women of yesteryear

Last week Jarod went to visit his grandmother in Iowa (Whom I have previously referenced as the woman who was willing to eat a dead pigeon rather than see it go to waste). As Jarod was getting ready to leave she generously offered him dozens of canning jars for me to use this summer. Being the ever protective and practical husband that Jarod is, he declined the jars.
“Thanks grandma but I don’t think she’ll be needing those this summer.”
“Why not?”
“Well with the new baby and everything…”
“Oh, I canned with all four of mine.”
“Grandma, times have changed.”
“I understand, a polite way of saying, ‘No’”
“Thanks anyway grandma.”
As he recounted this conversation to me, I once again became fully aware of my rampant schizophrenic thought life:
“What was she thinking? Seriously, I’m already tired enough!”
“What was he thinking? I could can if I wanted to… I could – I have plenty to can.”
“Obviously, her children were not born in the middle of a Kansas summer… obviously she has forgotten what it is like.”
“Obviously, Jarod has no idea what I am capable of and he hasn’t been eyeing the plethora of apples and pears soon to freely fall into our hands.”
“Yes, times have changed – I don’t need to can – it isn’t even economically practical anymore.”
“So what if times have changed, Jarod – there is still produce to put up and mouths to feed – and it is my job to do that - so butt out and bring on the jars.”

Aaawww… sweet mental illness – sweet super markets. Times have changed but here is what I am wondering. Have we? I mean, could the most competent among us (that would be Sommer who raises 7 children and still manages to shave her legs every day) go back in time 50 years? Could we, if we had to, wash all our clothes, including newborn diapers, by hand while putting up enough food from the garden we tend to feed a family (not reduced in size by birth control) through a winter without reliable heat or transportation? Could I have been my grandmothers? If not, is anyone studying this downward adaptation to see if we are de-evolving ourselves? If I could be as competent as previous generations of women, why do I feel like one more child in disposable diapers – with a washing machine - is going to push me to my limit? Is it just completely true that God only give us as much as we can bear?

So the conversation within me continues:
“We should move 3rd world – see what we are really capable of – stop taking advantage of pre-made meals and electricity. We are responsible to help our children be better and stronger than us… we gotta get out of here!”
“I should see about getting cable TV and scour the internet for delectable bon-bons and leather sofas… if I am gonna de-evolve I should do it in style.”

We’ll see how the summer goes…


hey at least I can make my photos look vintage ... even if I couldn't be (Thanks for the tip Jessica - and everyone else really should try http://labs.wanokoto.jp/olds)


the awesome grasshopper mask Jude made at library accented by the frog galoshes handed down from cousin Laurel... thanks guys... now he's just a little bit weirder...

goofing off and growing

Jude’s helmet fetish is well known. The official helmet count is 10 but this yellow bucket serves well as a, “soccer helmet,” he says. (Although, I have seen him use it for both basketball and golf, as well). See Alison, our non-protective ways are turning him into an over-self-protective child. I’m sure he’ll be in therapy for that.

I had some time to take photos this weekend of “how my garden grows.” And a shot of “how the belly grows,” for my mama who is far from here. (Don’t worry mom you aren’t missing anything)



(You should’a seen this pregnant woman run to get in this self-timed photo!)

Jarod and Jude were in Iowa this weekend for Jarod’s great uncle’s funeral. In fact, this weekend was so devoid of people that at one point I thought, “If I have this baby, Bob and Mark are my nearest of kin to be in the delivery room.”
On Friday, we had an ultrasound (#4) just to “make sure everything was ok” because I am still measuring small (2 weeks small – plus or minus 2 weeks… so basically a hospital donation of $500). Anyway, haven’t heard anything. Baby is head down though…. And I am feeling “crafty” so something’s gotta be up…



The cradle and my "crafty" onsies - would it be too rude to make one that says, "baby talk is annoying" ?

SPECIAL ADDITION: Because I can, because I have time (you SO don’t have time to read this).

So, I am a binge reader and a verbal processor (which means I puke the things I have read all over the people around me). Unfortunately for you, literally everyone I know is either gone or busy this weekend which has led to an excessive binge read unlike any I have had since the days when I was learning to nurse Jude and I read everything I could get my hands on – including the “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.” So here I purge (because lucky Jarod is gone).
But first let me explain how and why I read… because I don’t think it is healthy. First, reading was very difficult for me as a child. I did not like to read but in early middle school, Jay, one of my handicapped brothers who cannot read nor count to 3, asked me if I liked to read.

