Made for January

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

(contemplations from 5 hours shopping)

I wish I were my mother during the month of December. She was made for December. She thinks and breaths gift giving and sale shopping. She thrives on chaos and her idea of a perfect week has between 3-5 special social gatherings. It is a bonus to her if she has to plan, decorate and cook for each one. The adrenaline rush that comes from tabulating schedules and gifts bathes her brain in fresh oxygen. She has an ongoing mental list of all the people for whom she wants to say and do kind things. She knows who will get a Christmas card and lovely basket of goodies. I want to be that person.

But I'm not. I am made for January (and possibly June). The months AFTER the bigs months. The months where there is nothing to take pictures of and the only events are ones we invent to fill the empty weekends. The months full of reflection – and either warm fires or watching grass grow.

When I was a child I said I HATED Christmas. I didn't. I hated the fact that I wasn't made for Christmas. I thought everything going on was splendid, it was just too much for me and I resented that. I resented the fact that “hubbub” made my skin crawl. This year my skin is crawling but I am learning to embrace that. I am learning to love the fact that I was not made for this month but I have to do it anyway. I don't have to do it well. I will never be the gift giver, card sender, sale shopper, decorate or thoughtful friend that my mom is. And that is ok. I just have to do it with grace. My only goal is to do my best and not threaten to kill anyone. I just have to fill the cart and NOT run over the old lady. I just have to wrap the gift – not prettily – but remember who it goes to. And I have to laugh. A lot.

I have to watch December people enjoy their month, and find joy in their joy. I have to do December – because December people have to do January and June. And they will learn to do it with grace – and I will be able to stand beside them and say, “I know how you feel – we each have our moments.” And I am learning to be glad we all have different moments. Different months. I am glad I don't get out of December – I think it is making me a better person... a person who humbly says, “Yes it was a very nice December – even though: I forgot my husband's birthday twice (don't ask), spent too much on not-thoughtful-enough-gifts, ate foods that I never should have even SEEN and forgot my best friends when sending out Christmas cards.” I did my best – to give the best Christmas experience possible to those around me... and it was good enough because the BEST CHRISTMAS is freely available to whoever so would have Him. Merry Christmas.

In retrospect - I love the busy months.  Like November. I loved it.

Jessie came home for a visit.

Carhendge.  American road trip - for SURE.

And we didn't run out of gas in the badlands.

That's good.

ALMOST running out of gas in the badlands DIDN'T seem awesome at the moment.

Kind of like Christmas shopping.

I wish someone would have taken my picture today.

P.S. Husband - Happy Birthday.  Maybe we should try moving our birthdays again to June.  

I like June.

And I love you... even in December.  

And I am glad your mom is around to make German Chocolate cake. :)

Where to even begin...

When I was a child I remember seeing commercials for 18 hour bras. They confused me. I mean - first: what was the big deal about bra comfort? Second, how on earth could someone be in need of a bra for 18 hours straight? And third, do people really grow up and think “I want to model my underwear on national television?”

Most of the time I still feel like I am 12. Mentally, I'm just sitting around waiting for someone to tell me what I should do and how things are gonna go down. In the meantime, I just do whatever hits me in the 18 hour chunks called “a day.” Jarod and I roll over in the morning after the alarm goes off and begin whispering our prayers to one another. You know, the age old, “Dear Jesus, please help us to make it through today. Help us not to permanently damage each other, our children, or anyone we come into contact with in the next 24 period. And please fix anything and anyone we really mess up. And sorry in advance... and we'll touch base again in like 7 minutes. Thanks. Amen.” And then we just hold on. For 18 hours. Denture appointments with the guys, or sorting the 300 sockets that they just dumped out of the back of the four-wheeler, flus and funerals, halloween costuming, women's retreats, trips to Oklahoma, packing 35 years of sentimental junk, logistics for students and staff, scrubbing floors (although apparently not often enough), and …..

