chronicles of a non-desperate housewife

Moving forward by looking back

2012-01-26T20:35:00.005-06:00

I have not been a big fan of what the Lord has done so far in 2012.
That is an understatement.
A BIG one.

Since returning to "normal life" after the sudden death of my 25 year old cousin... I have felt a bit numb - moving through the actions of a day because I have to. Because 'the list' gets longer if I don't. And all the while I feel numb, part of me feels ever more sensitive. Like when your arm is asleep - you can't feel it - but even the slightest odd touch sends sensation through your whole body. I feel soul asleep... remembering nothing from a day except a strange scene from an airport where a Nun, an Imam and Rabbi were carrying on a cheerful conversation - I wanted to sit and listen all day. Or when Jarod asks me what I did all day, I can recall nothing but sitting fireside painting my daughters nails and listening to her ramble and giggle and smelling the nail polish mix with smoke... it seems to hold the only importance in 16 hours. But I do the list, anyway.

One of the things on 'the list' was finishing our yearly "highlight" video for 2011. A labor of love that we pour out each year hoping that our children will one day far in the future treasure the moments of our life. (Sadly, I am thinking that in 20 years there will be amazing technology that can make one of these videos in ten minutes by sorting through all of our digital memories - but I am going to ignore that for now and pretend we have to do this for posterity.)
But I found this month that perhaps this project... and the painful slowness of it - is not for posterity. Maybe it is for me - to build faith and gratitude... my two greatest struggles. And in the face of the darkness of this month my faith fades without gratitude. But as I created this video -looked at these faces - again and again.... and AGAIN. I began to see what the Lord had done.
In all honesty there is probably not one person in this video who didn't really annoy and frustrate me at some point throughout this year. To be really honest - there is probably not one day recorded that went down how I planned. There are moments recorded here, that meanwhile I was thinking, "I just want this to be over - I just want to go to bed!!!" There are moments I missed the first time around because I was freaking out about money, about health, about- 'who-was-going-to-blow-who-up -with-a-mortar-first' and other general nonsense. They are recorded here - and they are beautiful. And I guess that is how faith and gratitude are built, looking back and saying, "If I had known then - what I know now - I would have been more grateful in that moment." "I would have breathed in that musty smell of unbathed him more deeply and laughed off the rude comment more quickly. I would have lingered longer in that conversation and I would have let tomorrow take care of itself... because all I have for sure is this moment anyway - and I will miss it when it is gone. I will miss it - in all of it's darkness and mess - because some beauty was born there." Some beauty is born here. Today. Always.

Can I say that about January 2012? Only time will tell, but my mustard seed says 'yes'.

1 Chronicles 16:8-12
Thank God! Call out his Name!
Tell the whole world who he is and what he's done!
Sing to him! Play songs for him!
Broadcast all his wonders!
Revel in his holy Name,
God-seekers, be jubilant!
Study God and his strength,
seek his presence day and night;
REMEMBER all the wonders he performed,
the miracles and judgments that came out of his mouth.

Sitting with my sadness

2012-01-03T21:47:00.005-06:00

Dear Nic,
You've been gone a little over 30 hours now. Time is passing like a slow-motion replay of a below the belt kick. Your dad says he is going to live forever because he is being punished. Today felt like forever already. We made the KS to NC drive - the drive you know so well - the yo-yo of your planet earth existence. (If you were here you'd say I could have driven faster and that my hair looks like crap and my pits stink from the drive.)
Ten years ago I had an English teacher who taught us the Jacques Ellul philosophy of: "loving our questions." To sit with our questions in patience and to embrace them ... and then maybe someday we'll live along to the answer. (If you were here you'd make a face at this and call it BS.)
I've got a lot of question tonight and I am not really loving sitting with them. AT ALL. I'm not loving sitting with all the sadness and no answers... and knowing that all these people that you and I love are sitting with the same damn questions and nobody is loving them. And oh, how everybody is trying to be strong - for somebody -maybe for ourselves - maybe to run away from these ugly questions.
Why did you die?
Why now?
Why THIS on your parents - your brother - haven't they had enough?
What about Betsy - what about Wyatt?
Yeah, what about little Wyatt?
And it's been asked - why not Grandma - heck - why not even my Grandma Stafford?
And we've asked how your mom is gonna make it - your dad - will they make it?
What does that even mean: "make it" or "they're doing ok"?
So - God - what's the idea here?

'cause we are not loving these questions. And none of us are satisfied with cliche answers - so we can't rush it along. We just have to sit with them. And then in a few days we will start living with them - for the rest of our lives. I'm thinkin' we're not gonna love that either.

But I'm also thinkin' this. In Sunday school on new Year's day I taught on God's plan for us and how God changes the way we look at a New Year. (And I really think the best part of sharing a truth with others is that you have to remind yourself of the truth first. Remember when you wrote all those letters from prison. I loved to have you quote scriptures and talk about faith and hope - and share that with me miles away... I loved that what you shared with me - you were also reminding yourself.)
So I reminded myself Sunday morning of Psalm 139. That God knows each of us - has a plan for each of us - beyond our understanding - far beyond our ideas - and whether we like it or not there is no getting away from God.
And someone asked, "then why pray?" and "what if you pray for someone to travel safe and then they die in a car wreck?" And the truth I shared was that we pray because we are in relationship and God wants to know the desires of our hearts as much as I want my children to tell me the desires of theirs. And if someone dies in a car accident we know that God's plan was different than ours - but because we have faith that God is good - we have faith that the plan is good too - only beyond our understanding.
So that's a question then:
Is God gonna give me that faith?
That mustard seed that is said to move this mountain of darkness and pain?
I sit with that question tonight. But the good news is - I don't have to be strong for God. God is strong for me.
And there isn't one question that God can't handle. And Psalm 139 says - He knows them anyway... so I'll pour my heart out. Just. like. it. is. And He's good with that. Really good with that.

And I guess, Nic, the last thing I want to say to you is: He was good with your heart too. He was good with your questions. Your struggles. He knew how all this was gonna go down before you were born - little quarter size hole in your heart and all. He knew the road ahead - the MS, the move, the schools, the trouble, the prison, the jobs, the moves, the husband and father role... and all the questions that came with it all. He knew the really freaking rough road filled with mountains of questions and your mustard seed faith. And there was a reason for it all. And there was a reason for the number of your days. 9118 days. Really, like Luke said, "they were all a gift."

But you already know all this now don't you? You're 32 hours ahead of me - but I thought I'd share anyway.

Thank you for sharing the gift of your life with me.

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Man. I just can't thank you enough for all the good memories. The laughter. The lessons. The NEVER letting me take myself too seriously. EVER. You brought such a beautiful charm into my life - such a balance and reality. You gave me so much. Thank you, I love you.

Holiday highlights 2011

2011-12-26T22:24:00.004-06:00

Well, we had our version of “The Four Christmas's” this year – literally 4 in this house - but I think it went rather well. I am sitting here sipping a cup of lemon tea – leftover from the 45 tea boxes that that the kids and I made. My back hurts a little but overall I think we are no worse the wear for having fed and gifted over 50 people in this house over the past week.
Actually – to be honest- and my parents know this full well – I am not a Christmas person. As a child I dreaded the season because of all of the “hub-bub.” I look back now and realize that my parent's “hub-bub” was really just them pouring their lives into a million people at once. I am sure they made some mistakes – and I am sure we made some mistakes this year as well – but I imagine as adults my kids will look back on their childhood Christmas memories the same way I do mine – just a blur of abundance.
You can never out give God. Once, He gave His life for us – so that we might have life in Him – and that life is more-than-enough abundant. There is no shortage of time or resources – there is no shortage of space - EVER. And everything you give, you know in advance will be returned to you tenfold. Maybe you give a meal and get a moose stocking cap. You really have no idea what is coming your way... but you have the freedom to give because you know that the One who has limitless resources has secured you in love. Like my dad always says, “God will get it to you if He can get it through you.” So I guess that is the miracle of Christmas – to partake in the joy of loving the world. There is no doubt in my mind – this Christmas we were blessed far beyond any blessing we could ever give... as usual... as always.

A Top ten (or so) of Christmas memories?

Making reindeer "welcome mat"s and candy houses with Jude's class

Mrs. Sparkman receiving BJ's old T-shirts – and Katie re-gifting lotion to my mom at the church Christmas party

A foot of snow

A Posada on the Hernandez front porch

The annual Christmas program at church... with my shy shepherd.

Watching the Tippy family build a nativity in our garage

Watching my children play so well together with each other's toy

A holiday scavenger hunt

A Stafford potluck Christmas Eve lunch that lasted till dinner and then a little longer

Random dog and moose stocking hat gifts

Chinese Hot Pot – that lasted 3 hours

Santa and Mrs. Claus... and all her kisses

Homemade snow ice cream and homemade eggnog

Charades with the guys and the students

Jude's note to santa (And the subsequent re-using of Halloween candy)

The five minute Christmas stories that Aunt Sandy sent the kids... listening to Jude read Lucy Christmas stories

Listening to Jude laugh at “Home Alone”

A family snowball fight in which Lucy quickly defected to the "boy's team"

Jackie's 5 desserts and Chrissy's “extra” - Donald's Golden Corral rolls (That the Saudis think I should buy every night now)

Yep..... it feels good....

A graduation and a goodbye

2011-12-17T14:01:00.002-06:00

Well, we have been preparing for Marrina's graduation from the MBA program and departure this whole semester. And yesterday we attended a small ceremony to recognize her great accomplishment. Congratulations Marrina! AND... she is not leaving us yet – Hurray. We have another semester secured with her. - and hopefully it will be a semester full of life-learning and time together.
As we celebrated this we also commemorated the “moving on” of our friend Tony. He has lived in the basement for the past year, and we have all grown to love his quite, mature, and sincere ways. We are not business people – and today I would rather not think of who will fill his space in our house... because no one will fill his space in our hearts. His situation was unique – as a married man in his thirties with a four year old half way across the world, his struggles were different than the other students, to whom he meant so much. His approach to life in the United States and studying was different as well. His leaving us is also unique, in that, though we will miss him, we hope not to see him again until his family as at his side.
For me personally, Tony has done more to remind me of the blessings of my life than any other person I know. Living with strangers – it is often awkward to share our worst family moments as well as our best. But no matter the blood-curdling fits my children threw, or the icy stares my husband shot my way – no matter how hard my family got my blood boiling – I could look across the table at Tony and see his clear eyes say, “You have them Amanda. They are here with you and that is enough.” No matter the weeds in the garden or yard, the leaks in the roof or basement – no matter the misplaced tool or broken hose – he would walk by my frustrated labors with eyes so full – as if to say, “You young kids, with no marketable skills – have a house – have a yard – and the time to take care of them both – I will work until I am 80 so that my son has a chance at a life like yours.” And my mind would cease to complain. Tony gave me an appreciation for my life. He had a crazy fun-house mirror reflection of my life effect on me- where everything bad became beautiful. This gift of true gratefulness for what I already possess – I think is the greatest gift one friend could give another.
He also gave honesty. He would often disappear from our lives for days, sometimes weeks at a time – studying, or just working through life with people in Chinese. But sometimes I think he avoided us because he couldn't help but be honest about his feelings and he didn't want to be honest. One of my most memorable moments with him was on Thanksgiving day. In the van on the way to Branson I was playing a game with the children and a few of the students, “Name 10 things you are thankful for.” After we had completed and had a few minutes of silence Tony said to my children, “Ok – now let's name ten things we hate.” I said, “ok Tony – you go first – what do you hate?”
“Oh – I hate A LOT of things.” This simple English honesty was a moment I will never forget – him baring his soul – that life is beautiful yes – but it can be ugly.
So Tony, Thank you – And I hate that China and your family are so far our house and our family. We hate that. But we are thankful for you.

After 12 hours at Silver Dollar City - we still weren't buying our kids food from the stands - Tony got Lucy a pretzel... silently - as if to say, "I don't know why you aren't feeding this kid but I've had enough - she can't starve."

You asked for it!

2011-12-14T21:08:00.004-06:00

(From Jarod)

Ok Amanda, you have asked for it a thousand times. A Love Letter. You know me. My mind does not work like a literary masterpiece. It is much closer to a technical manual. It is precision based and as short as possible. So while this will not be as full blown as something you would write, unlike your writings it will not masterfully weave themes that can be followed and discovered, it will not even have clear sections, points, or highlights, it is what it is.

My Love letter to you.

You are by far the most beautiful, exciting, loving, volunteering, and generous person that I could hope to be with. I would be lost without you. You have filled my life with adventure, friends, companionship, and joy (not to mention kids). There is no where I would rather be than with you. Since the day we left Hays for Portland, I have never had to wonder if I would see my best friend. From the day we left Hays for Europe, I never had to think about missing my favorite person. From the day we left Hays for Honduras, I never had to ask if I would be alone in a place where no one understood me (though maybe I would have learned spanish if I had). I love that I have begun to grow old with you. And because I am incapable of using adjectives and having you edit and fluff this up would loose all of its rhetorical effect. I have decided to include some photos instead to show the wonderful times we have had over our half-lives together. I wish that you always knew how much I Love You.

