Non-dramatic

So this all started with my soon-to-be diet. In an effort to shrink my ever growing ability to out-eat both man and beast – I developed a one week “juice fast” that is going to rock my world – well, at least my first week of August. Once I had skeemed and obsessed long enough about whether or not to included raw oats – I asked my friend who is a nutritionist what he thought of the whole plan. He looked at me blankly, “What exactly is the goal?”
“To stop overeating – to shrink my stomach - so I am no longer hungry for 3 helpings.” I replied.
After a few minutes of listening to my thoughts and lifestyle plans, I again asked, “What do you think?” - expecting of course that he would think I was a nutritional genius.
But instead, “Well, I guess you can do that if you want. But what you really need to do – what I would advise is to do is - CHEW.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know, just slow down when you eat, listen to your body and chew about twice as much - you'll eat half.”

SERIOUSLY? CHEW? That was so anti-climatic!!! Especially after my weeks of planning and tabulating – he tells me all I need to do is chew. That's so simple. Where is the drama in that? The re-ordering of my life? The accomplishment? The difficulty of it all? It's too EASY.
Except it is not. I have trying to chew for a week – and it isn't working. I haven't slowed down one bit. Julia, our “rice counter” as her mother dubbed her – still literally finishes dinner 20 minutes after me. I don't exactly know what she is doing at her end of the table but I think it involves chewing. I might need classes.

And then I got to thinking. We are obsessed with drama. We are not fans of normal and easy. We want it over the top. Not simple but drawn out and fascinating. Not effective really – just interesting. like cabbage diets - or south beach - Atkins - or juice or whatever. And that is how we do life. No moderation, no simple, slow and effective. We don't really like chewing.

We have TV shows on building sandcastles and couponing – there is even a show about a guy who runs gas stations. They made it extreme.

Think of love songs, “there ain't no Mountain high enough – there ain't no river wide enough....” And I'm sure there's not – we will do any DRAMATIC thing for love – but once we reach that mountain hight and our beloved starts leaving every cabinet door open or picking their feet while you watch TV - It's all over. Loving like that is too simple. It's chewing. I think I could love Jarod really well if he had a terminal illness – but he is rather annoying and whiny with an ear infection. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

And economically and politically we create these grand extremist plots that tick off half the population – instead of everybody just giving a little. A little. I don't want anyone to OVERHAUL anything – I just want all those big hot shots to cut something - A LITTLE. But where is the drama in that? The accomplishment?

And then of course there is my spiritual life. I'd like a little more drama – a little less “chewing”. I think I might be willing to burn at the stake for Jesus – just as long as he doesn't ask me to give too much before I burn. Like, I'd rather not babysit a whole bunch or share my bathroom with a stranger. I'd rather not cut back on my yelling and pity parties. I'd rather not wake up a few minutes early to pray – or call someone that I know will spend two hours “dumping on me”. Those things are just too simple. Unnoticeable even. Unmentionable. Like saying, “I'm going on a chewing diet.”
“I'm working on being loving this week.” Big whoppty-do.
No one is going to make a TV show about that. No one is even going to write a blog about that. Which is why I have decided to go on the “juice fast” after all – because it requires NO CHEWING AT ALL. And while I'm at it, I think I am going on a media fast too for a week - no computer at all -because I can't just slow down my consumption - that would be too easy.

I'll work on being non-dramatic in September.

On this your third birthday

This morning - with her second breakfast of "baby 'matos"

