There is a certain part of me that lives in denial of the evil that exists in this world. This part of me disbelieves that people not only drive drunk but they actually drink while driving. It is the part of me that doesn’t believe that parents can also be thieves – thus I have now had 2 strollers stolen - because I refuse to put locks on them. And it is the part of me that is still saying, “My friends don’t get murdered,” four days after we learned that one of the most passionate, motivated, intelligent, and inspiring (not to mention entertaining) of our friends from high school was killed by an ex-boyfriend. Three days after they found the on-the-run murderer who killed himself in jail – and only two days before her funeral, part of me really truly doesn’t believe any of this happened.
I guess it is the part of me that is still semi-ok with bringing another little helpless baby into this fallen and evil world sometime this week. It is the part of me that protects myself from my own lack of faith in a truly Sovereign God who in the midst of the reality of deep evil is working all things together for His glory and our good. It’s a naive part of me that died long ago in the majority of people who have been faced head-on with this kind of evil much earlier in life. I don’t know whether I should attempt the 4-hour journey to the funeral and finally face reality straight on or if I should sit in expectation of this little one to come – painting more onesies and pretending for a few more years that my children can be protected from a reality of evil that I am not strong enough to face.
Habakkuk 1:2-4
How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
1 comment:
It was good to see you on Wednesday... though I wish it hadn't been under those particular circumstances.
The conversation that I had in my head (though it never made its way out) was that you looked good, and congrats on the baby, and how was life- it looked like it was treating you well.
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