I hear this is how your thirties goes. For everyone. It is a great decade. But you don't have time to remember it. And maybe in my sixties I'll review what happened this month. I will search the archives of the internet and find the horrific reports of the hurricane on the east coast, hindsight will be 20/20 on the election, and I will even probably be able to find out what great sales I did NOT coupon.

But only here can I archive the following photos. Glimpses of the beautiful, crazy, 18 hour days that we are living... one after another.

Glimpses of the months when I began to grow up, began to realize it is all about SUPPORT.

In a prayer.

In a friend.

In a husband.

In a bra.

You just need support.

(Well, 3 out of 4 isn't bad.)

And it is all about thankfulness... because however my life is turning out, I still don't have to model bras on national television. And considering how unpredictable life REALLY is ~ I'm glad it didn't head down that road...

Here's the road we were on this month. (In no particular order.)

Some photos of the finished fence (Thank you Andrea for pointing out their absence.)

I live in an Estate. It's pretty flippin'' awesome if you ask me.

This series is from Pumpkin picking... and selling

Here's our "girl's" afternoon while the men were in the desert.

And halloween.

Some people go out.

Like my in-laws apparently... who made the kids the best costume EVER.

Oh and here's some photo's of the international hot dog roast at Bethesda earlier this month. 

(thanks to Allen for the photos since I got 0).

On a side note:  This is what I want from the 150 international students who cameo out and enjoyed an evening of perfect weather on the farm with the men. I want them to go back to whatever corner of the world they came from with a photo or a memory, a feeling of peace and to say to a friend, "Hey, guess what handicapped people can do? Guess what awesome, fun lives they can lead and share with others? Where are our handicapped people?........"

Like these three girls upstairs.  They are awesome.  Thy have determination and beauty and they will change the world.  Their sign is their own commitment NOT to speak anything but English even among themselves.  I wanted to cry I was proud of them.

Oh and here are the photos from the desert trip.

No one died. No one was seriously injured.

And when 2 seven year old boys and 4 handicapped men and three irresponsible men (one of which drank gasoline) are put in the following position... that is more than any mother or wife can hope for.

a long nap...

I am thinking about taking a long nap - like until Jan 1, 2013.  When I wake up please don't tell me what I missed in the remainder of the year. I just don't want to know.  This year has made me tired. And old.  I am tired of saying goodbye, and crying, and crying with people, and saying goodbye to people, and being with people who are tired of saying goodbye.  It is getting old.  

And I am tired of all the changes and readjustments that really probably won't be any better than the set up we had before.  But we were at least USED to before. And frankly I am just not a big fan of this year.  And when I look over the pictures they are pretty happy, pretty wonderful, pretty amazing. But there is this undercurrent of sadness, of uncertainty, of loss, disequilibration from all the sudden changes and unknown futures, that I just can't seem to shake.  And when it starts to shake, starts to loosen, someone else is gone. We practice letting go. Again. Practice asking the hard questions. Again. And learn contentment in faith.  Learning to love the questions and the growth that comes from them.  But babies need a lot of sleep when they grow. Growing pains.  So I think I just need a really long nap. Because I am just wondering... is this just how life goes from here on out?

Psalm 119:25-28

I am laid low in the dust;
    preserve my life according to your word.
²⁶ I gave an account of my ways and you answered me;
    teach me your decrees.
²⁷ Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,
    that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.
²⁸ My soul is weary with sorrow;
    strengthen me according to your word.

Dear Lloyd,

May you rest in peace ~ may your awakening in Christ be better than any rest found here. 

a good dozen

So I've got these 12 extra people.  You know besides my non-desperate-housewife-responsibilities to the 2 kids, husband, parents, etc.  And I think I have the best dozen a girl could hope for (granted they are all a bit strange).  I've got the six guys at Bethesda and the six students in the house.  And I think everybody (at least housewives) should have an extra dozen people or so to take under wing.  I think everyone's life would be better.  Maybe an old neighbor or "that kid" from your kid's class, or a foreign family, or a single parent, or that family that-has-had-too-much-cancer, or maybe I could be included in someone's dozen - you know, "that poor crazy girl who can't always handle her own dozen:) ".
Anyway - life isn't at all cheaper by the dozen. Just better.
Jesus had a dozen.
I should have a dozen.
Ok - that's my bad exegetical summary for the day.