Half his life

2011-12-11T14:01:00.003-06:00

So, my husband turns 30 today - and he has officially spent half of his life loving me. Poor thing. There are only two things the man does not do well in life, and sadly the consequences are the hardest on him. He does not pick women or jobs that are easy to love. Other than that - I honestly can't think of any personal failings the man has.
He's brilliant. I've always know it - but it is fun to have his sister in med school and students studying for the LSAT and everybody affirming, "You know Jarod - you could really do this." He could. He could do anything. I hope there comes a time in his life where he just gets endless hours to study all the things he wants to know. I don't see it happening - but it can be my birthday wish for him. (I think he wants to make a sterling engine this year... but my dad has been wanting to make a steam engine for 30... so we'll how it goes.)
Also, he can fix anything. And that comes in so handy with me around - because boy can I break things. Sometimes (because I am horribly morbid) I think about what I would do if he died. And after dwelling on all of the emotional pain that the kids and I would go through I begin to think about the practical side of things as well. And then I think about the fact that I probably couldn't even access all of our photos and videos if he died and then usually I start to cry. (Don't tell him that though because he already thinks I'm crazy).
I don't really worry about him dying ALL THAT OFTEN because physically I think he is in pretty good shape - though I nag at his horrible eating habits and the running joke of this year has been that he has literally gained 50 lbs since we got married. But still - you'd never know. Although I may have to worry about caring for him for 30 years after he gets crippling diabetes. Or him being brain damaged from a non-helmeted motorcycle crash. But I guess turn about it fair play...
Because he doesn't just take care of our stuff. He takes care of us. Oh, so well. You know I am sitting by this fireplace that he and my dad installed last year? LOVE IT. Jude is out playing some game with him in the mancave. He always has time for those kids... even when they are driving him insane. LOVE IT. I may have a tendency to complain but when it comes right down to it - I know I am a princess. I know I could sit around all day eating bon-bons and watching soaps and he would take care of us and love me just the same.
And I guess that is why I love him the most. Because he has always - since the moment I met him - he made me NOT want to sit around and do nothing with my life. He honestly makes me want to be a better person every day. He believes that if we want something we can make it, if we have a goal we can achieve it, if there is someone we want to help we we should - no matter the cost or inconvenience, and if we want to follow Christ with all of our hearts - we can do that too - tripping, falling all over ourselves and being genuinely a mess is really not a problem - it is just a part of life - get back up and keep going. He has experienced grace and he gives it freely - to me and others.
He is a good man... my old man... and I can imagine nothing greater than grow up... growing old and growing better by his side.

So here is the deal Dear. In this, your thirtieth year of life, let's try you cutting back on the junk food and I will try to cut back on breaking things. I'll let you go to bed an hour earlier if you'll get up a half an hour earlier. Promise. We both need our beauty sleep these days. Oh - and you need lotion. If you'll put lotion on this winter before your hands start to bleed, I'll THINK about ironing those shirts. Kay? Hope you have a great year, love.

Holidays have come ~ Asli has gone

2011-12-05T15:03:00.005-06:00

The Holidays have come to 703 Fort. We got the tree this week, baked dozens of Christmas cookies, enjoyed the first snow and hot fire simmered wasal. The nativities are arranged and rearranged, the stockings are hung and the gift giving has begun with joyous cries as all the students opened their personalized ornaments from Joan and Bob. I received a few things today as well. I got my office back, and I practically got a new wardrobe and library from all the things Asli left behind. But we lost a friend. And all the gifts and beautiful or comfortable things in the world can't replace a relationship. Thankfully, nor can all the time and the miles in the world steal a relationship. Today, with a deep heaviness but relief in my heart I knew what I had always hoped – the bonds we have built within these walls will never be erased or replaced.
Of course things will change... and today we morn those changes. The children morn the loss of their constant companion and playmate. The only masters student I know who is willing to put off studying to play Zoobals. The renter of the i-pad, the bringer of laughter and stories all around. I am morning the loss of her slippered feet shuffling into the kitchen at the first clank of the dinner pans. To ask what we were having, to offer a needed suggestion, lend a helping hand, or tell a tale of a Turkish food that is “So delicious – Amanda, we can do it!”. And of course who will suggest an addition of garlic yogurt to everything and lemon in every soup? Who will skype transatlantic dinner tales, and make me feel that my daily routine is something news worthy? Who will remind me that my naughty, naughty children are someones love worthy? Who will listen when I just want scream about miscommunications and unmet expectations? My office seems so pointless to enter without someone to share it with. Today, we morn these things.
We morn the loss of our beautiful Dorthy, our Skype queen, our friend. We'd rather she were within our walls – but we know, “there is no place like home.” So go – go home, our friend. Travel safe and find your family well. Enjoy the faces and foods, places and warmth of your culture that we know you have so dearly missed. May your future be as bright as your laughter – the love given to you as broad as the love you have shared with us. May you continue to teach others by example what it means to enjoy life and live faithfully and honsetly toward all those who you hold in your heart. May you pursue truth and find it – may you build a home and dwell there in peace. We can not pray enough good and beauty on your future life, because we could never have imagined such beauty coming into ours.

Dear Asli - I took this photo after we made your shoes because I knew at that moment you had left a mark on our lives... Thank you.

Our “backsoon” and back from Branson

2011-11-29T08:45:00.008-06:00

So the week before Thanksgiving I was pretty much wallowing in self-disgust. It choked out more than a bit of my thankfulness. Ironically – one of the deepest frustrations which I was allowing to suck my joy was my son. More particularly HIS wallowing, self-disgust and HIS unthankfulness. His bad attitude was giving ME a bad attitude. You know, that makes so much sense and is obviously going to lead to a happy outcome right?
“Kid, be thankful – you've got a house, food, a family that loves you, and such a happy life. - So be happy or I will scream at you.” Oh wait – I already am. "If you don't want to enjoy giving a gift to some poor kid in Africa – I'll guilt you into it. Ok – so maybe you STILL don't want to give a gift – but at least now you are crying." That makes me feel better. Well, not really.
“Kid, all I'm asking you to do is make your bed and brush your teeth. It's not a lot. Quit complaining. You want to hear who has to do A LOT – well I'll tell you who – ME.” And after 20 minutes... he has an epic example of how to REALLY complain. And so the downward spiral goes – bad attitude, begets bad attitude and I'm guessing the chicken came before her egg.
But how to stop it? I'm still not sure – but in a moment of enlightenment brought on by Winnie the Pooh, a 5:00 a.m. Bible Study, and maybe a little guidance from the Holy Spirit – we are going to giving something a try.
The general colors of my issues and my sons are these: negativity, obsessiveness, selfishness, and anxiety. It is not a pretty combo. And the most bizarre part about this general outlook on life is that they are almost entirely figments of our imagination. They are “all in our head” - so to speak. Imaginary problems that pummel us to the ground – so my previous response to them in both he and I has been, “get over it.” But that isn't really work well for either of us. That's where Winnie the Pooh comes in. The new Winnie the Pooh is the tale of the “heffalump” revisited. Only this time the imaginary creature that is hunted and feared is called a “backsoon.” The monster is merely the result of the owl's poor literacy and the fearful imagination of the woodland creatures. Nevertheless they spend their whole day and all of their valuable possessions trying to trap it and save their friend who had simply left a note saying, “He was busy and would be back soon.” In all oft their imagining owl insisted that the worst characteristic of the “backsoon” was that he is “terribly busy.” And I laughed out loud because I thought of Jude and I as we run from place to place - thing to thing always keeping ourselves occupied in search of the next thing... the current is always such a hassle. The present such an inconvenience – always missing the gift – forever seeing the monster. And we are so terribly busy with it all. But of course it is all in our heads. So, we are going to try to bury our backsoons. I get it from my mother – when all else fails – make a chart. A gimmick, as Jarod says.

Mostly – I like to think of it as a reminder.
That the only way to bury a lie is with the truth.
5 Minutes to cuddle and pray after breakfast,
ten things to share in Thankfulness as we walk to school,
a memory verse to recite and speak the truth over the lie,
an incentive to get off the computer,
one thing to give to others... a moment.. a hug.. to remember all we have – and share,
and finally ten minutes just to sit together and laugh before bed.
Just because we are happy to be here – now.
And to do this – I must do less – my backsoon must be less BUSY.
And you know what?
His backsoon is shrinking... slowly, with my slow reminders at every whine and complaint – that we are working against that ugliness. We are a team against the backsoon – we are not at war with one another. We fight the same battle, and we will rejoice together in the small victories. My boy and I against our backsoons.

And I'll take this moment to share a thankfulness – for a trip gone well. Amazing weather, the best of memories – where I saw potential for disaster we only had laughter and excitement. We had the most beautiful of fall breaks.... our van of 10 traveling to the Ozarks and back. We were blessed – and not even the Backsoons got in the way.

We started the trip with a family thanksgiving in Marion... where there was a bathtub in the church yard. With such a wonderful photo op right off ... we knew it was going to be a great trip!

Happy exhaustion.

2011-11-03T13:23:00.006-05:00

There are a million moments from this week that I never want to forget:
The moment that, while running on a dark cold Tuesday morning, Seonjin and I found ourselves, in an instant, flat on the ground, clotheslined at the knee by an unexpected fence. We have bruises this week and I laugh out loud each time I flench in pain. In the moment I thought, “Too bad no one was around to enjoy that view!”
The moment that I realized that Saad, our flying monkey, was dancing a frenzied hop on the front porch while taking a smoke break before the Halloween festivities got into full swing. There he bounced, waving to every single staring car that inched by. In the moment I thought, “If we do stuff like this too often the city may just buy us a fence to keep us IN.”
Our beaming boy as his “Frankenstein's monster” gourd made it into the finalists.
The four hundred moments that I have taken time to enjoy Lucy's speech that is ever so lacking in “s” sounds. One day there will be no more, “'picy” food, “cary 'piders”, “out in the 'treets”, “big 'ticks”, “ “'poons” and “everyone goes to 'chool but ME” . And speaking of pronunciation – Alsi is leaving and I am going to miss all her “t'inking” and “vater” and “vells...”... Oh, I will miss them.
And I never want to forget the moment she asked when we would visit her and when we honestly faced the reality together of our roads parting for good. We made all our plans to Skype in for her wedding – and pick up where we left off, someday,– and knowing we love one another none-the-less for it.
I don't want to forget Sunday morning when I taught 2 Japanese girls to make Sushi. It may have been my proudest culinary moment. Ever.
Looking over the congregation at church and thinking – “We Americans are out numbered. What happened?”
Our entire household in plastic hair nets and aprons – packing food for Somalia... but only after Lucy had sufficiently shaken each package. We were beautiful Saturday.
The moment when Seonjin finally caved and began to enjoy being the “bad witch” even with the dermatologically damaging face paint. And the moment she told me in complete honesty that I was kidding myself if I thought my face only had ONE ugly blemish. Maybe I need daily green face paint.
The moment the Saudi's insisted on buying bag after bag of candy and treats for Halloween – for the “festival”. “We like this festival – for you – happy Haloween – it's ok, it's ok!”
I don't want to forget the moments where Jarod and I actually sat down and talked about how we wouldn't trade this life for anything... but we have got to figure out a way to catch each other with more than a “hi and bye” from one week to the next. I don't want to forget that we are working on a game plan here and that it is important to each of us.
A friend over coffee, reminding me to breath: a friend on the phone laughing at my darkest thoughts – knowing they were fleeting. That grace.
I don't want to forget that Jude finally voiced that he does, “love school – just hate getting up so early!” - we can work with that. Really – not a problem.
Kingson as a Ninja was classic. Next to the American Nome family was even better.
My mom in full Saudi garb... I really thought she was beautiful!
The aimless teenage neighbor boy down the street beginning to catch a vision for the world through our home brings hope.
When the Saudis handed a Korean guest a cup of steaming tea, and she inhaled a thrilled breath and then in her most complimentary voice said, “ah, this smells like a public bathroom!” Yes – that was priceless. Of course she meant that it smelled like an aromatic spa – but still for the moment, I thought, “you did NOT just say that!” But she did. Our house is full of things none of us should ever say – but it works anyway. And that grace – I never want to forget.
Asli as Dorthy in a Kansas field at sunset.
The whole Wizard of Oz crew laughing in my parent's driveway.
Tony's family name carved in a pumpkin, readying it to take a picture to send to his son – us both silently wishing he was at our side... down on the floor with my flying monkey.
Enough Pumpkins on our porch to make the mail man stumble.
Watching the first snow of the year through the door of Jude's class with 20 excited little ones who were “trying to focus” on math.
My husband, at the end of one of the longest weeks ever, standing tall amongst 40 screaming kids on a Wednesday night... smiling - truly happy... when I know he'd rather be anywhere else on earth.
It's been one of those weeks... one of those very good long weeks.

Big groups

2011-10-16T21:34:00.005-05:00

I haven't been blogging much lately. I think I feel reclusive. I feel tired. I am too tired to share one more thought - one more moment with anyone but myself. I have gone back to journaling instead of blogging. I wasn't sure why.
Then I looked at my photos and I realized.... I don't like big groups. Ever.
SO..... I might be in trouble.
Actually... I looked at the photos again and I wouldn't have changed one moment for anything.
I'm not in trouble ... just adjusting.

A month or so ago Marrina shared with almost all the sixth graders in Hays about Chinese culture and cultural adjustments. She did amazing... and I have high hopes that she planted seems of acceptance and compassion into those little heads.

Washington school has been fabulous at allowing me to participate at least two days a week in Jude's class and kindergarden. Last week was this fun field trip to the "Old Fort" - and this week we sunk homemade ships with clay tiles. I am loving these kids already... but honestly - who teaches kindergarden - 23 5 year olds - 40 hours a week - for 25 years?? That's nuts!

