a long nap...

I am thinking about taking a long nap - like until Jan 1, 2013.  When I wake up please don't tell me what I missed in the remainder of the year. I just don't want to know.  This year has made me tired. And old.  I am tired of saying goodbye, and crying, and crying with people, and saying goodbye to people, and being with people who are tired of saying goodbye.  It is getting old.  

And I am tired of all the changes and readjustments that really probably won't be any better than the set up we had before.  But we were at least USED to before. And frankly I am just not a big fan of this year.  And when I look over the pictures they are pretty happy, pretty wonderful, pretty amazing. But there is this undercurrent of sadness, of uncertainty, of loss, disequilibration from all the sudden changes and unknown futures, that I just can't seem to shake.  And when it starts to shake, starts to loosen, someone else is gone. We practice letting go. Again. Practice asking the hard questions. Again. And learn contentment in faith.  Learning to love the questions and the growth that comes from them.  But babies need a lot of sleep when they grow. Growing pains.  So I think I just need a really long nap. Because I am just wondering... is this just how life goes from here on out?

Psalm 119:25-28

I am laid low in the dust;
    preserve my life according to your word.
²⁶ I gave an account of my ways and you answered me;
    teach me your decrees.
²⁷ Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,
    that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.
²⁸ My soul is weary with sorrow;
    strengthen me according to your word.

Dear Lloyd,

May you rest in peace ~ may your awakening in Christ be better than any rest found here.