Growing older can be a true challenge. My grandma used to say, “growing old is the most difficult thing I have faced - I guess that is why God saved it for last.” Another sweet woman I knew always said, “growing old is for the birds.. but I guess it is better than the alternative.”
Over the past two years, I have had a front row waiting-room seat as some of the men have begun to deal with these aging challenges. And today, I was once again floored at how astoundingly graceful each man is as they meet the difficulties that come their way. To them, every doctor is their new best friend, every nurse is the most beautiful, and every hour spent in the waiting room is time to relax, catch up on some magazines and *gasp* actually chat with people around them. There are literally NO complaints - of pain - of bills - of incompetence - or exhaustion. They face each day practicality and with resolve. Yes - there is pain. Yes - there is discomfort. And - no - they are not use to this limitation - this level of dependence.
But I watch them and I realize that they, while the rest of us have been busy “accomplishing” our whole lives, have quietly been preparing to meet life’s last great challenges with grace that puts the rest of us to shame. They have - their whole lives - adapted, adjusted and overcome. They are masters of humility, patience, perseverance, flexibility and kindness. A few months ago I watched as Jay met with his surgeon for the last time and handed over a dozen fresh eggs and a pound of asparagus in gratitude and pride at the sense on their joint accomplishment. The surgeon was speechless and his face flushed with humility (and perhaps utter confusion). Today Carl, after patiently enduring difficult physical therapy, all the while asking heartfelt questions about the therapists family and favorite sports teams, quietly said “Thank you for that Dr - that was nice therapy.” And the therapist, in awe of how Carl has quickly learned to manage with a new “disability,” said, “Has anyone ever told you that you might be the nicest person on the planet?”
Yes. We have. But not often enough. So I just have to say. I am so proud of these guys, they are the nicest people on the planet. And the rest of us, if we have any hope of growing old with such grace, we better start now. We better get off our phones. Get over ourselves. And become more like the guys. Here are a few hints as I have watched these professionals begin the process and I am hoping if I start now, that someday I can ROCK the aging process like these guys!!!
- Ask other patients and your medical professional about the weather and sports and family with genuine interest (Not sure if they learned this from mom of if she learned it from them).
- Tell strangers about the best things in your life and the accomplishments of your day with a sense of genuine satisfaction.
- Do what the medical people request. Even if it is just plain miserable.
- Accept help - all the help you need. Ask for more help. Then say “thank you.” Tell other people how thankful you are for the “good wonderful helpers you have.”
- Don’t complain. If you are in true pain - everyone who cares and loves you can tell by the look on your face - and nobody else can do anything to help anyway. Also, if you do have to state your pain, a quite, “Oh - yes I hurt quite a little bit,” gets the point across.
- Rest whenever you need too - whenever you want to- everyone who cares and loves you can tell by the look on your face that you need that - and that is what they want you to do too!!
- Adjust. Yes, maybe you have done it one way your whole life, but now you have to do it differently. That’s not easy, that takes time. There is no way around it.
- And I think finally, the key that I have watched my whole life, but am only beginning to grasp, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself but simply thinking of yourself less.” Perhaps this is nearly impossible when your aching body screams at every move, but with a lifetime of practicing forgetting yourself, such humility breeds peace - for yourself and those around you.