Ahh..... last weekend was Octoberfest. It found us prepared for the drunken insanity, where we sold hot dogs on the front lawn at midnight. We made $75 which we will send through Numana for Somalian food shortages. The following photos are two of our wonderful salesmen in the parade, and a group of the students preparing the signs.

And.. as if our family doesn't make escaping "the crowd" hard enough - our best friends have a crowd of children. Here they are enjoying their ice cream cones - which were promised to them on July 4th for when we got our first 1/2 inch of rain. Yes folks... we don't get much rain around here... so this was a big deal!

And finally, this weekend we took an amazing trip to Castle Rock. SOOOO... memorable for all 22 of us I think.

And last but not least... a rattle snake from castle rock. I hear they are reclusive... like to hang out where there aren't any people. So I guess I am pretty safe.

Where I eat fried food

2011-09-30T09:32:00.003-05:00

I eat fried food at the State fair. All kinds of fried food. When I go visit my grandma in the nursing home I ear fried chicken. Last night the girls and I randomly attend a “Party with a Purpose” at a campus restaurant and eat 8 trays of fried appetizers: green beans, mushrooms, corn fritters, chips, tacitos, pickles, and doubles of most. I ate fried fish at my parents house and fried squash at our house during family dinner. Jarod is planning an “all things fried” party at our house after Halloween. He has plans for Reese's and twinkies. Oh he has plans.
And we find joy in our fried food and the laughter that surrounds the “fried Koolaide” signs and at watching me try to eat the horribly burned chicken with my grandma... amazed that she can eat it with only 2 teeth. And so I was thinking – with all this frying going along with our fun family and friend times this month.... it might be healthier if I took up drinking.
But it is getting cold here... so I am going to try soup first. It is cheaper. If that doesn't turn into our party indulgent of choice... I really might have to take up drinking for health's sake, because we are just having we too much fun around here to be frying with every event.

Through Beautiful Eyes

2011-09-19T08:58:00.006-05:00

About the time that facebook was taking over the world and I was vainly refusing to join, my sister-in-law “friended” my friend Andrea. After a few months of watching her comments, my sister-in-law commented that Andrea's posts were always so positive – no matter what. I was not surprised. Andrea might be the only “positive” person that I don't find gratingly annoying. And I guess, that is because I don't ever think it is fake or easy for her to do so. She chooses to view the world beautiful. She is an amazing photographer but I think that this requires little skill compared to how skillfully and intentionally she looks at the world around her.
She is able to find beauty because she knows it has to be there. She knows it has to be there because she know her God. She knows He is good and all that He does is good... sometimes it's just very out of focus or poorly lit, or hidden, or in fleeting glimpses. She has made an art of living, looking for it. That's why I wish she lived closer... so she could see my life beautiful every day. But since she doesn't – I learn to see it beautiful for myself... just like she teaches me ISO over the phone, she processes my day over the phone – and she helps me bring it into focus.

Thank you.

A few of her captured moments from her trip in July. Those days were WAY easy to view beautifully.

Sometimes I have faith

2011-09-15T20:31:00.001-05:00

Habakkuk 3:16-19
I hear these things, and my body trembles;
       my lips tremble when I hear the sound.
    My bones feel weak,
       and my legs shake.

    But I will wait patiently for the day of disaster
       that will come to the people who attack us.
17 Fig trees may not grow figs,
       and there may be no grapes on the vines.
    There may be no olives growing
       and no food growing in the fields.
    There may be no sheep in the pens
       and no cattle in the barns.
18 But I will still be glad in the Lord;
       I will rejoice in God my Savior.
19 The Lord God is my strength.
       He makes me like a deer that does not stumble
       so I can walk on the steep mountains.

Sometimes I just look at people and wonder why they aren't a pile of tears on the floor.

Her husband is in ICU, having just had an unknown type tumor removed from his colon and a spot from his lung. Then he had a heart attack. It is his second this year. Meanwhile she cares for his 97 year old mom and her ailing mother is coming to live by them next week. Her house is full of her children, grandchildren and friends. Not to mention the three Chinese girls who are living with them this semester, steaming some rice in the kitchen, all hushed voices. Front row seats to a Christian family mid-crisis. Is this faith stuff real? She laughs as she says, “Physical therapy consists of teaching him to put on his own pants... but he's not wearing pants right now, anyway.” Seriously, she speaks, “if he has one more heart attack, it's over.” She's still standing and smiling. Faith stands.

….
He's been down this road before: genetic – gut wrenching - chemical depression. Compounded by a repeat of history - a horror story of a family. A family man, abandoned. Children... one... two …. three months... no visitation allowed. Time passes and the darkness closes in. Almost. But not complete. And maybe there was someone there, to stand in the gap, to pry open a little sliver of light. Not enough to stand up in – or find your way... but just enough to stave off the madness. Just enough to say... “if I can make it through tonight, tomorrow the sun WILL rise.” It's a mustard seed.

….
On her hip, she sways her one year old baby girl,decked out in daughter's hand-me-down's. The girl is snot-nose cranky with a cold that is not letting her sleep several hours past her bedtime. Mama is calm, recounting yesterdays events, which include hours of miscarrying their third in the bathroom while the four year old boy threw up eight times... in the arms of an exhausted father. The father is now at the grocery store late at night... the little one falling asleep in mom's arms. And she speaks passionately about the stress of reaching ten-year as a foreign woman professor of the sciences in our midwestern university. Her reviews have improved, she says, all but one, where the Kansas boys still finish her year evaluation with profanities and disrespect. With an easy swipe of their pen, jeopardizing all that she has worked for in the last decade. The racism, the chauvinism– it fights her but it will never win. So, she will go to work tomorrow, weak and anemic, to be there for her students, to instruct on a subject that still brings her passion and joy. And tonight, the little girl sleeps finally, on mama's chest – and mama sits and rests... in visible peace. Faith has found a home.

….
These two sit hour-after-hour engaged in truth, hidden in a language that is more like a riddle than communication. But yet they change. They grow more confident, more at peace. Losing fear, finding hope – entering into a kingdom not of their country nor of ours. And they move forward knowing that no one else they know shares this journey. No husband, parent, sibling or child approves of the faith embraced. But the draw is deeper still.

….
Tuesday night a meeting to discuss what we can do and how we can help Women at risk of human trafficking. What prayers, what money, what empowerment can mid-western women give to the women of this world less fortunate – more in bondage than ourselves? We as believers are broken together, as we know there is not much but that we can do a little. A something. So we do a little something, and are challenged to do more. Faith moves.
Wednesday afternoon the university begins their strike against hunger with a small gathing in the back of the library. They want to partner with “Numana.” I smile to myself thinking, “I wander if they know the play on words, the deep history of provision.” Can there ever be anything NEW about MANNA? Isn't it always the same? Provision comes from the strangest of places... from God alone, and we wonder 'what it is it?' And they discuss who in the community could help with feeding the world, and the first suggestion is the churches. Not because they want to acknowledge this, but because that is who gives.
And I feel a deep peace, that I had almost forgotten in my cynicism. Amidst the centuries of error and horror and failure of the humans who follow Christ, Christ has led anyway... and along the way there have been hospitals and schools, relief, and love in the darkest corners of the world. And when Somalia calls – the church – broken though it may be - will answer. Because grace comes by faith.
And then the man, some professor, some Dr., who I am sure was trying to say something different, instead spoke the desperate need of the heart of humanity, more clearly than I have heard in a long time: “Poverty is not something that is happening TO us. It is not a meteor striking the earth – it is something we are doing to ourselves – it is a moral dilemma and no one is thinking of these things – we are not thinking in moral terms as we buy food, eat, make trade agreements, build factories, make policies. We are the cause of starvation, and no amount of packaging food is going to fix that.” And I pray, “thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” In me. In the church. In the world. Faith's final fix is yet to come.

And tonight a group of men gather in our garage to pry for one another, uphold one another, search for answers where they may be found – lead to truth those who will desire. Faith is just a little bit strange.

And this week, I have seen these things, and it pulled at my disabled memory. Of widows sustained, orphans surrounded, people mobilized to make a difference, forgiveness given after war, generosity drawn from once clutched hands, and those living with disability and disease, not just surviving but embracing and sharing life.

And maybe some days I believe the lie that my faith is a crutch or it is an opiate. I doubt, deeply. But not today. Because this story I believe about a good God ordering and sustaining the world cannot be only a crutch – if it is any such enabler it is full blown life support. It cannot be a drug that disables because I have seen more passion and deep motivation for change behind the Cross than any other place.

But that's today.

I heart these guys...

2011-09-06T14:52:00.004-05:00

Just for the record. When they all get old and crippled at the SAME TIME. When everyone else has siblings to share the burden of aging parents with, and I just have the burden of aging siblings. When our lives go from complicated to MORE complicated. Please remind me - I wouldn't trade these guys for the world. If I got to choose my siblings I'd choose them in a heart beat. Remind me of this day - of these days - whenever I begin to complain. Whenever they complain, or nag, or lie, or steal my kid's candy, or eat four bags of popcorn, or one of the other MILLION annoying things that they do... remind me that they are the best... they always will be the best and that I love them.

Also, about the time that they are all getting old and disabled-er my kids will be teenagers. Please remind me that I love them too. Because I do. AND - they crack me up!

Tales from the classroom... and our TV... and the porch

2011-08-30T21:50:00.001-05:00

My kids amuse me – but Jude's poor teacher. She never would have guessed that a boy could come home with such detailed stories and analytical questions about her pedagogical methods and the general state of the pupil population. So, the first week of tears is over, we went to the parents' night and most of the wrinkles in life's new schedule are ironed out. The food is acceptable and he has a friend, so asking, “how was your day?” - is most commonly answered with short and sincere “good.” It wasn't until yesterday that I noticed a continued progression toward more of a spectator “good” rather than a participant response. Like he had just watched an enjoyable movie rather than been instructed in anything. And yesterday it was apparent from his smirk that he considers the pageant of his classroom of the comical genre.
And how could it not be – really? With 23 kids in one room it has got to be hysterical – for the observe – for the director it must lead to hysteria. We have tales of children being sent to the principle office multiple times. In the first week. We have pant wetting tales, and sticker charts just for “not fighting” - we have copying tales and oh so much more. According to him – he is the only kid who hasn't lost his “ticket” in the last ten days... and people – he is NOT that good of a kid. I think I'll start to blog some of these stories in time... but what I am really looking forward to is getting to know these kids personally – and this teacher who is doing so well. I hope she finds as much joy in the moments of her classroom as I get from reliving them on the walk home. It's like I've got this whole new group of little people to pray for... and pray I shall, because our son is now influenced more by them than by us.

I do have one – maybe my first ever – parenting success to report. I just thought I'd share it, in case it helps anyone else. LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRARIE mandatory TV. You see, my son has always been addicted to the screen – he comes by it naturally on both sides. And really, I didn't mind when it was Thomas the Train or some other innocent preschool show. But somehow, TV shows jump from preschool level to middle school level.
My friends tell me just to sit with the kid and check everything out – but really, I don't want to watch Ben10 at 4 in the afternoon – Sorry – not going to happen. Or search some fancy website to find out all the ratings, but I'd rather, say, read blogs – than analysis of cartoons. And even if there is something amazing on, the number of commercials per hour is sure to drain even the most safe guarded bank account. And if, just if, I found one show I trusted - the visual heroin would leave them with shakes afterward and erase all memory of how to play with the zombied lines, “PLEEAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE, ONE moooooooooore.”
But, really, after a long day at school I think a snack in front of the TV sounds relaxing. So here's what we did. One disk of “Little House on the Prairie” from the library each week – five 1 hour episodes that they enjoy, are edified by and can move on from afterward. I haven't heard, “can we watch a movie?” for two weeks. I am thinking we will have enough disks to make it through 3rd grade – it's my longest parenting plan EVER.

On a side note – we have 7 other people living with us now. University is in full swing, our office is in our bedroom and Asli is in the office (which is very convenient since she is right next to the kitchen and super helpful at meal times!) Ramadan ended this morning – they all went to Mosque for a celebration while I pulled bindweed - and as I pulled out of the driveway to deliver a table to a house full of Chinese students there was a group of Saudi students in full dress sitting on the front porch doing homework. I laughed to myself and thought, “Now THAT is something you don't see in Hays every day.” I mean, the Saudi students in headdress – not the huge pile of bindweed... sadly I see huge piles of bindweed almost every day.

It could have been worse - 1st day of school

2011-08-18T11:16:00.005-05:00

Jude's first day of school - the theme for the year is "Lights, Camera, Learn" - here he is in his shirt:

I threw my little lamb to the wolves one other time -and it was also not a total success. In Honduras when we sent Jude to the bi-lingual school it lasted a month until he had a complete break down and laid on his bed for three days. That school was optional. This one is not. It is a wonderful school full of amazing and diverse people. It is the world in a building -a training ground for life - and he will do well. Eventually. Right now we are both a little shell shocked and confused by the whole group of them and their "hollywood" themed school year. A limo ride on the first day? An all school assembly of teachers in red carpet costume - making it fun - keepin' it real. But as I watch him from a distance spin lonely on the playground I wonder what he is thinking and I think, "Surely he could just learn to read at home. That's all he needs right? That. And me.
No.
It's gonna be ok Jude.
It's gonna be ok me.
Just so glad we believe in a God who loves him more than we do.
Just glad that God has a plan - 'cause I don't. Not after tomorrow.
We have marshmallow cereal and a living room camp out with the Lowerys planned... after that he is kinda on his own.

