If death is going to come upon us suddenly, suffocating a soul from our midst on a hot summer afternoon, it could at least come with civility. But no, instead, death comes sneakily and rudely, leaving us all standing in a room feeling more exposed and awkward than had we shown up to church naked with warts.
Those naturally talkative become unbearably annoying and overpowering. Those naturally quite slide along the brick walls until their fingers bleed. The teenagers text "my bro is dead" to someone... somewhere... and the old men look down at something... down there... very interesting. The family divides try to fit themselves back together like puzzle pieces that have been gnawed by a dog. We cry with strangers... and wonder if it is possibly ok – not to cry – for just a moment.
Because what do you say? (I'm sorry - 1000 times). What do you do? (Buy the third 20 lb. bag of ice - just in case.) When a perfectly healthy kid who pushed your daughter on the tire swing less than 24 hours ago - “doesn't make it” ? Is taken by a “freak accident” or the “Will of God”? I'll tell you what we did.
We stood around like a 200 lb. 13 year old boy who doesn't quite know when to bathe, when to talk, when to laugh, or what to do.
We were all awkward today Bryce – in honor of you – and we would have done anything to get another wiff of your unbathed beastly body and catch a glimpse of your half smile on your sunburned face. So much for all of our worry over skin cancer. You would have made an excellent Grandpa... we always thought you were made for being the world's best giant teddy bear grandpa, since you were 2 years old and had that walker... you were so darn cute...
Then you got awkward... and we all knew you'd grow out of it... and then you died... and we all got awkward... and I wonder... will we grow out of it or will there always be this giant teddy bear shaped hole in the room any time we get together? If you weren't so big... if you weren't so young...
No comments:
Post a Comment