APPLYING TO BE OPRAH

So, I’m naive. I have hinted at it before but today’s post is gonna make that blaringly obvious (I just want you all to know - that I know). Until the last year, my life was (I thought) totally uninfluenced by Oprah Winfrey. I didn’t watch the show, didn’t talk to people who watched the show, and was only vaguely aware of her “book club” and her other influential presence in our culture. Then two things happened:
1. I got pregnant and tired and started doing my laundry at 4:00 on Mondays while Jude napped – So I’d hook up our bunny ears, turn on the TV to our 1 channel and watch Oprah once a week and “veg out.”
2. 2. I started getting these emails and hearing these comments about the church of Oprah and how “evil” all these books were that she was promoting – like “The Secret” and “A New Earth”.
I became fascinated. 22 million viewers, instant success (an extra million copies of a book sold) if an author makes it on Oprah, overwhelming cultural acceptance of countercultural behavior if promoted by her, she has more credibility and influence among the public than any other political or media figure… and I had up until this point thought she was just non-prime-time entertainment for people who were WAY TOO BORED.
Then I thought, well if she is this influential I really should see about these books that “everybody” is reading, ‘cause there is nothing I distaste more than someone mocking or being frightened of my spiritual views when they haven’t read the Bible or any Christian classics, - so I try not to do that to others.
Off to the library I went in search of Eckart Tolle. They had 8 copies – more than usual – but ok, it’s popular. I went down to the stacks where it should have been. But it’s not there. Back upstairs to double check the call number – back downstairs – no book – back upstairs – ask librarians who I know well. They stare at me – stunned – and point to the adjacent wall – the first thing I should have seen as I walk in to the library and say, “That’s an Oprah book club book and they are all right there.”
I can’t believe it – there are so many copies of each book and they are in such a prominent place I had always assumed them to be reference sets or something – like encyclopedias. At that moment the only thing I could think was, “I want to be Oprah.” She has so much more than fame – she has the ability to make other people famous. “How do I apply for that job?”
Since I couldn’t find an Oprah job application I just sat down and read the book. I won’t get into my thoughts on it but just know that if I were Oprah it SO WOULDN’T make my list… nor would anything with such blaring chronological snobbery and self-absorption and inconsistencies. (If you’ve read it and want to talk more about it give me a call – or if you haven’t read it but are interested, it might do you some good to be familiar with some of the key concepts and their usage like “Ego” “I Am” and “Pain body” because in like 10 years they will be incorporated deeply in our culture and we won’t even know where they came from.)
Today, I don’t have a book club and I really don’t want to sit around criticizing someone else’s (because -face it- it would be a really tough job to decide in what direction to totally shift our culture) – and I don’t have a 22 million person following, I just thought I’d be your Oprah for the day. Enjoy.

Journalistic bit on safety: Whatever you do – do not take your child to the county fair and let him ride on something that looks like this – no matter how much he begs… even I know it is a death trap… cause I think it was there and dilapidated when I was his age. And besides – what is it? And where are the children supposed to come out? They just keep going in… and oh never mind it is too scary…


Personal interest story (translation – it would have no personal interest to anyone had Oprah not plugged it):




(3 a.m. photos of me and Meg in high school making donuts at Daylights)

Afterward I think I would turn from the big screen on the wall to the audience with a big tear in my eye and say, “We’ll be right back after this commercial for Krispy Kremes.”


Fashion plug: (One day I watched a whole show on finding the perfect pair of black pants – they ranged from $500 to $50… and she thought they were a steal!!! And then promised a coming show on the perfect jeans. PLEASE!!! NO!!) So here is my tip – call my friend Lori at the community assistance center (785) 625-9110 and make a $50 donation to feeding the poor in our community and I bet she’ll send you 10 different black pants in your size. I mean I am not a seamstress but there can only be so many ways to cut material… and fashions recycle (in case you hadn’t noticed) so you are bound to get a hand-me-down in the right style!

Home and Garden: I don’t have an interior decorator – and although my garden is producing like gang-buster it pretty much looks like a garbage heap – so instead I thought I’d show you some photos from my Aunt and Uncle’s… I think they have got the best home and garden around… mostly cause it is filled with lots of love… oh and ‘cause who else says pumpkins in August?





Poet plug: check out our friend at http://www.knifegunpen.com/ - my personal favorite is “Jesus wants to make you a millionaire.”

Best cook around: So one day she talked with some famous guy (sorry didn’t know him) and his wife who was like 30 years younger than him. Come to find out, the famous singer guy didn’t want to be on the show but his wife had just written a cookbook so she talked all about that. And near as I can tell the most creative thing she had to offer was to sauté your veggies before you put them in your meatloaf. Hmmmm… for some real creative cooking try thepioneerwoman.com (the stuffed Roma tomatoes are to die for!) and she is hilarious.

Health: Now, I don’t have my personal Dr. Oz but I am kind of getting sick of how many creative ways people think they need to repeat nutrition information – the truth is people don’t REALLY WANT to be healthy – it’s just not worth it to them… but just in case I’m wrong I’ll give it one last shot.
Smoking is bad for you.
Fat and grease are bad for you.
Nothing good comes of eating an Oreo. Are you surprised?
You should exercise.
You should eat veggies.
And apparently if something comes in a box or can or plastic wrap and is frozen or freeze dried and processed in some way and is REALLY EXPENSIVE – but has an approval sticker by someone in the diet industry it is WAY BETTER FOR YOU than fresh produce.
Got it? Good.

Politics: Sorry, I can’t officially indorse anyone in D.C. or anyone interested in going to D.C. but I am in the process of reading Shane Claiborne’s, Jesus for President – it has me way out of my comfort zone and I am only on ch. 2 (Check back next week to see if it makes it to my book list) Oh and if you want to read it – you will probably have to request your library purchase it for you… at least I had to… since it hadn’t made it to Oprah’s reading list yet.

Philanthropy: Well, I don’t have much money to throw around but if I did I would probably throw it in the direction of these people: www.pettengillmissionaries.org.
P.S. They do medical clinics in poor neighborhoods in Honduras as well as teach the gospel and they are in huge need of a truck right now to haul medical equipment… so if anyone has any ideas or money…

Spirituality: Hmmm… I am really enjoying the book of the 12 right now – also known as the minor prophets. Not only do they use beautiful imagery they are so applicable to today… and so convicting to me… but be careful, they aren’t very “seeker friendly” or “touchy feely” - they pretty much tell it like it is: humanity is messed up – you and me – we are messed up and greedy and yucky and we create some messed up societies– and we need a messiah, we need a new heart… it is the only hope

What do you think? Could I be Oprah? I didn’t think so… but I couldn’t find an application out there anyway. But I'm sure if I did it would ask if I had potential to have really bad hair days... and at least I have that going for me.



(Thanks Meg for the photos from memory lane!)