Non-dramatic

So this all started with my soon-to-be diet. In an effort to shrink my ever growing ability to out-eat both man and beast – I developed a one week “juice fast” that is going to rock my world – well, at least my first week of August. Once I had skeemed and obsessed long enough about whether or not to included raw oats – I asked my friend who is a nutritionist what he thought of the whole plan. He looked at me blankly, “What exactly is the goal?”
“To stop overeating – to shrink my stomach - so I am no longer hungry for 3 helpings.” I replied.
After a few minutes of listening to my thoughts and lifestyle plans, I again asked, “What do you think?” - expecting of course that he would think I was a nutritional genius.
But instead, “Well, I guess you can do that if you want. But what you really need to do – what I would advise is to do is - CHEW.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know, just slow down when you eat, listen to your body and chew about twice as much - you'll eat half.”

SERIOUSLY? CHEW? That was so anti-climatic!!! Especially after my weeks of planning and tabulating – he tells me all I need to do is chew. That's so simple. Where is the drama in that? The re-ordering of my life? The accomplishment? The difficulty of it all? It's too EASY.
Except it is not. I have trying to chew for a week – and it isn't working. I haven't slowed down one bit. Julia, our “rice counter” as her mother dubbed her – still literally finishes dinner 20 minutes after me. I don't exactly know what she is doing at her end of the table but I think it involves chewing. I might need classes.

And then I got to thinking. We are obsessed with drama. We are not fans of normal and easy. We want it over the top. Not simple but drawn out and fascinating. Not effective really – just interesting. like cabbage diets - or south beach - Atkins - or juice or whatever. And that is how we do life. No moderation, no simple, slow and effective. We don't really like chewing.

We have TV shows on building sandcastles and couponing – there is even a show about a guy who runs gas stations. They made it extreme.

Think of love songs, “there ain't no Mountain high enough – there ain't no river wide enough....” And I'm sure there's not – we will do any DRAMATIC thing for love – but once we reach that mountain hight and our beloved starts leaving every cabinet door open or picking their feet while you watch TV - It's all over. Loving like that is too simple. It's chewing. I think I could love Jarod really well if he had a terminal illness – but he is rather annoying and whiny with an ear infection. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

And economically and politically we create these grand extremist plots that tick off half the population – instead of everybody just giving a little. A little. I don't want anyone to OVERHAUL anything – I just want all those big hot shots to cut something - A LITTLE. But where is the drama in that? The accomplishment?

And then of course there is my spiritual life. I'd like a little more drama – a little less “chewing”. I think I might be willing to burn at the stake for Jesus – just as long as he doesn't ask me to give too much before I burn. Like, I'd rather not babysit a whole bunch or share my bathroom with a stranger. I'd rather not cut back on my yelling and pity parties. I'd rather not wake up a few minutes early to pray – or call someone that I know will spend two hours “dumping on me”. Those things are just too simple. Unnoticeable even. Unmentionable. Like saying, “I'm going on a chewing diet.”
“I'm working on being loving this week.” Big whoppty-do.
No one is going to make a TV show about that. No one is even going to write a blog about that. Which is why I have decided to go on the “juice fast” after all – because it requires NO CHEWING AT ALL. And while I'm at it, I think I am going on a media fast too for a week - no computer at all -because I can't just slow down my consumption - that would be too easy.

I'll work on being non-dramatic in September.