In other news - Julia and Kingson moved out - Jessie and Marrina came back. Tony and Seonjin come next week and Saad and Salah the next. Asli is staying through October - so our house will be 5 nationalities - 11 people. If you are trying to communicate with me right now and I am not quite tracking -I'm sorry - give me two weeks to re-adjust. I'm thinking of changing my blog name. Something with a little more international flair or something - but really when it comes right down to it - I'm still just a non-desperate housewife - of a really big full house.

first decade

2011-08-11T08:28:00.004-05:00

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Ephesians 5:24-26

Dear Jarod,
You do well. On this our 10 year anniversary I received a nice meal out, a string of pearls, a figurine commemorating love, patio furniture, and a beautiful lakeside trip. None of them were given to me by you. Thank you.

When I married you ten years ago – though I was attracted to your charming ways and brilliant wit – I married you because I thought you would make me a better person. I now know that you can't make me a better person. But your love if full of grace and that encourages me to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. And you have given me a life full of opportunity to try do that. A life full of favors for others – for sharing and going even when we would rather not. I life that includes late night trips to the airport. A life that includes so much time with our families. A life that is never too full for doing a favor for someone in need. A house full of people to love. A life with our children and our niece. A checkbook that is full because you work – and freely emptied when you see a need. A life full of friends and laughter. And in the midst of encouraging us to go, do, give, and be more - within you is a deep restfulness that calls me to sit by you. By the pond, on the porch, on the couch, in the mancave, with the students, with the children, alone, in front of a TV, with a book, whenever – because it really isn't about us anyway. You have brought me a life of balance and joy. The life you have allowed me to live so far – gives me gifts – and that is the greatest gift I could ever imagine.
Happy Decade.

And to those who have shared it with us... Thank you.

One more random trip. This time to Feeport Il, to visit the Arevalos - they are an example of gracious living. We have so many wonderful examples to follow.

Thanks for July

2011-08-08T16:30:00.005-05:00

Dear God,
There are a lot of people around here who weren't such big fans of July. You may have overdone the heat a bit. 18 days over 100? only 3 days that dipped into the 80's? We weren't prepared for it - and over all - I might be a the only one who appreciated the stint in the furnace. So I thought I should send a thank you note - since the weather was just for me. Oh - and for the books - it was the perfect combo. I am sure I will need refresher courses but right now I just want to thank you for the rest and the joy. I want to thank you that I played with the three little ones for a whole month - swam with them - read with them - and enjoyed them because it was just too hot for anything else. I thank you that I learned to love the cool early mornings and to sit on the long evenings with the Suadis. You gave us so many chairs recently - around the pond - on the porch - perfect places to sit - when it was too hot to do anything else. And I liked it. I think I napped without guilt. It was a good and beautiful month. Thank you for James Bryan Smith's books - "The Good and Beautiful God" and the "Good and Beautiful Life." They came and just the right time - to meditate - when it was too hot to do anything else. It has been an amazing summer of simple calm joy. Thank you for the horrible weather, the lack of air conditioning, and mostly for the amazing people to share it all with. Please forgive my complaints. You know what you are doing.

Swimming is how I will remember these kiddos this summer - they have become fish!

Just some cute photos of summer activities and Lucy's Princess tea party - it was a blast!!

Non-dramatic

2011-07-26T16:08:00.002-05:00

So this all started with my soon-to-be diet. In an effort to shrink my ever growing ability to out-eat both man and beast – I developed a one week “juice fast” that is going to rock my world – well, at least my first week of August. Once I had skeemed and obsessed long enough about whether or not to included raw oats – I asked my friend who is a nutritionist what he thought of the whole plan. He looked at me blankly, “What exactly is the goal?”
“To stop overeating – to shrink my stomach - so I am no longer hungry for 3 helpings.” I replied.
After a few minutes of listening to my thoughts and lifestyle plans, I again asked, “What do you think?” - expecting of course that he would think I was a nutritional genius.
But instead, “Well, I guess you can do that if you want. But what you really need to do – what I would advise is to do is - CHEW.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know, just slow down when you eat, listen to your body and chew about twice as much - you'll eat half.”

SERIOUSLY? CHEW? That was so anti-climatic!!! Especially after my weeks of planning and tabulating – he tells me all I need to do is chew. That's so simple. Where is the drama in that? The re-ordering of my life? The accomplishment? The difficulty of it all? It's too EASY.
Except it is not. I have trying to chew for a week – and it isn't working. I haven't slowed down one bit. Julia, our “rice counter” as her mother dubbed her – still literally finishes dinner 20 minutes after me. I don't exactly know what she is doing at her end of the table but I think it involves chewing. I might need classes.

And then I got to thinking. We are obsessed with drama. We are not fans of normal and easy. We want it over the top. Not simple but drawn out and fascinating. Not effective really – just interesting. like cabbage diets - or south beach - Atkins - or juice or whatever. And that is how we do life. No moderation, no simple, slow and effective. We don't really like chewing.

We have TV shows on building sandcastles and couponing – there is even a show about a guy who runs gas stations. They made it extreme.

Think of love songs, “there ain't no Mountain high enough – there ain't no river wide enough....” And I'm sure there's not – we will do any DRAMATIC thing for love – but once we reach that mountain hight and our beloved starts leaving every cabinet door open or picking their feet while you watch TV - It's all over. Loving like that is too simple. It's chewing. I think I could love Jarod really well if he had a terminal illness – but he is rather annoying and whiny with an ear infection. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

And economically and politically we create these grand extremist plots that tick off half the population – instead of everybody just giving a little. A little. I don't want anyone to OVERHAUL anything – I just want all those big hot shots to cut something - A LITTLE. But where is the drama in that? The accomplishment?

And then of course there is my spiritual life. I'd like a little more drama – a little less “chewing”. I think I might be willing to burn at the stake for Jesus – just as long as he doesn't ask me to give too much before I burn. Like, I'd rather not babysit a whole bunch or share my bathroom with a stranger. I'd rather not cut back on my yelling and pity parties. I'd rather not wake up a few minutes early to pray – or call someone that I know will spend two hours “dumping on me”. Those things are just too simple. Unnoticeable even. Unmentionable. Like saying, “I'm going on a chewing diet.”
“I'm working on being loving this week.” Big whoppty-do.
No one is going to make a TV show about that. No one is even going to write a blog about that. Which is why I have decided to go on the “juice fast” after all – because it requires NO CHEWING AT ALL. And while I'm at it, I think I am going on a media fast too for a week - no computer at all -because I can't just slow down my consumption - that would be too easy.

I'll work on being non-dramatic in September.

On this your third birthday

2011-07-18T10:25:00.004-05:00

This morning - with her second breakfast of "baby 'matos"

Your favorite meal is noodles – your greatest disappointment is when someone makes the noodles too “picy.”
You eat and dribble baby “matos” like they are candy … carrying around the produce bowl, from room to room making me beam with nutritional pride and cringe with the thought of the mess.
Your cheeks are too big and saggy, your eyes like the moon -and your hair – like wisps of insanity.
You'll wear nothing but a dress and always show your underwear – which are 9 times out of ten falling down. That is if you are not in a princess costume or tu-tu. These are your preferred states if you can't be NAKED.
Your brother adores you. That's it. Adores you anyway. After a million, “LUUUCCCYYY!!!!” shreeks at the end of any day – he adores you. And, that, my daughter, is grace.
You desire him, to play with him, be with him, pee before he pees, eat what he eats, talk to him, talk at him, read at him, be read to by him, question him, deny him, boss him, and seek affirmation from him.
From all of us, “Right?, Right? Right?” - you say all day long – seeking full approval of your every word and thought. And, “actually” - correcting yourself and others, as you go.
And your “papa,” your “daddy” - is wrapped around your finger – he is hopelessly in love -worthless when it comes to actually disciplining you constructively in teachable moments, because he says, “she's cute – and she cuddles”. But you might be the only person who can get under his skin and make him insane faster than me.
You aren't even on the charts for weight, but considering the Dr. asked if you are getting, “at least 60 minutes of activity a day,” and I don't think you are inactive 6 minutes a day – their scale might be irrelevant for you.
The whole world might be irrelevant to you. At least 4 women from 4 different countries have said, “I admire her – she is so sure of herself.”
You are just three. How do I foster that wonderful confidence while the world assaults you with your faults and differences? And how do I, at the same time teach you the humility, that just maybe, just once in a while, someone else is right, and just maybe, once in a while, “me do it – me self” is not the best way?
I don't know. I don't know how to parent you at all.
When you stick your fingers in your ears instead of crying when your dad loses his temper.
When you put yourself in time out – because frankly you just need a break from me.
When you insist on doing your puzzles face down.
When you eat with your fingers like a Saudi, and still say “agua” like you live in Honduras.
You stole my confidence while in utero. But you have taught me how to pray. How to beg at Jesus feet – for something good for your future. Not come from me. For our future relationship, in spite of me.
I love you Lu.

For the sake of amnesia

2011-07-12T13:31:00.009-05:00

I obviously don't make the time to be keep a decent blog – hence the blog I have. But I have it - because I know the dark truth about mommy amnesia. You see, I have friends with babies – friends who are potty training and friends who are fighting weird baby health issues and normal 2 year old behavioral problems. I don't actually remember any of that stuff – I know it was only a couple of years ago – and I think it was hard – but I honestly don't remember.
I also know about ministry amnesia. I know people who are discouraged by tough finances, delayed deadlines, non-responsive people, overly demanding people, dashed expectations, building plans gone awry, and spiritual lives drained to the dregs. Those times are so demanding that as soon as you leave them you develop amnesia. Like you block out all memories that were moments more than you could handle, (sometimes I wonder how my mother-in-law, raising for kids by herself, has any memory at all).
I want to chronicle the “too-much” moments in my life so that I can be gracious to those who are currently living them in theirs. I never want to give the "always-running late mom" a look of, “get it together.” I never want to give the crying pastor's wife the look of, “dry up.” So I blog to help cure my amnesia.
I also know – from too many desperate conversations, that in the midst of difficulty... of the dropping naps or bringing in new people adjustment moments – we forget to see the people. We miss the joy of the moments. So I may miss them while they are happening but I will at least force myself to sit down and chronicle them here. “The documentation,” as Alison puts it, “is so extensive – more than anyone has.” Yes, that is true, but this documentation... may it be a tool to make me humble and gracious and thankful ALWAYS.

Documentation: While typing this - I disciplined at my daughter for jumping on her bed while she was supposed to be napping, gave up on forcing my niece to eat eggs, facebook messaged two Chinese students who have been awaiting my response for over two weeks, and successfully avoided cleaning out those closets and scrubbing my floors – yet again. Also, we buried a turtle this morning and contracted someone to paint our trim, because I am OBVIOUSLY NOT getting that done. But I really should work on the Western Kansas freelance brochure I have been contracted for... to offset the $ to paint the house trim. Yes, let's all have a good laugh – I am going to “advertise” Western Kansas. Hypocrite? Actually – I am happy here- why couldn't someone – ANYONE else be?

Jude got to pitch the first pitch in a local semi-pro baseball game.

Lucy got a free hotdog while her brother pitched - and these photos reminded me so much of a photo on my blog 3 years ago - Jude -after a hot dog - age 3.

Here are some photos from my NJ cousins' trip to KS - it is a good thing I have these two photos because when I downloaded them I was seriously surprised to remember that this little trip had happened just last month.

Here's our pond before it got too scummy... there will be no more pictures of it - I'd rather have amnesia.

Here are the kids with their "homemade R2D2"

This is my only good photo of a 5 days AMAZING visit from the Bernard family. The better photographer is sending my proper documentation of the whole event :).

Colorado:

some Documentation of our 2 day colorado family get-away. Look closely because it may be the last trip we ever take our kids on - they prefer the grandparents who buy more tokens and ice cream and have fewer picnic lunches and required naps.

I like required naps - I also apparently like leftover strawberry birthday cake - I just ate two whole pieces - straight from the pan - dirtying six forks because all I wanted was "one bite" each time. Documented. Note to self: next time just get a plate.