I said, “no.”
He said, “You should.”
“Why.”
“Because you can.”
OOWWW

So, then I started reading… and slowly I grew to love it. By 8th grade I was staying up late on Fridays and waking up early on Saturdays to finish Jannett Oak books. I would get addicted and would sit inside on nice days – on busy days – with my head in a book. This was so NOT ok with my mom. Just like everything else done for pleasure, I learned from my mother that reading is something to be put off until, “everything else is done.” And since “EVERYTHING” is NEVER done, she packs 15 books she wants to read for any 2-day trip she goes on.

Since I am slightly obsessive-compulsive I either get addicted to reading or doing and one is always “interrupting” the other. To make a complicated situation worse, I am also a purger of things so every time we move I get rid of books. I also hate to buy thing and love the idea of the library – so I don’t have books at home just to “pick up when I get a chance.” However in the last two years Jude and Isabella have totally destroyed my ability to use a library since I spend 1 hour in the children’s department and then drag them “quietly” – for maybe like 3 minutes to the adult section. With one on each hand I attempt to judge the “New arrivals section” by the spines of the books – take 2 and run. This is a pathetic use of a library – I feel shame at the admittance.

So this week I grabbed 2 books. I can read. I had time to read. Even if what I read makes NO sense – this is how I got here in the last 72 hours.

I have been studying the word “kingdom” every time it is mentioned in the NT. I just worked through Matthew and it is mentioned a ton! And it is far more complicated than I thought but I am making some good notes.
And it is perfect that I am reading this because the first book I picked up is, Amish Grace. It is the perspective of 3 professors on why the Amish people were so quick to forgive after the 2006 school shooting. The reason the “Kingdom” study is so handy is because Amish theology leans heavily on Matthew and of their practical theology is lived out in a 2-kingdom paradigm. So, basically I totally have always wanted to be Amish even though I knew nothing about their doctrine I figured I would be kinda’ close. But Jarod was right… I can never be Amish – not because they speak Pennsylvania Dutch or because my kids would have to stop going to school in 8th grade but because I really can’t submit to their doctrine – at least how it was interpreted by these 3 professors. Ok but my “not Amish doctrine” has nothing to do with this…. There are parts of their doctrine I think are right on.

The second book I picked out is Globalization and Grace and it is like this really heady and boring theological treatment of how religions impact their cultures in an extreme way. I would so not be in it still if there were not so much food for thought on my current “Kingdom” binge.
So here basically how the weekend in my head has gone - my “mental map” as Max Stackhouse (the Globalization author) would put it. Jesus’ main message was the “kingdom of God.” Christians are supposed to be following Jesus, but most of us don’t even think about this “kingdom” much less realize, like the Amish, that we have switched “kingdoms”. And that by the grace of God this new citizenship should totally revolutionize who we are today. Instead we really like to focus on some future kingdom of God that we are not at all responsible for but that will just appear. Now I really agree with the common theological concept of the kingdom as “Here and not here – now and not yet.” But I really think we lose focus of the here and now part of it.
The Amish don’t and they have created a culture that accurately reflects a lot of the teachings of the Kingdom of God here on earth. Obviously, individualistic consumerist American culture does not. Now, Christians (and non-Christians alike) want to say that Christianity has not created our current culture – that it is secularized – but this Stackhouse guy is arguing (and I think pretty accurately) that it has and will continue to shape what our culture becomes. A lot of modern academics thought that as societies advanced “religions” would fade into the past but instead there seems to be resurgence in spiritual and religious fervor (which is scaring the pants off of some).
This is where the globalization part comes in. It is happening – no matter if we like it or not – this “new world order” or whatever you want to call it - is a culture in the making and the question is what forces are going to create and sustain this global culture?
We have seen on a small scale what a “here and now” practical kingdom theology among the Amish can do. It has created a culture in which forgiveness is placed over revenge and bitterness, community over self, love over hate, etc, etc, that even in the worst circumstances – which generally bring out the worst in us – their culture had prepared them to come out together in love and grace.
Then we see from history that the theology we follow creates the culture we inhabit today – and no one is really pumped about the culture of today. We have this chance in globalization to make a theological paradigm shift to a “Here and now” kingdom theology that could create a better culture. If Christians, if this Christian, embraces something that goes a little bit deeper … I won’t be perfect but maybe I could be a little more Amish. Well it just made me want to tell someone… and if you have any book suggestions (on anything) that would be great… ‘Cause I think I’ll go to the library tomorrow without any kids. Oh and if you are a Christian I suggest looking at the “kingdom” in Matthew…

