sporadic fits of pain, sometimes sending him to the hospital for months on end. He is a small, shy, sleepy Muslim trying to learn English in Hays, Kansas. The least they could have done is give him the last name Smith. He thought so too – so he changed his name to “Happy Tippy” half way through his stay here. I will always just remember him as Happy Saad.

But I dare say, we will never understand him. The filial piety, the indirect communication that is nothing short of big fat lies, the respect, the communalism, the faith that borders on fatalism, the demand for holiness, the knowledge that holiness is not within us.

We had a conversation once, when his English was still something to reckon with, about the afterlife and how one secures a home with God. In short, he communicated the “Saad Standard” - he was pretty sure that anyone as good as or better then him was in. He also had a “Saad standard” in which a healthy diet required no vegetables and at least 4 snickers, coffees and cokes a day – as well as an after dinner pizza. He had his own time standards, cleanliness standards, money standards, communication standards, school standards, and sleep standards (at least 10 hrs. a day – and he did prefer them to be during the DAY.)

Happy Tippy – inhabited his own world but loved us in ours. Of the students he was the most likely to offer a hand in the kitchen – although he couldn't cut a potato to save his life. He was the most likely to offer me a candy and a tea and sit down for a long chat about our lives and feelings. He asked how I was doing in more than a passing sense, and when I asked him – no matter the situation his answer was, “everything good.”

At first I thought this was a way to avoid all confrontation and be overly polite. Then I found it annoying because he wouldn't vote in family discussion. Then I just found it utterly unhelpful but at least reliable in that I knew he really DIDN'T care about anything.

Three weeks ago, during one of our pre-dinner conversations he said to me, “Amanda, You know why everything good?”

“No Saad, why – please explain it?”

“Because my father die, my mother very sad, very hard. I in hospital month, month, month, very sick, very bad time. Now – the sun shine, I have friends, my mom happy I study, this better than that. This good. It doesn't matter.”

And I thought about it a lot. I thought about him hearing a tone of, “everything not quite good enough” in my voice – on perfectly good days. A tone of “maybe everything won't turn out ok.” And he had a confidence it would. I guess a faith. A faith so strong it easily falls into fatalism - like on the days he sleeps his classes away, and wakes to say “everything good.”

And I learned from him that the tight rope walk between faith and fatalism is a hard one to balance. But most days I am nowhere near the rope. I couldn't find fatalism in my soul if I wanted, so why am I so afraid to feel the faith that is in my head?

I believe in a sovereign God who works all things together for our good and His glory – that one day this world will be righted. I believe that He is using people to bring His kingdom to bear on this planet right now. I believe His hand is powerful and that it is not too short. That it reaches Saudi Arabia and that He wraps Saad in love...

Saad I do believe everything good.... I want to be an instrument of good and I want you to be an instrument of good too. Go Saad – know the God of goodness, and be everything good in your world.

Spring

So we went to Santa Fe over spring break - 12 of us - and it was the first time in 2 years this big old house had been empty. Literally. I think I could hear her sigh relief as we left the state.
And when we came back, through the snow storms of Colorado - it was spring in Kansas. Trees and flowers in full bloom, asparagus and peas clear through the rain drenched soil - a yard that needed mowed last week and a pond to de-scum. Friends ready to run and picnic at the park, foods ready to grill, a world record amount of marshmallows to roast, chickens to chase and every store calling my name with a perennial, "PLANT ME!"
I'm ready... I guess. I love spring and all it brings... even the changes - the dandelions and the Chinese stranger who offered to sauté some up for us (actually tasty). The soccer to cram into the already tight schedule the shorter nights and longer days - when homework just doesn't seem a priority when we are learning to ride a bike. And even the count down until the end of the school year.
We are gearing up for Easter and the Spring ice cream social - and today the ad came out in the campus flier that we are offering home stays. 4 calls. They all sound so friendly, and I should say, "We would love to have you stay with us, but you will have to pardon the crying over the loss of those you will be replacing."
Saad is leaving tomorrow and we are not sure what to say even.
So instead we take too many pictures and make jokes.
I say, we are offering a discount for any student who will pick and cook their own dandelion breakfast each morning.
Kills two bird with one stone. Always so many birds to kill - so much to get done... and so much to do well.
Too bad I am not in the mood to kill birds... I just want to hear them sing.
This spring I will listen.

Also, I have been told my captions suck - so here is my attempt at improved description.

