DNDIY

(please note this post may be somewhat warped by the outside temp of 102 – or my personal temp of 100 due to some summer-body-ache-up-all-night-illness)

Last August, when our students still thought our daily life was interesting, Marinna went to the local hardware store with me. It was one of probably four trips for me that week as we were still deep into our basement project. It was her first trip to such a place in her life.
She stared around in bored awe – not understanding one thing she saw – probably how I would look at the tools needed to fix the hubble telescope. Why even bother to ask what something is or what something does if you won't understand the answer?
She calmly stated, “Oh I know – this is for DIY. You Americans really like DIY. We don't.”
“Oh, how I hate misconceptions of internationally broadcasted television,” I thought. “No.” I said, “actually we don't like DIY – it is just so expensive to hire someone that we are forced to do it ourselves.”
“Yes it is cheap to hire labor in China, but a lot of us don't have any extra money. We wouldn't know how. How do you know how?”
I wanted to say.... “See that our basement is STILL leaking? We obviously don't know how either.” But the truth was, Jarod and my dad can do about anything... I don't know how other DIY'ers do it but these guys are amazing. They have taken a 50 gallon leak down to a small trickle with some rain barrels, dirt and some chewing gum – for $500.00 instead of $5,000. But still I said, “We don't know exactly what we are doing but both of our grandfathers did, my dad and uncle do, and Jarod just figures stuff out as we go along. We don't like this – but it allows us to have the kind of home and life we like – full of beauty and people – that's why we DIY.”
But I am a big fat lier.
We finished the house an we started the man cave. Half-way through the man cave we started the yard – the hand trenching of waterlines and electrical lines and building a dry river bed – half-way through that we started the pond and during DIYing the pond we discuss the porch that needs to be done and the fence -and peppered through the last year are of course a million little DIY projects lurking around every corner that need to be done in a 100 year old house – turned dorm.
Then we started the waterfall. And half-way through shoveling out the second truck bed of rock in 100 degree heat, I thought, “we don't need a freaking waterfall!”
I think we are addicted to DIY. I look at our garage that for a year has looked like the hardware store just puked all over it. Our garage looks like a DIY vomit volcano and our children spew the words, “When are we going to finish... XYZ...” like memorized play parts. There are half-used remnants of our projects everywhere and all I can think of is the verse from Proverbs, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” That is me every time I go into my garage. That is Jarod every time I ask him what he is thinking, in a quite moment before we fall asleep or on the way home from church and all he can spew is some technical mumbo-jumbo about the waterfall.
Should I start a DIY'ers anonymous? Is there need for it out there? Should I just move to Suadi Arabia and hire their laborers, as we are told it only costs $17 to have a whole room painted professionally? What is the answer? I don't know – but I was going to hire someone to paint the trim of our house... I really was – but then we learned that we'd have to call a certified lead guy – and they would tape off our house as hazardous and charge us 10 times as much. So I'll be DIYing that... while my children eat the lead paint chips, I'm sure.
But for what it is worth – like the guy smoking a cigarette through his hole in his neck – telling you that smoking isn't cool – I am telling you DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. AT ALL COSTS - DNDIY!!!!