Ode to Isabella and other ends

This past week ended a pseudo-sibling relationship that Jude has been involved in for the last two years. Although I myself had two such pseudo-siblings as a child I never intended to acquire one for Jude. An acquaintance of ours who is self employed thought it would be better for all involved if she got her then 2 year old out of the dog grooming shop for a few mornings a week. And so came Isabella into our home and life for the last two years.
For those of you unfamiliar with the pseudo-sibling; s/he is a person in a child’s life who is SO MUCH MORE than a friend but somehow only slightly less than an enemy. A Pseudo-sibling is another child brought into an only child’s life on a REGULAR basis not by choice his or her choice but because – well it is life and that is how it works.
My two pseudo-siblings were my cousin Luke, who spent many weeks at our home each summer and Hollie who spent every day of three summers by my side. Overall both of these individuals, though we have long since parted ways, impacted my character and outlook on life more than any of my other friends or family. I have countless fun memories with them just like any friend but I also remember fights, annoyances, and unfairnesses similar to what I imagine are involved in sibling relationships. My parents treated us the same as much as they could but these relationships were my first glimpse into the reality of how one goes about dealing with people very different from oneself.
Isabella started school today and will not be coming to our house now on a regular basis. She and Jude will now be free to be friends. But none of us will ever forget the hours they played by each other’s side, bit each other’s arms, watched each other potty, made a disaster of their food and fought over every single toy until my room contained even the furniture from Jude’s room – and they were left with only the rug to play with.
Isabella, it has been an adventure and I am sure you have many more ahead of you and many more lives to change… but thank you for changing ours. We love you.


This is the first photo I could find of the 2 of them together and then one from last week

In other ends.
Last week the lifeguard at the pool informed me that pregnant women cannot go down the slide – so poor Jude.

My parents are leaving for a 2 week cross country trip to visit family today and my 3 closest friends here are preparing for international travel - all while Jarod daily reminds me of the things I need to “cut out” of my life in preparation for the baby. I feel like I am a goose forced to sit on an overdue egg while all my flock flies off to fun for the summer.

Also, this week was the last “family dinner” we will be hosting until sometime after the baby is born. When we first moved back to Hays we quickly realized that although we lived equidistant from both of our families we saw mine I vast amount more – simply because of personality. So for the last 2 years Jarod’s family has met here almost every Monday night, in an effort to stay connected and caught up on everyone’s lives.

Here's our feast and some happy faces (all for under $10 - I might add)


Go me. Go my garden. I'm going to bed... and yes Alison with my kitchen looking like this...

the aquatic park and other ironies

I grew up only ten minutes from where our little apartment sits. But I was a “country kid.” Jude is a “town kid” – and surprisingly that makes A LOT of difference in his life and in mine. You see, growing up several of my friends were “mall rats” by winter and “pool rats” by summer (including Jarod). I was the only kid I knew with a private pool in their backyard. I was also the only kid I knew that didn’t take swimming lessons or go to “Munice” (The Municiple swimming pool) from 12-7 almost every day during the summer. As a small child I would sometimes grow jealous of these endless hours of freedom they all seemed to enjoy, but for the most part, I was perfectly content to play “marine-biologist” alone with 120 fishing tackle worms and several canning jars.

When I got my driver’s license and could have driven into “Munice” I never did – because even as a fit cross-country runner I knew my scratched, bruised and farmer tanned legs did not belong in line with the hundred other teen legs lying at the edge of the pool in perfect shaven symmetry. So last year - when Jarod suggested Jude and I get a season pass to the “new pool” (8 year old aquatic park that replaced munice) - I baulked at the idea. The Aquatic park is only 12 blocks away but we would just drive out to my parent’s pool!

Mid-July amid 110 degree weather I broke down. It just wasn’t working to drive 10 minutes in an un-air-conditioned car down dirt roads to get to a pool where I had to take off the solar cover, scrape out the bugs, water mom’s plants, talk to all of the guys and get sucked into the general time-warp that is their house. By the time we would get home Jude would have missed his nap and we would be hotter than when we started.

I bought our season passes this year in March. Now, at least twice a week, we head down to the aquatic park at 1:00 where we meet up with some friends and he is napping (or thinking in his room) by 3:00…nice and cool.