DNDIY

2011-06-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

(please note this post may be somewhat warped by the outside temp of 102 – or my personal temp of 100 due to some summer-body-ache-up-all-night-illness)

Last August, when our students still thought our daily life was interesting, Marinna went to the local hardware store with me. It was one of probably four trips for me that week as we were still deep into our basement project. It was her first trip to such a place in her life.
She stared around in bored awe – not understanding one thing she saw – probably how I would look at the tools needed to fix the hubble telescope. Why even bother to ask what something is or what something does if you won't understand the answer?
She calmly stated, “Oh I know – this is for DIY. You Americans really like DIY. We don't.”
“Oh, how I hate misconceptions of internationally broadcasted television,” I thought. “No.” I said, “actually we don't like DIY – it is just so expensive to hire someone that we are forced to do it ourselves.”
“Yes it is cheap to hire labor in China, but a lot of us don't have any extra money. We wouldn't know how. How do you know how?”
I wanted to say.... “See that our basement is STILL leaking? We obviously don't know how either.” But the truth was, Jarod and my dad can do about anything... I don't know how other DIY'ers do it but these guys are amazing. They have taken a 50 gallon leak down to a small trickle with some rain barrels, dirt and some chewing gum – for $500.00 instead of $5,000. But still I said, “We don't know exactly what we are doing but both of our grandfathers did, my dad and uncle do, and Jarod just figures stuff out as we go along. We don't like this – but it allows us to have the kind of home and life we like – full of beauty and people – that's why we DIY.”
But I am a big fat lier.
We finished the house an we started the man cave. Half-way through the man cave we started the yard – the hand trenching of waterlines and electrical lines and building a dry river bed – half-way through that we started the pond and during DIYing the pond we discuss the porch that needs to be done and the fence -and peppered through the last year are of course a million little DIY projects lurking around every corner that need to be done in a 100 year old house – turned dorm.
Then we started the waterfall. And half-way through shoveling out the second truck bed of rock in 100 degree heat, I thought, “we don't need a freaking waterfall!”
I think we are addicted to DIY. I look at our garage that for a year has looked like the hardware store just puked all over it. Our garage looks like a DIY vomit volcano and our children spew the words, “When are we going to finish... XYZ...” like memorized play parts. There are half-used remnants of our projects everywhere and all I can think of is the verse from Proverbs, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” That is me every time I go into my garage. That is Jarod every time I ask him what he is thinking, in a quite moment before we fall asleep or on the way home from church and all he can spew is some technical mumbo-jumbo about the waterfall.
Should I start a DIY'ers anonymous? Is there need for it out there? Should I just move to Suadi Arabia and hire their laborers, as we are told it only costs $17 to have a whole room painted professionally? What is the answer? I don't know – but I was going to hire someone to paint the trim of our house... I really was – but then we learned that we'd have to call a certified lead guy – and they would tape off our house as hazardous and charge us 10 times as much. So I'll be DIYing that... while my children eat the lead paint chips, I'm sure.
But for what it is worth – like the guy smoking a cigarette through his hole in his neck – telling you that smoking isn't cool – I am telling you DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. AT ALL COSTS - DNDIY!!!!

Harriet Beecher Stowe

2011-06-21T09:23:00.001-05:00

She is recorded as stating at one point in her life, "i am but a mere drudge with few ideas beyond babies and housekeeping."

... i keep good company these days - I tell you - with women today and of the past.

awesoming - a contemplation

2011-06-15T23:35:00.002-05:00

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

I think God comes to me in books sometimes. Sometimes they just come in the mail from a friend or are recommended to me for someone else and I read a few chapters and find out it is actually for me. I need these books – the ones I would never choose on my own that say, “Sit down, shut up and breathe.”

Breathe in all the goodness of grace and of God. All that is not me and all that I can freely enjoy. One would think that the breathing in and finding pleasure in the goodness of life would be innate – something like sneezing that no culture, no matter how corrupt, could steal from God's children. But it's not. And I find myself graceless and this is like a punch in the gut of life. I quench the unmerited favor of God every time I step on the rat wheel of earning and measuring and doing to BE. But God already is – and God has forgiven, and therefore I am. Perhaps that is what it means to be made in the image of God – to be present in this world – and know that “it is good.”

But I am not about the process – I am ALL about the arrival. My friend Lyndsey and I - on my recent visit, half drown in babies and child rearing, ministry and family, talked continually of women we know who are “awesome”. We spoke of older women who read. Women who are generous with their time and resources. Women who remain calm in the face of fiasco. Women who raised six kids, held two jobs, have beautiful teenagers and clean houses. We are sure they potty trained their little ones without one melt down – because they are “awesome”. And we think we are not. We KNOW we are not. And we joked one another and said, “one day we will be awesome – maybe even the next time we see one another - if we give it a decade or so.” But we are confident that our awesome day is coming. But today, we are convinced is NOT it. Today we wallow in our “not awesomeness”.

But then I read a paragraph – a paragraph in a book about being a pickle. It takes time to turn cucumbers into pickles – they have to sit there for weeks “pickling” to perfection. And it would be ridiculous to expect anything else – anything but time and process – to make a pickle. So maybe, Lyndsey, today we are not awesome – but we are “awesoming” - it is a process – and somedays it feels more like drowning. But it isn't. It is being submerged in the narrative of God's love and goodness and grace in spite of ourselves. And perhaps if we'd spend less time trying to escape the “awesoming” process or figure out what we are doing wrong and just enjoy the submergedness of the daily experience – and soak in all the goodness – we'd see it in our own lives like we can see it in the lives of each other. The “pickling” – the “awesoming” - is a beautiful thing – it just may taste a little like vinegar at times. And if nothing else it at least gives me a good chuckle to picture myself as a pickle with a little Amanda face screaming, “help, help, get me out of this jar.”
Oh - and P.S. We are hoping the end result of our process will be a little more complex than that of a pickle so we could be stuck here for a good long while :)
I love you my “awesoming” Lyndsey – thanks for letting me process with you for a few days.

the blur

2011-06-14T22:36:00.008-05:00

So, after we unloaded our house of students one month ago and I cried a few tears and said, “uhh" and "ahh,” and “what am I going to do with myself?” I had a nice dose of reality. I miss those guys – a lot – but seriously – 3 months? That's nothing.

This month: we re-filled the house, watered the grass, directed a play, watched our son graduate kindergarten, went to Iowa, watered the grass, put in a pond, traveled through 9 states, attended two weddings, had two sick kids, and low and behold one of the students is already back from Saudi Arabia! I mean, really, what is this world coming to when someone can travel – literally – half way around the world before I can organize ONE closet? I was. I really was going to organize my closets this summer – and paint the trim on my house – but apparently I am having way too much fun for any of that. So much fun I'll just have to show you the blur of the month in photos, pay someone to paint my trim, and still not have time to blog or organize my closets next month.

This is Nancy who lived with us for only 2 weeks. She was a sweety - but poor thing what crazy two weeks with an American family. Can't you tell by my children?

The Awesome cast of "the mirror" - our last play at High Plains Christian school. These guys - couldn't have done better. I have loved this special hang out time with middle schoolers that last few years.

Jude's Kindergarten class with blue frosting teeth. I can't believe that next year these five will all go to different schools. - they have gotten so close. Maybe I'll start a school in my basement just for them... yeah... that's a great idea. I REALLY need to be going to bed now.

Ok so this is Kingsen, Nancy, and Julia (all from china - all living in our house for a while) all attending Jude's kindergarten program. Yeah people, that's the kinda entertainment we provide at 703 Fort. Beat that.

This is the only picture I took during our 3 days in Iowa (Toni took some great ones I guess - just ask my mom - they are on facebook). But we had an awesome time with grandma Mary as usual - and this is Jarod in front of the 1919 Model T his grandfather built. Also i found out that he built a boat when he and Mary had two little girls and baby - so I am thinking Jarod's love for a good time consuming hobby obsession came to him honestly. Also, the motto from Mary that will never leave me is: "save it, anyhow." Actually, yesterday in the mail we received a small plastic tupper-wear that I had left there by accident. I would have never missed it. So I guess her second montra could be "mail it, anyhow." I love that lady. And her grandson. And their quirks.

Lucy's first haircut - we took Maysyn for bravery. Totally unnecessary. She wanted pink highlights and to cut it "by myself" toward the end.

On the way to NC we stopped at the "Creation Museum" and met up with some friends from college. Their son Nathaniel - is the quite studious type and asked his parents when they would be returning. Better them than me since they only live 1 hour away.

The creation museum tuckered them all out.

3 cousins with water guns in the setting sun. 12, 6, and 3... there is something about "cousinness" that breaks down the age barrier. "Well, these adults don't seem to be leaving each other's side so whose here to pass the time?" Generation after generation. Right Nic and Gabe?

This is my Lucy and Jude with the Mcann Lucy and Ellie. Our wonderful friends who were missionaries in Honduras are now pastoring in Charlotte. And just like they graciously housed and fed us there - they did it again - and just like my kids overwhelmed theirs' there - they did it again here. I guess there is something about "sisters in Christ" that require our children to learn to tolerate bizarre friends from across the world too.

Ok - I have a whole blog to write about this photo (I don't know if it will happen) but this is my beautiful, wonderful friend Lindsey Mcann and I... and though my thoughts here run deep - all I can say is - My son is an amazing photographer (even noticing backlighting) but he is vertically challenged and that is a real bummer when photographing our figures and faces. Right Linds?

This is my Aunt Teresa and Uncle Bill on the day of their son's wedding. They are amazing. After 40 years of marriage - and more difficulties than one would think can fit into 40 short years - they are still in love. Actually their marriage is kinda non-stellar right now, but I think a season like that is to be expected now and again. I am still not sure why Uncle Bill brought Aunt Teresa these Krispy Kremes before the perfect storm of preparing her and their grandson for an outdoor wedding where it was 100 degrees with thunderstorm warnings. But he did. She didn't know why he brought them either - but they were yummy. They even put on the bakers hats and had a good laugh. So, that's how I know they are going to be ok. Eventually. Again. Like always.

This is Gabe's wedding - where it didn't rain. it should have - but didn't it - just cooled down real nice - added some intensity to the moment and was absolutely perfect

These are three of my favorite people at the reception. They hate this picture but I think it is absolutely perfect as well.

This is Lucy licking her wedding cupcake frosting like an ice cream cone. She licked it perfectly clean - did not touch the cake - and I laughed so hard I cried.

These are my amazing aunts and uncles, parents, and bride and groom. I love them. They are amazing... so different but amazing.

These are my children, the day after the wedding at a Children's museum Star Wars exhibit. And this is why our children never will want to travel alone with their parents. Because the day after a wedding, with all the comings and goings and yadda, yadda, yadda, who cares about a Star Wars exhibit? Grandparents - thats who - not parents - only grandparents.

Home at last! Our summer students are AMAZING! And totally chipped in to implement the dry river bed I have been dreaming of for months. They put up with such insanity. The day I get home from a 10 day trip and I have a daughter with a 102 fever I decide just the project we need for the evening is moving a literal ton of rock. That's stupid. Thanks for helping the stupid lady students. I was in a mess. Ok - so the students are Kingsen and Julia from China, Alsi from Turkey and Saad and Salah from Saudi Arabia. I love them. I want three more rooms so they can stay in the fall!!

Here is my wonderful husband and his wonderful - almost clear - almost non-scumy pond. This man can work miracles out of gatorade bottles, storage tubs, floor buffing pads, PVC and a pool pump. As long as his wife is gone for a week leaving him time to "work." Oh - and until we get the energy bill - then I think we might go back to a pumpless pond.

This is my son - in our green grass. I love this picture. I love that boy. I love the fact that while all this month was happening a dirt slide on the side of our house became a lawn. Who says miracles don't happen anymore?

Cesped and other insanity

2011-05-19T11:25:00.004-05:00

"Cesped" is the Spanish word for lawn. We learned it in language school in the city and NO Honduran native in the six months we lived in Urraco knew the word. They did not know what a lawn was. You know why? They don't have them. You know why? Because lawns are insane.
People who plant grass are crazy. Either that, or not entirely informed as to the undertaking cesped really is. Like when I started breastfeeding. Really, people? No one wanted to bother telling me that it was going to take 8 hours a day for at least two weeks? I think that is something I should have known. I think someone should have told me that I would be watering this stinkin' cesped 6 hours a day for a few weeks. That would have been nice info. (Jarod said he suggested a sprinkler system – but honestly – where is that money coming from?... I thought that was a joke.) No joke – my cesped is sucking the little life I had left right out through my mud coated feet. However, as insane as this fescue grass planting portion of my days have been for the last two weeks it is NOTHING compared to the insanity perused in other venues. Digging trenches to run extra water lines, renting large equipment to plant the seed, buying hoses and attachments, and the countless hours “schlepping” hoses is nothing compared to the end of semester/beginning of summer transition we have undergone... and really someone should have told us.
Told us that:
If God gives you a big house – expect it to be a hotel.
And expect the people in your hotel to take really long showers and eat at strange times.
If someone in your house is in finals week – you are all in finals week. If six people in your house are in finals week – you might want to leave.
Expect wind on BBQ days and lots of fun any way, even if no one knows what is going on
And you should expect to go one road trips just for the memory, even on your busiest days
If someone asks you to help them move – expect twice as much furniture – AND always expect mini-fridges at 7 a.m. on Sunday.
Expect people you love to leave forever... and leave you with wonderful memories and some awesome “non-takables” – “I'll always remember her when I use this stapler.”
If you offer rides to the airport they will always SOMEHOW involve 4 a.m.
Always expect girls to try to over pack their bags by 5-10 lbs.
If you love people it is really emotionally draining to say goodbye... again and again...
Expect hugs from Saudi strangers and talkative long goodbyes from usually quite Asians
It is even more emotionally draining to have their bed taken over by a stranger - and to make friends with that stranger while folding laundry after 2 days of no sleep.
If you have Saudi guys living in your house they might leave unexpectedly, come back unexpectedly, or maybe even come back with a wife – you should learn to expect that.
You should expect flat tires at 6 a.m. And no jacks and tools.
You should expect emotional break downs and for at least one of your kids to get the flu
You should expect your parents to be strung out and your other friends to move without even saying goodbye... because really where were they supposed to find you?
You should expect to be sad everyday as you practice the “end of school” play with 8th graders... everyday knowing that one is watching from heaven... that never sits well.
You should expect weird weather patterns... and strange sleeping habits from everyone...
… and a lot of questions about who will fill the hotel beds next... and fights over who will water the cesped next.
And you should know that just when you think you can't handle it... when you can't WATER the stinkin' cesped one more time – God will send rain. Of course your basement will be wet. But you'll have time to clean that up because God will take care of the cesped, and all the other insanity. And just like breastfeeding – you'll look back and never regret one minute of any of it. But you'll wish someone would have warned you... or maybe you don't because you never would have thought, “Well, we might as well.” 'Cause that is just insane.

