The Blue Horse:

Bare with me.

On Wednesday night I have the greatest group of prayer partners. They are all under 10 years old. I often have to explain what we are praying for and we do a lot of jumping, yelling and laughing during our prayers. They NEVER pray about stuff they don't care about. They don't care if they should care about it or if I have told them to pray about it 10 times. They always pray what they do care about – even if each other child has prayed for it. TWICE. They go ahead and cover it again. Cat health over presidential elections. This last Wednesday night I mentioned that a friend of mine was having trouble with schizophrenia and he really needed our prayers. Blank stares. Quick definition pulled out of my ear: When your brain tells you horrible lies again and again and you can't make it stop – like “nobody loves you, your life is terrible, people want to hurt you, God can't forgive you, and you should just die.” This prayer request got covered TWICE by EVERYBODY in our little circle. This is serious business – you know – when your brain gets out of control like that.

So last night our family was reviewing our verse for this year, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phil 4:8.

Jarod pulled out the command: Do NOT think about a blue horse. Immediately Jude began to giggle. Then Jarod said it again and Jude got very serious for three seconds and then began to giggle. Jarod asked what he was thinking about and Jude totally shocked said, “A blue horse. I CAN'T stop thinking about it.” Three minutes this went on – him trying to control his mind as Jarod told him to STOP thinking about it. Our 7 year old came to the stark realization that you can not focus on NOT focusing on something and was a ASTONISHED by this truth. Few moments are as rewarding in parenthood as when you see your small child grasp a large truth. We began to focus on thinking about a sunset (all-be-it a blue horse galloped across it at first.)

February 2011 Andrea challenged me to write down 1000 things I was grateful for. I finished this morning. It shouldn't have taken 2 years. (Especially since I wrote the last 46 this morning in 12 minutes.) But you see... I spend a lot of time listening to the blue horses in my head and then focusing on NOT thinking about the blue horses. I forget to focus on the fullness of the sunset – I forget the truths – I forget to take time to count. I'm a little spiritually mentally ill. A little bit of a child. I am thankful that the mentally ill and the children are willing to teach me. These things need double prayer to heal. SO I'll keep counting...

P.S. Jessice Poundstone – the big black blank book gifted to me over 8 years ago. It is full. Thank you for having faith that God would fill my life with thoughts for that great blankness that sat in front of me.