Your favorite meal is noodles – your greatest disappointment is when someone makes the noodles too “picy.”
You eat and dribble baby “matos” like they are candy … carrying around the produce bowl, from room to room making me beam with nutritional pride and cringe with the thought of the mess.
Your cheeks are too big and saggy, your eyes like the moon -and your hair – like wisps of insanity.
You'll wear nothing but a dress and always show your underwear – which are 9 times out of ten falling down. That is if you are not in a princess costume or tu-tu. These are your preferred states if you can't be NAKED.
Your brother adores you. That's it. Adores you anyway. After a million, “LUUUCCCYYY!!!!” shreeks at the end of any day – he adores you. And, that, my daughter, is grace.
You desire him, to play with him, be with him, pee before he pees, eat what he eats, talk to him, talk at him, read at him, be read to by him, question him, deny him, boss him, and seek affirmation from him.
From all of us, “Right?, Right? Right?” - you say all day long – seeking full approval of your every word and thought. And, “actually” - correcting yourself and others, as you go.
And your “papa,” your “daddy” - is wrapped around your finger – he is hopelessly in love -worthless when it comes to actually disciplining you constructively in teachable moments, because he says, “she's cute – and she cuddles”. But you might be the only person who can get under his skin and make him insane faster than me.
You aren't even on the charts for weight, but considering the Dr. asked if you are getting, “at least 60 minutes of activity a day,” and I don't think you are inactive 6 minutes a day – their scale might be irrelevant for you.
The whole world might be irrelevant to you. At least 4 women from 4 different countries have said, “I admire her – she is so sure of herself.”
You are just three. How do I foster that wonderful confidence while the world assaults you with your faults and differences? And how do I, at the same time teach you the humility, that just maybe, just once in a while, someone else is right, and just maybe, once in a while, “me do it – me self” is not the best way?
I don't know. I don't know how to parent you at all.
When you stick your fingers in your ears instead of crying when your dad loses his temper.
When you put yourself in time out – because frankly you just need a break from me.
When you insist on doing your puzzles face down.
When you eat with your fingers like a Saudi, and still say “agua” like you live in Honduras.
You stole my confidence while in utero. But you have taught me how to pray. How to beg at Jesus feet – for something good for your future. Not come from me. For our future relationship, in spite of me.
I love you Lu.

For the sake of amnesia

I obviously don't make the time to be keep a decent blog – hence the blog I have. But I have it - because I know the dark truth about mommy amnesia. You see, I have friends with babies – friends who are potty training and friends who are fighting weird baby health issues and normal 2 year old behavioral problems. I don't actually remember any of that stuff – I know it was only a couple of years ago – and I think it was hard – but I honestly don't remember.
I also know about ministry amnesia. I know people who are discouraged by tough finances, delayed deadlines, non-responsive people, overly demanding people, dashed expectations, building plans gone awry, and spiritual lives drained to the dregs. Those times are so demanding that as soon as you leave them you develop amnesia. Like you block out all memories that were moments more than you could handle, (sometimes I wonder how my mother-in-law, raising for kids by herself, has any memory at all).
I want to chronicle the “too-much” moments in my life so that I can be gracious to those who are currently living them in theirs. I never want to give the "always-running late mom" a look of, “get it together.” I never want to give the crying pastor's wife the look of, “dry up.” So I blog to help cure my amnesia.
I also know – from too many desperate conversations, that in the midst of difficulty... of the dropping naps or bringing in new people adjustment moments – we forget to see the people. We miss the joy of the moments. So I may miss them while they are happening but I will at least force myself to sit down and chronicle them here. “The documentation,” as Alison puts it, “is so extensive – more than anyone has.” Yes, that is true, but this documentation... may it be a tool to make me humble and gracious and thankful ALWAYS.

Documentation: While typing this - I disciplined at my daughter for jumping on her bed while she was supposed to be napping, gave up on forcing my niece to eat eggs, facebook messaged two Chinese students who have been awaiting my response for over two weeks, and successfully avoided cleaning out those closets and scrubbing my floors – yet again. Also, we buried a turtle this morning and contracted someone to paint our trim, because I am OBVIOUSLY NOT getting that done. But I really should work on the Western Kansas freelance brochure I have been contracted for... to offset the $ to paint the house trim. Yes, let's all have a good laugh – I am going to “advertise” Western Kansas. Hypocrite? Actually – I am happy here- why couldn't someone – ANYONE else be?

Jude got to pitch the first pitch in a local semi-pro baseball game.


Lucy got a free hotdog while her brother pitched - and these photos reminded me so much of a photo on my blog 3 years ago - Jude -after a hot dog - age 3.




Here are some photos from my NJ cousins' trip to KS - it is a good thing I have these two photos because when I downloaded them I was seriously surprised to remember that this little trip had happened just last month.



Here's our pond before it got too scummy... there will be no more pictures of it - I'd rather have amnesia.



Here are the kids with their "homemade R2D2"


This is my only good photo of a 5 days AMAZING visit from the Bernard family. The better photographer is sending my proper documentation of the whole event :).


Colorado:









some Documentation of our 2 day colorado family get-away. Look closely because it may be the last trip we ever take our kids on - they prefer the grandparents who buy more tokens and ice cream and have fewer picnic lunches and required naps.

I like required naps - I also apparently like leftover strawberry birthday cake - I just ate two whole pieces - straight from the pan - dirtying six forks because all I wanted was "one bite" each time. Documented. Note to self: next time just get a plate.