Evaluated

2011-05-09T20:48:00.006-05:00

Happily, it looks as though all six of our wonderful students will be returning next year! We love this idea for SO many reasons... one of which is that we can't have done anything too horrible yet and that takes a load off. But just in case, and just to avoid any simmering problems under their polite skin, Jarod and I decided a year end evaluation of life at 703 Fort might be in order. Hence, this morning the children sleepily crawled into my lap as I continued typing the evaluation form. Jude asked what I was doing and then brightening to full alertness pleaded to take his own. So reading him the questions, this is how he answered - and I will record parts of it here because I never want to loose it. especially the part where our relationship is "GREAT".

One a scale of 1 -5 how would you rate:
Going to Bethesda? - a 5 which equals "I would like to do this more often!"
family meetings? - a 2 which equals "This activity is not so enjoyable"
We scored a 4 on both "homework help" and "transportation assistance", which I can only assume means we do a little too much homework and not quite enough transporting to his grandparents' and the Lowery's on his every whim.
Our household cleanliness was acceptable but surprisingly he finds his bed a tad lumpy.
The price is just right for him but he doesn't feel that he is learning and growing from this experience.
He feels wonderful about inviting people into our home and is completely comfortable with all of his relationships within the home. Except for Lucy. He gave this relationship a 2 rating which equals "I am adjusting - but would prefer things were done differently."
And finally, my favorite - and the litmus test of honesty by which all 6 year old evaluations of their parents should be judged was that he rated his satisfaction with his responsibilities at a 1 - noting that he, "should not have to do anything at all." And last but not least is that his number one priority for having a successful year next year was to have more ice cream socials like the one we held Friday night for over 150 people. With 9 flavors of homemade ice cream... I think he might be on to something... but next year he will have to do ALL the dishes - you win some and loose some kid.

My evaluation of life in photos:

On having a huge ice cream social on apparently the only beautiful spring evening of 2011 = 5 = GREAT. Having an "accidental" pond/swimming pool that will apprently accommodate a dozen grown women = 2 = I am adjusting but would prefer if things were done differently... say for example if we knew what we were doing!

On becoming a soccer mom = 3.25 = It is fine... I think. He says were doing it again next year.

On celebrating so many birthdays around our dining room table that by the time I get around to downloading the pictures from a month I forgot about at least two of them = 4.25 = next year it will be a 5 because I will have "halal" (think muslim Kosher) figured out and Bob is buying me a box of 500 birthday candles... (no less Bob if you want an accurate representation on each cake.)

On a life full of random activities thats varies from trench digging, to judging college speech competitions, to driving instructor and moving coordinator, to chef at the play-dough restaurant extravaganza (by the way this last one keeps the kids occupied for hours if you can convince them they need to make a bowl of real-to-life brown rice... but expect to throw the dried brown play-dough out afterward). 5.

On having friends so close that you think nothing of having "trade out sleepovers" for your two year olds just because "all the boys need to be together and all the girls need to be together." Lucy preparing for her first all alone overnighter at the Lowery's and Jonah settling in at 703 Fort. 5.

Having two Chinese Political Science Graduate students as friends as well as poetry, Economist, and Bible reading partners. A 5 - there is just nothing like it to stave off the long hours of mindless chores done by a midwestern housewife and to give a little weight to an afternoon otherwise filled with playdough rice. What a balance. Oh, and the pond in the background of the picture... just for good measure. Like i said, Kid, you win some and you lose some. Anyone want to venture a guess as to how MANY goldfish (or stumbling drunks) we lose to the giant mosquito pit in our side yard this summer?

Samari in our home

2011-05-02T15:09:00.002-05:00

After dinner, while loading the dishwasher - all too many of us in the one-butt kitchen,

"Amanda, what is samari?" - Salah questions

"Samari?" ... slowly I search for a simple worded answer for Japanese ancient warriors

"My assignment - I have to watch movie - samari."

"Oh the last Samari" - I think, what a strange assignment.. but that is nothing new

And Jarod breaks into a full on explanation of Japanese fighting and when he is about to get to the full body demonstrations in too small a kitchen, with audience - it is Salah's turn to look confused.

"No, I will not watch THAT movie- only ANY movie and write Samari."

"Oh - Summary."

At least five times a day something like this happens around here. So my blog should be better - really there is no excuse.

Holy Week (that I forgot to post!)

2011-04-25T08:53:00.006-05:00

Semana Santa

holy week

it was

it was a week to remember that there is only one who is holy and somehow in a crazy beautiful way that makes all of life holy.

Every relationship... even ones that drive us crazy
Every food... even lamb
Every outfit ... even those ruined or malfunctioned
Every activity ... even a thousand easter egg experiments that didn't work, or Jarod's air compressor in the kitchen to blow them.
Every crazy photo and memory... even those that Yazzid took

Sanctify us. In this the beginning of a new year of life in Christ... give us another holy week, we pray

10 minutes to blog

2011-04-15T00:10:00.002-05:00

Well, I have 10 minutes to throw something out here. My life is full and I have lots to say about all of it. Nothing I can summarize in ten minutes - except this one thing that I should have mentioned about 4 months ago. But honestly, I talk about it so much I don't have much to say. The perfect 10 minute blog.

We are constructing a man cave. Yes, that's right. After 10 years of living in less than 500 sq. ft together or out of suitcases and backpack together, of never having a bedroom that didn't serve as either a living room or office - we get a 5,000 sq. ft. house - a true blue bedroom - and my husband decides he needs "a little more space." I think he might be spacially dislexic.

But ya know - what's a girl to do? Besides if he didn't take over the 500 sq. ft at the back of our garage my mom was going to turn it into a craft store or something, and the girls upstairs honestly suggested I start a small Asian grocery. So, because I don't have time for one more hobby and it has been FIRMLY established that I am NOT cleaning the man cave - he go that space. And a budget - and a motorcycle garage door, and me and a friend scrubbing and staining his floor, and an old bowling alley to make a bar top, a free HUGE TV, and apparently whatever else he wants. He told me once about the time he talked a high school teacher up from a D to a B+... just talked her into somehow. He said he's "charming".... he must be - that's how he got me and that's how I got a man cave that I REALLY, REALLY, AM NOT GOING TO CLEAN. :) But I'll probably post a SWEET picture when we're done.

one year later

2011-04-04T21:01:00.004-05:00

My life has been filled with good as of late. Long phone calls with distant friends, long over-due yard projects begun with great help, and even long late night drives with Jarod and the kids to pick up a garage door for the "man cave." One year after our house purchase we are beginning to do things like paint our front screen door, clean windows, and cut down ugly trees... oh and randomly remodel the garage. The emergency stuff is behind us (at least we hope - we'll see after the first big spring rain) - and the house is a bit less of a monster. Although, when asked if we wanted to renew our home warranty, Jarod declined, saying, "What else can it cover? We have almost all new appliances, have replaced the hot water heater, boiler, and reached our max on both plumbing and electrical." Those will be the famous last words.
But honestly, a year later the noises of our home are very different. Where there was once the constant beat of a hammer and hum of a sander, there are children running and laughing, students studying and playing ping-pong, and tonight Jarod's Bible study - where I here men debating - so it must be good. Where there was once the worry over "if things are going to work out" - now we only wonder how we can share the blessings of our "family approach" with others.
On Sunday we had an open house and as I wondered through the three floors seeing the students who had worked so hard cleaning and preparing food - smiling and serving as they shared from their culture, I felt such a deep sense of "ok". These students that God has sent us are perfect... and the people He sent to make it possible are amazing. One Year later, I think this thing is gonna really work. And for me that is optimistic. And for me - that in itself is a miracle. When asked in wide-eyed wonder at the progress, "are you done??" All I could respond was, "No - we will never be done - but we are ENJOYING it."
So now, on to my biggest worry. What birthday cake should I make for Salah tomorrow? I was planning a Mississippi mud cake but that has marshmallows, and they have gelatin, and gelatin may contain pork - so that's out. Who knew? You live and you learn. And from 10 diverse birthdays a year - my "festive meal" and cake repertoire is growing - in this good life I learn a lot - EVERY day. Below are just two of the yummy recipes that I just love.

Crock pot Philly cheese steak sandwiches. So EASY - great for a big crowd... when you triple it!!

Ingredients
1 1/2 lbs beef round steak
1 medium green pepper, sliced thin
1 medium onion, sliced thin
1 (14 oz) can vegetable broth (can use beef - I've even used chicken in a pinc h)
1 envelope Italian dressing mix
1 large loaf French bread, siced into sandwich lengths
6 slices provolone cheese
How to make it

Spray crock pot with cooking spray
Cut meat into strips, place in slow cooker
Add green pepper, onion, broth, and dressing mix
Cover and cook on low 7-8 hours, or high 3-4 hours
Spoon meat mixture onto bread, top with a slice of cheese
Another option is to toast bread in a 375 oven for 5-10 minutes, add meat, cover with cheese, then bake an additional 5 minutes to melt the cheese.

Irish Brown bread. A Quick bread that doesn't taste quick and can be made from ingredients on hand! (Because I still struggle with bad feelings toward people who make yeast breads twice a week.... but I do love homemade bread!)

This simple crusty brown quick bread is one of the most popular Irish bread recipes and gets its hearty flavor from whole wheat flour and rolled oats.

Yield: 1 loaf (about 1 3/4 lb.)
Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 tablespoons cold butter or margarine
2 cups whole-wheat flour
1/4 cup regular or quick-cooking rolled oats
1 1/2 cups plain nonfat yogurt
Milk
Preparation
1. In a bowl, mix all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. With a pastry blender or 2 knives, cut in butter until mixture forms fine crumbs. Stir in whole-wheat flour and oats.
2. Add yogurt; stir gently. If mixture is too dry to hold together, stir in milk, 1 teaspoon at a time, just until dough holds together; it should not be sticky.
3. Turn dough onto a lightly floured board and knead gently 5 times to make a ball. Set on a lightly greased baking sheet. Pat into a 7-inch circle. With a floured knife, cut a large X on top of loaf.
4. Bake in a 375° oven until well browned, about 40 - 50 minutes. Cool on a rack. Serve warm or cool.

Some happy folks at the open house!

My amazing father with chainsaw art and smile... people keep asking how many trees we have taken out. I don't want to count... but when you have to build a mountain around your basement, where there used to be a mote - you have no choice but to chop' em out.

And finally... last week, Marrina's birthday was a success - the week before Jude's was a success - two week's before mom and Saad's birthday party went on while Jarod and I spent the night in the ER (by the way - got that bill - it wasn't pretty - but insurance sure is a blessing!)... and now on to Falafel and pita for Salah... all we are missing is the cake!

gifts

2011-03-19T21:27:00.002-05:00

I have fought it these six years. The “you are center of the universe” birthday celebrations that spew gifts, cake, wrapping, singing, games, and more gifts in so many different directions and days that your head hurts. I will spare you the list of “trial and failure” celebrations – that did anything but keep the extravagance small – just spread it over weeks and made the grandparents subversive. And tonight I sit, on the verge of a grand celebration of Jude's sixth birthday party. This coming after a weekend with Jarod's parents where they visited his aunt – who took them to meet a herd of new friends, took a trip to a zoo, the theater, and then to Chuckie Cheese. This coming after an afternoon of rainbow cupcake decorating to share with his class and Monday night dinner. This after a week of trickle in gifts from every last international student who caught wind of the Big News. After legos, and glow in the dark sticker and pens, mugs and power rangers. Only slightly before the big sleepover with best friend at Grammee's new house.
No, tomorrow our son will be surrounded by over fifty people. From the men on the B team of the Buffalo's special olympics team, to his blind great grandmother, and grandparent's co-workers, to his best friends, and his friends that happen to be his friends' mothers, to whatever troop of world representatives want to roast a few hot dogs with us on that night. There will be games, and laughter and cake, and extra sugar. And there will be gifts. Oh so many gifts. And I cannot stop them. Because he is loved. My reserve over his abundance does not benefit another child who lacks. My stress over slippery slope materialism does nothing to assure a safe landing. Greed is found in the slums and jungle villages as deeply embedded as in a palace. We want nothing more for our children than to learn to love well – to give unconditionally – to know deeply the needs of others and to love in word and deed and truth. But, we missed something somewhere. In our endeavor to avoid greed we missed gratitude, and in our endeavor to teach them to love we missed using every moment to teach them that they are loved. That love begets love. To live a life surrounded by people, means not only an opportunity to love but to be loved in return. And that if God is infinite then we are all each – loved by that God – at the center of the universe each day. And for that – each day – our first job is to teach our children to say “Thank you”.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for my son... and all the good gifts.

the photo shoot

2011-03-14T21:06:00.004-05:00

Jude got school pictures so I thought I better keep things even betwixt the two:

Lucy, can you come inside? Mama wants to take your picture.

Kay, on my bike Kay? On my bike - here.

No Honey, it's too bright.

No, on my bike mommy.... PLEAZZE.

Ok, one on your bike then we go inside.

Ok. CHEEEEEEZZZEE...

Here, let's try here. on this chair.

I don't like it here.... CHaesa

Honey, your panties are showing. Put your legs down.

SO?? Chaese

Ok, stand up then.

I stand on chair? Ok mommy. cheese. Cheese. cheese. i like stand on chair mommy.