I'd like to introduce my dozen for this year.  Not a bad one in the bunch.

(Ok so between what I wrote above and finding these photos I got side tracked for 7 hours.  I think that is what happens when you have a dozen.  I think that is why Jesus didn't have a blog. Please excuse the second logical fallacy for the day.)

(Also, in going through the photos I realized my "dozen" have fuzzy edges... so please don't count the following people - then numbers may not come out right.)

This is who lives in our house right now.  Lucy is behind the Carnival mask.

I love this picture of our house because we are all so easily lined up for introductions. (left to right)

Kahlad, Saudi Arabia:  I love Khalad because he is so gentle. 

Allen, China:  I love Allen because he plays chess with Jude while I cook dinner.

Lucy: I love her because no one has ever made me laugh so hard.

Me:  I love myself because Jesus is redeeming me.

Jude:  I love him because he is brilliant - he is just like his father.

Salah, Saudi Arabia: I love him because he will always be a part of our family.

Jarod:  I don't even know where to start.

Annie, China:  I love her because she wears big beautiful glasses and really knows how to clean!!

Cassie, China: I love her because she regularly takes photos of the food I cook. THANK YOU

Alice, China:  I love her because she is honest, because she is taking time to be my friend

Sometimes we do strange things... like dog pile... because we can... because we are a family

And sometimes my extended family comes to visit, and it is beautiful.  Mariah spent 10 whole days just doing life with us - and a month later the students are still talking about her beautiful daughter (though they may never be able to say Palmer).  Here we are trying to take a self portrait without double chins but we just ended up with weird neck veins and huge Stafford teeth.

But we made some beautiful girls, didn't we?

My husband's parents kind of take our family as part of their dozen - and they made us this beautiful porch swing that I just can't stop sitting on.  Which probably explains how far behind I am in things. 

Also, I like to go on trips, like to the state fair - where I watch 7 of them race down a giant slide.  I honestly don't care about photo quality people - just capturing the moment - because my memory is TOTALY WORTHLESS.

And here is Kingson on the mechanical bull.  He's an X-housemate, current best friend

The strangest $5 I ever gave our son.  I always wanted to ride one of these.

Salah and his cousin Yazzed... I also like Salah because he has his own dozen that he brings around to add to our circus.  Yazzed is like a housemate who never lived with us.

And then there is Tony.  He is our Uncle.  Don't ask - it just works.

And then there are the guys.  Did I say I took them under wing?  

I think I meant they take me under wing.

Check out the FENCE

Randy.  I love him because he makes my emotional instability look normal

Tom and Jay finally put Kingson to work and took a breather. 

I love Jay's smile.   

David.  How much fun could one grown man be?

John.  The face of negativity.  He makes me seem chipper.

How is that even possible?

Sometimes we even put the students to work.  

Alice and I planted some roses while discussing her future.

10 years from now both will look so different.

I wish 10 years from now he would look just the same.

FOREVER.

Annie and Allen cooked us a wonderful lunch to celebrate Mid-Autmn festival today 

And Jarod is in the business of making homemade soda in the garage.

Because as Kingson says, "Jarod, you really have a skill of staying busy."

Mark, hoever does not.  And we like it that way.

Carl was not pictured because he spent the last week with his sister.

The Mid-Autmn festival was not pictured because, well I am bad at photos this year.

The Lion King that the kids just went and saw is not pictured because they don't allow photos.

Other than that I think we are pretty caught up.

Bring on October...