Thursday, January 29, 2015

January moment - beautiful psycho


Col. 3:12-15
 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. 


I'm enjoying another sick day. Chrissy requested photos of the kids before she heads off to New Zealand, and I couldn’t help but think how much I am blessed by day/in/day/out life with mine and the joy of the other two.  Yesterday, I was startled at how much Maysyn had grown up while I was somehow not watching.  I want to put them in a bottle just as they are. At least on paper…

Monday night, after too little sleep due to nighttime coughing fits, my kids were at each other’s throats.  Now that they have their own rooms I have found it all-too-easy to just send them each to their respective rooms. They begrudgingly spit a “sorry” at each other after about 5 minutes of solitude and then we move on to the next argument.  You know, I just like to stick with systems that fail… because they are WAY easier than finding a new way.  But after about 4 hours of bickering I finally dragged Lucy in to Jude and said, “Can you two please figure out what the issue is?  We need to come up with a new plan. FIGURE IT OUT!!”  

Jude gave Lu and I a blank stare and said, “I don’t know. I really have no idea.” He was really clueless

Lucy, however, with her giant overflowing eyes and shaking voice articulated while convulsing in sadness, “I just don’t think we should be brother and sister anymore! It just ISN’T working for us!”

Jude stunned at the illogical and un-implementable solution she just proposed.  He was just annoyed. She was apparently questioning her place in the world.

I stared in disbelief at how much she was sounding like me!

And how much he stared like his father.

But she wasn’t done.  She went on to describe in every generalizing speech she could about how he “ NEVER wanted to play with her, NEVER complimented her, and ALWAYS hurt her.”  She gave specific examples of how only ONE time in her whole life had he been kind to her, by purchasing her a stuffed bear even when he knew she couldn’t buy him anything.  She explained that she ALWAYS wanted to play board games but he NEVER wanted to play any - but Hobbit Monopoly - and - screamed, “I don’t even know How… WHAT IS THAT GAME ANYWAY??””  She shook as she poured out her hopelessness of ever being his friend and her very real feeling that she was trying her hardest and she wasn’t EVER going to be fun for him. He would never want to be with her. She was not his favorite and she was hurting.

And he just stared.

Last month, after a very disrespectful and disobedient public outing, I was shaming Lucy for her retched behavior (because like I said, I like to stick with systems that don’t work - because it is easy.) She, through frustrated tears said, “I can’t be PERFECT ALL - the - time.”  I quipped coldly that I did not expect her to be PERFECT, “I just don’t want you to be psycho!”  She buried her head in her hands and sobbing said, “Actually ———- THAT is very hard for me too!!!”

And I smiled.
Because it is.
NOT being psycho is really very hard for some of us.

And I used to despair in this.
But now, very slowly, I am beginning to see that it is good for the rest of you.

Poor Jude. He had no idea what to do with this honesty.  That his sister, who he truly loves, was hurting SO BAD and SO DEEPLY over what he thought were a few harsh words, an act of not sharing, and a simple shunning.  They were little sins with little consequences right?

But there she was - heart in hand.  Unafraid to say, “I am this fragile.”  Our behavior is dangerously bad for our souls.
Unable to NOT recognize it.


And that is a gift. A gift she gives her brother.
A picture of sin and humanity and the deep need of our souls.

And he gave her the gift of saying, once he realized the gravity of what they were actually doing to one another,

“Ok Lucy. How about we do this plan…”

And he unpacked who would be in authority over each day and space. When they would play with each other and how. He gave her logic. She gave him vision. and they gave each other grace.

And it will fail. But they are going to work through this. And be better for it.

Her psycho. His hardness.

They are a gift.
To each other.

To me ~ A mirror


A mirror at which I learn to smile