We went to Bandelier National Monument and saw cliff dwellings from the Puebloan people of long ago. We joked about how we might be at the oldest cultural sight in our country... and yet it was still a millennia younger than the sights of our students' homes. The U.S. is perhaps historically impoverished.

We got into the modern art and music of Santa Fe. Well... a little...

Saad: The guy who is leaving us tomorrow. :(

Oh - these are the kids before the "World's largest Marshmallow Roast" in Marion, Ks on Saturday. Poor Lucy and Kinzie weren't even old enough to roast a mallow!!

Back in Santa Fe. Salah (Saad's Cousin and the only student staying with us through next year!) I think he would make a lovely cowboy. :)

This is Allen, Seonjin's boyfriend. He's nice. He has a good camera. We have adopted him as part of our family. And he is holding "baby monkey" (As Lucy was known on the trip.)

Like I said, "we got into the art of Santa Fe." :)

Kingson won the weirdest face award - I will cherish this photo FOREVER.

Oh here is is trapped in a freak snow storm in Raton NM - where we ate the worst Mexican food EVER. The best was in Dodge City, Ks.

Saad, Salah, Tony, Marrina, Jessie, Seonjin - behind them are some petra-glyphs ... and I can read the writing on the wall and I am pretty sure it says, "You will miss them when they are gone!"

Here the girls and I are at the top of the Tent Rocks - we were some amazingly unprepared but persistent hikers.
And they were climbers...

Oh - and back at the World's largest Marshmallow roast in my mom's home town--- I ran into about 20 relatives... here are my Uncle Rocky and Aunt Shirley Joe... off to the fire...aren't they adorable?

And here is a marshmallow eater if I ever saw one (oh and that little shadowy effect? not on purpose - my camera is just broken) Good thing spring break is over - I am tired out just by talking about it... and my camera is obviously done too.

The boy is 7 today.

My how times have changed, my how he has changed me – but I yet have much to learn. Many fantasies to dismiss and replace with the reality of being an imperfect parent who couldn't love their child more.
I didn't even think to blog for his birthday... actually, I sat down to write about the fact that 5 of our 6 students will be gone in 8 weeks and Jarod will have started his own business. I was thinking of the future, of the “what next?” Of next month, next week – the spring break trip to Santa Fe, and the Special Olympics tournament of tomorrow. I was thinking of the yesterday – the knee surgery of my mother, the party for Jude's class, and the design projects that sucked my winter. And then – I thought of today. Oh – if I would learn to live in the present – to love the present – wrapped in mundane intensity.
The present of fiber pop tarts that we discovered on a HUGE sale – laughed over and love.
The present of midnight shuffles to the bathroom – both of us desperate to keep sheets dry.
The present of loosing the camera more days of the month than not - and finding it with half-headed photos all through.
The present of the screaming of the “sponge bob square pants” theme songs from the too-long bath.
The present of “skill sets” I am not sure I am proud of.
The present of quite and quick prayers of sincerity.
The present of long conversations about “sexy” and “evolution” - even if they are to stave off bed time.
The present of i-pod obsessions, matched only by a desire to be read to.
The present of being clad in ONLY sweatpants for months on end. We must have 7 pair.
The present of stating his sister's “awkwardness” - with such pride in her individuality.
The present of him learning to ride his bike and tie his shoes and loose a tooth – all in HIS time.
The present of loving Asli's rice, the night time carrot, and only a few other foods without sugar.
The present of sincere gratitude for the clothesline on which to hang his art work.
The present of gum ball math, AR, and “red strips” - that are the first grade class he shares with us.
The present of a house filled with little feet that I can feel growing even as they run the loop past my office door.


The present of him – right now. My children give me such wonderful gifts each day... I think I can spring for that 3 pack of A-shirts he requested.



My men - after an early morning of hauling wood - we got some donuts before school. I'm pretty sure he went to school with that chocolate on his face.

Because I should blog

That's all there is to this – just sitting down because I haven't in a month.

Jude read the Bible for the first time Sunday, Psalm 119:9-16, all by himself and he understood what he read. It was beautiful – I almost cried – and Lucy has been walking around for 2 days now pretending she can read too. Actually Jude said he figured out he could read and understand it on time during a “REALLY LONG” Catholic Mass.

That's the news on the kids. They are beautiful, healthy and hilarious. Lucy still can't say her “s's” but she is getting closer every day. She still misses Asli, but has been a real trooper, serving me tea and plastic eggplants for months on end while I have been catching up on computer projects. Jude is doing so well in school – he hates it – but in an “every kid” kind of way. And besides he explained the reason for leap years... so he's contributing to society already.