Now the ironies of this are – I AM IN NO CONDITION to be seen at a public pool and I would give anything to have my high school legs back! I also can't believe I never got to enjoy the public pool experience for myself - I went straight in as an old woman annoyed with all the noise and nakedness! Second – we ride our bikes there – something I didn’t learn to do until I was 13 because we had no good place to ride in the country (so I am not very graceful at it). I never in all my life thought I'd be riding my bike anywhere habitually - much less 9 months pregnant in a bathing suit! SUCH a HUMBLING experience!

There is really nothing about this twice-weekly routine, of scantily clad crowds, listening to loud music, that appeals to my personality, but I wouldn’t trade the ritual of seeing my “pool rat” so happy for anything… well maybe for 120 fishing tackle worms to put in his baby pool – where he spends the rest of his afternoons.





Oh and another irony… Jude had his first friend sleep over on Friday night and it brought back so many memories of my parents tirelessly hosting my once-a-month sleepovers for years. I thought it would be a lot of work but the boys were great and I found myself thinking, as I listened to them laughing in their room ‘til almost midnight, “I can do this for the next 15 years.” Now if we have a girl that may be another story...

battles i'm losing

It has come to my attention in the last couple of weeks that many of my ideals for life and parenting are waning. We continually remind ourselves that we must “pick our battles,” but sometimes I wonder if I pick mine based more on a probability of winning than a priority of the battle itself. So… for sake of humility… or maybe just in hope of comradery, I will list for you a few of the battles that I am currently losing.

Battle over violence (ironic wording noted): We have made an endeavor to steer Jude away from most things militant (not that we think a child cannot play with a toy gun and turn out perfectly normal but rather because we wanted to make sure that he did not play games that are offensive to other children or parents). We avoided toy guns, swords, etc., until his 3rd birthday party. When my mom suggested a pirate party, we kinda’ thought, “what’s the harm?” ~ a few cartoony pirates (they don’t really exist anymore anyway), a few fake swords and walking the plank. What can it hurt? Well, 2 months later he still pretends to be a MEAN pirate EVERY day – and we are all getting tired of being stabbed and “hooked.” In addition to the pirate violence there is also his Spiderman fetish, which seems to have come out of nowhere and a constant under-his-breath babbling about bad men. And if this all isn’t bad enough he recently asked for little army men to play with. Of course I said no but then he was playing with Carl’s army men and I saw that there was a whole bag of firemen figures. After watching them play imaginatively for an hour, I began to crave his ownership of such simple entertainment and said, “Well Jude, maybe I could buy you some firemen.” To which he smilingly replied, “Oh good and then I can pretend they are my soldiers!”

Battle over naps: I have 30 minute recording of my son’s imaginative conversation he had with his stuffed animals last week during nap time – but it was boring enough to put anyone – except apparently him – to sleep – so I decided not to post it. He only naps about two days a week now – the rest of those hours (approx. 10) – which I still force him to lay in bed, he keeps himself impressively entertained. Now some of you might say, “Give it up already.” I may have too except one older woman I talked to said, “It’s ok – kids need time to think… I don’t know about what… but it is good for them.” So, I consider it his thinking time now – not napping time – but on those 2 days a week when he falls asleep for a few hours it makes a world of difference in all of our lives.

Battle over sugar: Aunt Teresa sent our son a sugary “Shrek” cereal for Christmas. Apparently he is so sugar deprived and that cereal was so good it has made an everlasting impression on him. Every week when we go down the cereal isle he points to a different kid marketed – dentist unapproved cereal - and says, “Maybe next year for Christmas I can get the cereal.” I’ll tell you that gets WEIRD looks – especially in May. So, he is still pretty much the least sugared child I know… although he still gets more than a healthy amount (and would be the most sugared child in Portland). His parents on the other hand have fallen off the health wagon hard. First, I am starting to think this baby is a girl because I crave junk food more than ever. Second, I am starting to think my husband is a woman ‘cause he can take down sugar with the best of us. And finally our friends the Lowerys gave us 5 qrts. of ice cream and five different toppings which we have faithfully been partaking of 4 nights a week for the last 3 weeks – that gift combined with the expensiveness of fruit is going to bring a whole new meaning to “baby fat” around here.

Battle over innocence: this is generally not what one thinks when you say, “my 3 year old has a fake tattoo,” – but hey – if we are going to do something we are going to do it right. (This could also be titled – battle over laziness – since the whole reason he has this HUGE sucker is because I was too lazy to cut out the little piece in the middle that he really wanted.)