Lucy, Look here.

No - look over here mommy - chaese

Outside mommy. Please. Out on porch, mommy.

No, it's so bright.

I sit good mommy. Outside, PLEASE.

OK.

Like this mommy.

CHEESE.

CHAESSSSEE

CHEEASSSSSEE

CHAAAEEZZE

Ok. i done mommy.

Ok Lucy. Thank you. thank you. Thank you for being you. I like you. really. just. like. that.

Not free things

2011-03-08T16:49:00.002-06:00

On most days I am a big proponent of the “best things in life are free” cliché. But today... I'm loving the things money can buy. For example – Emergency rooms and hospital stays and laproscopic surgeries aren't free. But I love them. I love that they successfully cure my husband.
I also love my pot rack. I feel shallow to say this. Domesticated beyond my wildest dreams. But with the amount I cook – the NOT having to reach on top of the refrigerator and shuffle through pans – makes me giddy. So giddy, my husband had to get my dad's help to hang it – the instant it came in the mail – or I would have made him use power tools while on codeine.
And speaking of cooking.
I didn't today. Really. At lunch we went to the annual pancake feed. YUM - as I eat sausage and watch small children have pancakes thrown on to their waiting plates. And for dinner, Saad is buying us all KFC - YUM (You have to love Saudi sympathy gestures). That, added to the pounds of candy, gourmet chips, and homemade steak Jarod has received in trade for his appendix, him getting sick is the best procurement of yummy food we have found in a long time. Yeah, I'd pay money for this life. Oh wait – we do... just not as much as we should :). Because gifts are good - and the people who give them... well - you just can't buy these people.

1000 Gifts: A Book Review

2011-02-28T21:53:00.004-06:00

I have three reasons you should not read 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp and only one reason you should.

The first reason you should not read the book is because it is written by a homemade-bread-making-domestic-goddess who classically educates her six children while simultaneously traveling the world with a non-profit to fight hunger and homelessness where it reigns, OH and authoring books.
That is just annoying.
It makes the rest of us look bad.
Just pick one.
Your kids can learn Latin but either the bread baking or do-gooding has to go.

Number 2. Her writing style is as halting and complicated as her Canadian farm life is fluid and simple. I like to read. I don't particularly like to re-read and re-read a simple phrase just to make sure I got the hang of it. Maybe Canadians don't speak American- but I have never encountered this problem before. This forced meditation upon the daily tasks and attitudes that brim my own domestic life was a bit much. Must we dwell there? Really, haven't we all got better things to do than read about a housewife's journal of thankfulness. Haven't we all got better things to do than make a journal of our own?

And finally, this book is bothersome because this woman is a literalist. One who molds her life around cliches – builds life upon such principles as, “pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18. She takes that stuff seriously. And a million other little phrases tucked deep within the Bible that I am sure were meant for greeting cards and hall plaques only – not to be lived – surely not to be meditated upon during an entire 9 months of potty training.

But the reason, that perhaps you should consider picking up this book, is that from the conviction between it's pages I feel a warmth in my heart that is starting to melt the ice cold heart of the 3 reasons to put the book down. The freezing self-loathing and not-measuring-up/never-good-enough hatred of everyone who “is” - the frosty judgment of others and hurry of my own life – the deadly cold to the Word of God and the God of His Word – the fear – the discontent. They have melted a little as I turned one slow page after another. It isn't the quick thaw that I would like – the 65 degree day of today that vanished 4 inches of snow before lunch. But rather that .5 degree overall global warmth of a soul. The small difference that they say will melt icebergs and glaciers – and change our world. Like the sacred Work of Worship that Ann's own book is based on, there is a power in the Truth that can transform our lives. The truth that God loves me and is loving me in every moment of my life has the power to warm my frozen soul. .5 degrees ... one thanksgiving at a time.

Thank you Andrea for the book – thank you for the grace. Always.

NOTE: Please do not assume I agree with or am even comfortable with everything in this book (or any other book I recommend)... I sift as I read...

gift 42: Friday afternoon dress up:

gift 45: New finality to an old love/ a picture of a chosen son/ Jonah's adoption

gift 44: the five year old behind the camera

gift 46: The genius of a museum with an indoor sandbox in winter

King Abdullah's snow ice cream

2011-02-24T23:10:00.003-06:00

How we spend our days is truly how we spend our lives. We eat my life every night – at least 1 hour of my day. We eat it. We tramp our snow dripping boots all over my life today. We will again tomorrow. My life is wiped away on a kleenex, with snot, with a tear, with saliva from my niece's tooth that she has been “loosing” since 2010. My life is typed and printed, one Bible study sheet at a time, one basic English assignment at a time – two pages of sentences using the word “enough”.
It's never enough.
There is never enough life to be lived – time to be shared – experiences to be had – when you share your life with so many... who speak SO slowly. And the days that you truly know you have “sucked the marrow out of life” - you feel more deeply that life has sucked the marrow out of you. There is little time for contemplation in this life – this “new normal.” I am learning to contemplate during morning Yoga with Seonjin, between phrases with Saad, and rocking Lucy for 2 minutes before her nap (if she doesn't fall asleep in the car) but rarely does it translate itself onto a page or into my memory. And I find I have spiritual amnesia and EQ of a two year old.
Lessons relearned for the first time tomorrow, I guarantee it.
But I sit here tonight in peace – with my life eaten today, printed today, vanished to everyone but this page. These days make for a good life.
We threw a party for the return of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. An 89 year old man in failing health, returns to his country after months of recuperation abroad. And Salah says, “The whole country is in celebration. It is good he returns.”
“Yes,” I say, “It is good he returns for now Bahrian and Yemen look unsettled too... maybe your country will have some trouble.”
“No,” he is firm, “no trouble in my country – all the people happy – all the people love the king.”
Saad stands in salute – more passionate than I have seen him, “I love YOU king Abdullah!”
I responded that we should celebrate too – for this king I know nothing of – who I am sure I would not love as a covered and hidden woman in his country – but I am moved my their sincere adoration of this man. That somewhere in the world people are actually happy to have their king return – and someday in this world – I know a righteous king will return. They move me.
Now I have been thanked a hundred times over for the falafel, the hummus, the homemade pita, the red velvet cake with the photo of King Abdullah. And the homemade snow ice cream in Abdullah's honor, and the Chinese vs. Jarod ping-pong game that followed. Yes, this is how we spend our days – they are special. I venture to guess we are the only people on planet earth who made snow ice cream and played ping pong in hour of the return of an old Middle Eastern King tonight. This smashed between Junie B. Jones and a beautiful Bible Study. What a day. What a life.

Tomorrow we venture to teach Zumba to 11 Asians and 4 Baptist. I just don't know when to stop.

Full house

2011-01-31T20:17:00.004-06:00

Here it is folks.... 10 months - and ten thousand hours of prayers and work. AND....
We have a full house.
Let's see how this experiment goes!

(Left to right, back: Salah, Saudi Arabian ESL student; Jarod :); Lucy; Saad, Saudi Arabian ESL student; Tony, Chinese MBA; Jude.
Front: Marrina, Chinese MBA; Amanda; Jessie, Chinese Political Science and LSAT studier; Seonjin, Korean English major.)

Interesting side note - two years ago today I posted a blog called "introductions" where I introduced you to friends in Honduras... today we got a mail package from Honduras and I am thinking my next blog should be "introductions at 703 Fort."
My life is full of amazing people!

On total disasters

2011-01-24T14:18:00.002-06:00

Today has not been kind to my daughter. Breakfast for the children was supposed to be an independent activity while I took a quick shower. And while I had been forewarned by Jude, mid-shower, that things weren't going so well, i.e. Lucy was dumping the milk from her spoon onto her forehead to see if she could get any in her mouth, I was not expecting the entire table and floor to be covered with what I thought was a small bowl of cereal and cup of strawberry milk. Nor was I expecting the exuberant exclamation of her accomplishment followed by a cheerful pumping of the fists, “I made a mess, I made a mess, I made a BIG mess.” And while a spanking at 8:30 is not an unusual way for her to start the day it still does not set a good tone.
The morning's activities included bed making (in which the blankets baffle her and the exorbitant amount of stuffed animals that she INSISTS on sleeping with – daunts even me in the task of arrangement) and room cleaning, which, more often than not, finds her on the floor searching for lint and stray hairs to bring my way, “There ya go mommy,” rather than doing anything useful – like say – picking up one of a million polly pocket pieces. Why did I ever think THAT would be a good toy for my child? After the chores we busied ourselves making thank you and birthday cards – which found her more covered with marker than anything – and me frustrated that I hadn't thought to allow 45 minutes to find and replace the marker lids. So, running late, I thought an apple, PB&J, and a Chinese push-up jelly desert in the car sounded like a good idea (because, did I mention it is REALLY windy? - bad for errands – bad for the poor girl's hair). Poor Lucy – she hadn't a chance. After struggling with the apple through the first 3 errands she was 4 tiny scrapped bites in and moved on to the sandwich. I wasn't able to see her from the drivers position but from the exuberant sounds coming from her seat I could tell I had made a bad choice. Pulling into the parking lot I calmly said, “Lucy are you a TOTAL disaster?”
“NO,” Came the confident response.
And Jude, the ever loving brother – whose day had been going considerably better than hers, with all tasks fully within his ability, looked at her with amusement and arrogance and smirked, “Yes, Lucy, you are a TOTAL DISASTER.”
And from the bask seat with a cry of desperation one would think possible only from a fully grown woman on the brink of a complete life collapse came a little voice, “NO, I don't WANT to be a total disaster. I don't want to be a TOTAL disaster.” Smeared from rumpled head to backward shoed toes with her her sticky lunch my daughter sat sobbing, “I don't want to be a total disaster.”

Yeah. I know. Me either.
But some of us are just born that way – and life (and people) just keep handing you things to make you disaster-er. Sorry, I didn't help you out today. I promise – no more PB&J in the car – and those chinese push-up things – we'll stop trying to teach you how to push up from the bottom and this summer I won't even bother with the cheapo push-up Popsicles either. Other than that, I'll probably keep handing you difficult things that fluster you to no end. But before I do, I want to take this quick moment to give you some advice - from one total disaster to another:

1.Look in the mirror each day and say, “Jesus loves you. Really. Just the way you are.”
2.Ignore people like your brother who think they have it all together – he's a disaster too – just kind of a “closet” disaster, if you will.
3.It might be a good idea to marry someone who loves you very much just the way you are but who is a little more of a “closet” disaster person – it's working for me. I recommend finding someone who can at least balance the check book without crying and can light a fire without burning the house down (On a side note – it might be a good idea if you never try to light a fire. Ever.)
4.I think it would be a ok, if you want, (once you are out of your father's house) to just shave your head. I never got the hang of hair and I am doubting you will either. It's just kind of a pain and you are going to have way bigger things to worry about.
5.Finally, other than these few things – you should probably just ignore me – I am going to drive you nuts because when two total disasters collide it is dangerous (I think there is some kind of mathematical equation proving that – about momentum or something.) But speaking of momentum, just know I am not at all worried about you really. Overwhelmed, but not worried – you have the momentum to keep you a float. You will grab life by the horns and the bull will never know what hit her. You are ONE joyful disaster – and you bring joy in your whirlwind.

After everything that happened this morning – and the melt down over her natural state – and her wipe down from her physical sate - she was up and running – through Wal-mart and she then even did a couple of laps around the house for good measure before sitting down to read her nap time story. I took this lovely photo of her right before she went to sleep – to remind me of the day – she reminded me that she felt too – just like me. The day we bonded over our brokenness. What you don't see here – and what I didn't notice at the time – is that somehow I missed a big chunk of grape jelly on her butt and now it on the couch. So here is my advice for anyone else out there. Love us – my daughter and I – but you might want to protect anything easily harmed from our direct contact.

P.S. I think I just put her down for a nap without taking her potty first.

So far in 2011...

2011-01-19T15:43:00.006-06:00

We have had a grand “hot pot” feast with our new friends at FHSU

We are getting good use out of our Christmas presents

We joined my family on their “retreat” to Ganby, Co – where Jude learned to ski and I got the flu.

We went on search through Denver for Korean “red sauce” which has now surpassed not only ketchup but Ranch as our family's condiment of choice.

We retrieved Jessie from her flight from China, Marrina from her second trip to Colorado, and moved our first guy in the basement – Tony – from China. (Today a man named Saad from Saudi Arabia came to look – and we are really excited about all he would add to our family.)

We finished the fireplace... the first and (probably) last great project on the house this year!

We had a “boys” day with some of Jude's friends – which reminds me – how does one go about paying for the food which teenage boys consume?

We went dog sledding behind Blaze and Jasmine

Jarod and I went on a lovely date – courtesy of “the girls” while they watched our children. We had a wonderful time while they did very well with the kids, although it was commented that, “Lucy just thinks you are kidding when you give her instructions.” Yes, yes she does.

And right now we are enjoying an afternoon of cancelled school with homemade hot chocolate in front of the fire and movies from the library.

I like this year. I like this year very much.

P.S. Thank you Jarod for working over time and yucky hours so that I can spend so much time with our family... I don't take it for granted.
P.P.S. Thank you God for giving us all we needed to pay for the boiler... it was a miracle and I hope I can freak out less after all your provision - but I probably won't. I'll probably freak out this year too. Sorry about that.
P.P.P.S. Oh and I am starting to read again. Jarod doesn't think I need to read the economist cover to cover but I am SO CLUELESS - I have SO MUCH to catch up on!!