I finished a video for our friend's the Lowery's as they head off into the wild world of raising financial support to go on the mission field in Thailand. If God tells you to – you should support them – they are really wonderful people. But deep down I think I am hoping that people only support them if He speaks to them in an audible “SUPPORT THE LOWERY'S” voice... because honestly our family is not thrilled with their leaving.
I am still working on that ridiculous brochure of Western Kansas but it is turning out really sweet I think, and I am almost (cross-my-fingers) done. I've begun working on a update of Bethesda's brochure, but have gotten a bit distracted with Santa Fe trip planning for our family of 12 over spring break.
I just came back from the most amazing weekend with Andrea in Dallas where we spent three days giggling like school girls and crying and eating – and commiserating our mommy-hood shortcomings. It was beautiful. REALLY – beautiful. Thank you.
So, I have been spending all this time on the computer and prepping for trips, and spring is coming early, biting at my heals and I would just honestly rather haul compost into my new raised beds than spend time journaling my life. But one day I will forget all this, so I should blog. I will forget that our church family just blessed us with beautiful support and that my mom went through the ringer finally trying to knee surgery. I will forget the painful, yet exciting transition months as old students prepare to leave and new students begin to look at the home. I will forget the Numana conference, Faisal's lovely art show, Turkey's warm visit and that Jarod got a 91% on a test – when he gave himself an ulcer thinking he might not pass. These winter months have passed quickly and this has been a house of learning and growth as always. “Dynamic,” Heather says. Yes. Just no time to contemplate the dynamism and what exactly it might be doing to our souls.

But – just because I know a lot of mom's read my blog – and I don't want to forget, I will share one of my favorite things from the mom conference. I am implementing a lot of these into our family life.

1.When you child asks a stupid question – because there are STUPID questions – instead of going into a lecture just says, “I'll give you two guesses.” For example the daily winter question of, “Why do I have to where a coat?” Should not be followed by a weather report or an assertion of authority but rather, “I'll give you 2 guesses” - and when they say “because it is cold” - you get to tell them how smart they are and how much you love them.
2.In any given repeat situation where you normally lecture your children, for example, being too loud, being mean to someone, not eating their food, asking for candy at 9 a.m. You just ask them, “What am I going to say?” And chances are they can give your lecture for you. It saves so much time, and they can practice their public speaking on a rehearsed speech.
3.“Do overs”. This means that anytime someone does something wrong, instead of getting mad, just ask them if they would like to “do that over.” For example when Jude hits Lucy for taking away a LEGO piece I can say, “Jude, let's do that over.” Practice makes perfect... and the best part is MOMMYS get do over's too – like when I flip out I can say, “Crazy lady is gone now – let's do that over with nice mommy.”
4.Remember – they are not out to get you. No one in your house is conspiring to make it filthy, or to somehow magically all be picky about a different food, or to wear a ridiculous amount of clothing, or get sick one after another for a month on end. It just happens – it isn't against you and your plan.
5.And finally. God is not finished. With them. With me. We get to be a work in process together – growing and changing every day. Love that process... love being a part of other's process and allow them to grow you as well.

Isaiah 55:8-12
The Message
"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work." God's Decree.

"For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think.


Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth,

Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed.


They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them. "So you'll go out in joy, 
you'll be led into a whole and complete life. The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias, 
no more thornbushes, but stately pines— Monuments to me, to God, living and lasting evidence of God."


Also... Lucy has been getting into photography lately which is good - because I've been getting out of it (I think sub-consciously to shorten the time it takes me to make the stupid year end video!!)
Here's a great photo that she posed with me and chit-chit... one of the few where she got more than 1/2 my head.


She's also been into makeup and riding bikes. She really is a born leader... roping grandparents into being models and students into building bike ramps.




And here's some photos of the amazing girls weekend. Please note that the bedtime gloves are to heal my cracked and bleeding hands (aren't your proud Al?) And yes, we did eat at rain forest cafe without children :)



Have a mentioned that SOMETIMES - I am a fun mom and we eat ice cream, cram way too many kids in our van, or let them throw baseballs at each other? :) shsshhhh.. don't tell the health/safety mommy police.




My poor mother... she has to put up with a lot, and dad and I just aren't the support she needs during rough times. But here's what I am thinking... if I can't figure out how to be a nice daughter, God at least put all of these international students in her life - through my life - so they can all tell her how wonderful, beautiful, and amazing she is.

They are right - she is.. and I hope she has a wonderful birthday tomorrow and an even better knee surgery next week :)