Why I am getting facebook

2010-12-27T12:48:00.006-06:00

I have used this blog and our "year end" videos for the last few years to diary my life and hopefully give our kids some kind of record of their childhood. It's been good... and I think I'll keep them up.... HOWEVER... next week (as my reward for finishing our 2010 video) I am going to start a facebook account - because I want to know about other people's lives. The lives of all of you - of course - but I haven't wanted to get facebook because I prefer you call and email!! But there are people - people who I have grown to love very deeply this past month who will never call or email. So I will get a facebook account.

Also - my email is getting full of strange foreign characters I cannot read and it would be handy to have a photo. :)
Also - since 1 in 10 people on the planet now has an account - including my mother - I should probably just jump on the wagon.

And finally - if my children look unbathed, my house is a disaster, and we eat frozen pizza throughout January - don't worry - I have been told it is a phase... I will learn to let comments and photos go by without commenting on each one. But if March comes and I am not prepping a garden - please do an intervention.

These are some of the faces of people I don't want to lose track of in the coming months. We had an awesome time at Bear trap where we spent Christmas with 60 international students and Americans who love them. We hiked (Jude over 2 miles a day), played games, threw snow balls, made Christmas cards and cookies, and learned about Jesus - the bringer of True Christmas - God for us, God with us, and God in us. It was beautiful - scenery and soul.

Yes - I have photos of family Christmas's too - but I need to start the year end video - so look for them there. And don't look for a blog for a few weeks!

The new American status symbol

2010-12-13T13:54:00.003-06:00

In a room deep within the recesses of our basement lies this:

The boiler is dead. (I could have even told you that from the photo - and you can ask EVERY HVAC guy in town - I know NOTHING about boilers.)
Me: We need someone to look at our boiler.
Them: What is wrong with it?
Me: It isn't working.
Them: Is it a steam unit?
Me:.... long pause....
Them: Is it the pump or the valves or the compression?
Me: .... long pause.... maybe it isn't ... boiling??

It will soon be replaced with this:

It will cost more than all of the cars we have ever owned - combined
It will cost us more than 6 months in Europe
It will cost us more than our Senior year of college
It will cost us more than having both of our children
It will cost us more than living and going to school for a year in Honduras
It will cost us more than the remodel of the 2 main floors of the house

So if ever you come to my house and I ask you to follow me deep into our basement to look at our boiler - please follow - and please tell me that it is beautiful and our house is so toasty warm.

Happy Birthday to me from the Money Pit.

I tried

2010-11-29T21:01:00.006-06:00

2 things about adulthood continually surprise me.

1. How tired I am.
As a child, I can remember my parents saying how much they wanted to take a nap. But I thought they meant every 5th Sunday for 30 minutes when they actually laid down. I didn't know I would grow up to covet a nap at 11 a.m., 3 p.m. and 7:30 every day for years. Is this normal?

2. How forgetful I am.
I will get Alzheimer's. I am convinced that I can take Vitamin E, fish oil and do cross word puzzles until I am a slimy swimming synonym genius but my genetics and something about our modern world (and maybe something to do with my exhaustion) makes it inevitable that I will forget all things. Except I hope - one amazingly hilarious story... maybe about the time I peed my pants at the age of 14... or perhaps the never ending hike up Mount St. helens.. or my 4 hours in Budapest. All I am hoping for is that I am a hilarious old person.
But I didn't think I'd be so forgetful now. At this rate I'll need this blog for a planner and not a journal. Note to self: pick Jude up from school... again today... just like yesterday... same time... same place... it shouldn't come as a surprise every day.

So yeah, I forgot to take pictures. Well, I'd remember as the events of the week were ending, or if some gracious person said, "Shouldn't you get your camera?" Thank you people.

I have no brain. Maybe it is napping.

Toni had to remind me that maybe I would want to take pictures of the super cool helicopter uncle Brandon brought "for the kids" as it zoomed around the room hitting people and scratching our walls on Monday night. I mean how often does one have a helicopter in their house?

May i say I have super cute kids who are seriously enjoying their holidays?

I thought to pull out my camera for the amazing spread of Chinese "Hot Pot" only after I saw the girls taking photos of their work themselves. It was amazing... and I love our little family more and more each day.

And of course my mom reminded me that we might want some photos of my brother Randy's baptism. I did. I hope I never forget his laugh and "oh boy!" excitement. Congratulations Randy!!!

Not pictured:

Hett Thanksgiving of over 100
Walmart black-friday midnight craziness
Jude's WHOLE CLASS party... and the aftermath
and so much more
so much to be thankful for!!

Note to Self:

2010-11-21T20:19:00.001-06:00

Take pictures when interesting things are happening:

Exhibit A: The great pie crust fiasco of 2010. New recipe, ten pie crusts. Do I really need that much lard? Surely not. They're ready to go in the freezer.
Out of the freezer.
OH, Yes I DID need that much lard because now I will be cursing myself throughout the entire holiday season. OH – except I solved the “flakes under the pin – not in your pan” problem by dipping – yes I said Dipping – the crumbling mess in melted butter. If, perchance, we cross paths at any holiday potluck this holiday season – mine will be the food wafting with fat fragrance – and not looking so pretty. But flaky we have. Discovery – the real reason American's BUY pie crust is not because we are lazy it is because we really don't want to SEE the lard we put in our yummys... and on our tummys – we want that to remain a mystery.

Exhibit B:
From the kitchen, trying to use my mom's kitchen aid for the first time,
ME: AHHHHHHH!!!! I just threw pumpkin pie ALL over the whole kitchen.
From the living room, pausing from a vibrating power chisel,
JAROD: Ummm, that's ok I just threw brick ALL over the living room.
ME: Well, I can't clean it up because I have pie dripping from my pants...
JAROD: Well, I can't come get the broom or I'll grind this rock powder into the wood floors.
BOTH: JUDE!!!!!

Holidays A LA construction zone.

Exhibit C:
Trip to california.... 3 cute kids and 2 photographer(ish) people... and still NO photos.

Exhibit D:
A church full of my favorite people, talking, laughing, eating, chasing kids all over, singing in voices so off key and high pitched that Sunjin questioned if that was normal, crying (oh wait – that was just me) and talking about the good, bad and ugly of the year through the eyes of a loving God – who despite how it might appear – has cancer, debt, families, and even deaths orchestrated into a great plan of love and glory.

Exhibits to photo dairy this week: last session of kid yoga, monday family dinner, school thanksgiving meal, an “all class” play date at our house, Hett Thanksgiving, early morning black Friday city shopping with international students (yes, that would be ME – doing THAT), and probably a food coma by Saturday.

HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING – and take a photo or two – you know you won't regret it!

wow!

2010-11-18T20:14:00.004-06:00

Wasn't this blog template transformation amazing?!

The template is called 'awesome' and the font is called 'trebuchet' - you can't get much better than that.

We're waiting online for a phone call from Honduras, so you can thank David and Olga and Central American appointment times for the update... (by the way - their daughter is adorable!! and I think i'll just go cry myself to sleep now missing them!)

Also you can tell by the photo I chose I don't plan to update the blog look often. The kids just change too much to be in a static header.

Me?
Well, I'm always like that.
really. that happy.
Honest.
I wish I lived with that perky, awesome girl on my blog.

P.S. Just for fun. Last night Jarod and I were watching 'House' and as always their patient had this super cool disorder - only this time he would "mirror" the Alpha in the room. So all these people got glimpses into their own inner thought life by the patient reading their actual opinions of every situation. I ask Jarod what he would say if he was mirroring me. He's lame - so he wouldn't (either that or he figured there was no way it would end well). So mirror me - what am I actually thinking in that photo?

Ode to motherhood

2010-11-10T09:39:00.003-06:00

On September 12th Joslyn Quinn Gaudry was born in Cabridge, Massachusetts.

On October 11th Levi Duane Denham was born in Hays, Ks.

On October 21st Anna Hunt McCann was born in San Pedro Sula, Honduras.

On October 28th Elliana Faith Bernard was born at Loma Linda, in Southern California.

On November 3rd Ezra Randell Hankin was born in Morristown, NJ.

On November 9th Eugene received official word that he will be adopted into the Lowery family.

I love these children's mothers. In turn I have stocked their various pregnancies and journeys into motherhood (or re-motherhood) over the last 9 months (or two years in Gene-o's case) with awe and prayer. The women who have born these children in the last two months couldn't be more different, but I respect each of them deeply for the unique perspectives and strengths they will raise their children with. I am overjoyed at their safe arrivals, and though I may have been horrible at keeping track of due dates (and wrote this blog so I would have a written record of the births) I am thrilled to be surrounded, even at a distance, by such strong and wonderful mothers.

Let's just say it like this. It is really good to know that at 4 a.m. when my kids are refusing to puke IN the bucket but rather on the 16 stuffed animals they insist on having in their bed – there are women who can understand that in complete empathy and compassion I can firmly say, “Now lay down and puke HERE.” And when they are teenagers... we will be there together too.

Dear new babies - welcome.

Dear new mommies – you've got my number.

P.S. Sam and Andrea.... photos? Maybe a mobile upload even?
P.P.S. If I have already messed up your kid's birthdate please email me the correct one... it got a little confusing :)

May The Force...

2010-10-31T23:20:00.003-05:00

Wish you a happy Halloween - and a good night of sleep

Autumn and Me

2010-10-25T21:55:00.002-05:00

I first noticed a changing of the seasons when I was 21, pregnant with Jude and going on 2 mile walks each day with Marian (our housemate with Alzheimer's). We made the same circle daily and her comments would repeat like clock work, "What beautiful blossoms," "what beautiful leaves," "What lovely colors" - my tour guide through the seasons. For three months we watched the leaves change and fall.

In Kansas, autumn is not a three month dance with nature. Rather it is a gail force wind that hits between 9 and 10 p.m. on any Thursday night in October.
Summer. Wind storm. Winter.

This year though, we have had an autumn. Marian taught me well to watch the trees, and on my drive home from Jude's school twice a day I watch the leaves change - and uncharacteristically Kansas sway in the wind. Our autumn says been a gift. My dad's time has been free as it has been too warm to move trees, the garden is still producing, and gym memberships have been delayed by long evening walks. Almost everyone has been please by it, but with undertones of suspicion.

Ever the practical one, my father sniffed out news of he coming "big freeze" and yesterday picking preparation began in almost every garden, and at 3:25 exactly - a wind came in a and took the leaves.

They say about Kansas that if you don't like the weather all you have to do is stay until tomorrow - it is bound to change - who knows what this day will bring -but we are in for the long haul. I just hope we can get the wood stove installed before it "get's cold and stays cold."

This week's Autumn highlights:

David's awesome Birthday BBQ with Jay's hamburgers and Jessie's pig feet - and some yummy cupcakes:

My family rocks: 6 loads of debris and trees hauled off on a beautiful Tuesday!

Carl cleaning the chimney of 50 year old ash:

Free hats "leftover and unwanted".... what great give aways! And free veggies from Bethesda's giving garden. Have I mentioned before that I think people in need should move to the midwest? Look at that abundance!

Marrina cooking "dumplings" for Jude's international lunch at school - they were a hit - even if she said I made them WAY TO BIG.

And finally Lucy and my mom working in the flowerbed mom has been waiting to transform since April. "i know you don't think about it Amanda but you need to get those spring bulbs in the ground NOW." Thanks mom

Huh... looking at these picture makes me think I have liked the extended Autumn for all the great stuff other people have had time to do for me.... opppsss... :) I guess mayby everyone else is ready for a winter rest.

In a good week

2010-10-18T11:15:00.006-05:00

It scares me how much schizophrenia this house brings out in me. I am humbled by how much of a life process "learning to be content in all things" really is turning out to be. And all those funny cliches about "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans-" Or "When praying don't give God instructions, just report for duty-" would be a lot more amusing if I could get the hang of it. Thankfully for me - once in a great while our plans align and I feel happy... oh so happy... and free.

Please check out the completion of 3 of 7 rooms in the basement....

and not a moment too soon as Daisy - our fourth student arrived shortly after the paint dried (more on her later).

Jarod and Dad had a wonderful week installing doors, ceilings, and working on counter tops and chimneys - thanks to God for weather too warm to have dad busy moving trees.

And every once in a while our remodeling brings joy to everyone's lives as the kids and Sunjin enjoyed an arial view of our neighborhood and the kids spent a long afternoon playing "hide out" in the toilet boxes with their cousin.

A Community Connections event with FHSU international students was hosted at Bethesda Place on Friday night where over 100 students enjoyed wonderful fall weather, garden tours, a hay rack ride, pumpkin chucking in the trebuchet, and a 'weenie roast" and smores.

My brain is coming out of motherhood atrophy as the students allow me to help edit their papers and I couldn't find more enjoyment in our late night work and laugh sessions.

On top of all the good things happening in our lives, our friend Amy is recovering nicely from a scary bout with leg numbness after a LONG labor... and I am planning a trip to California to visit some other friends who are expecting.

And finally - Jude and I reassembled the lost body parts of 23 LEGO men, Jarod's sister survived to tell about her skydiving trip, and this morning Katie showed me a 100 day around the world cruise for $17,000. :)

Hope you all have a good week.

World Cruises

2010-10-11T22:33:00.003-05:00

I don't have time to blog tonight because I am looking up around the world cruises for no reason (Thanks Katie - and they are not $10,000). I may not be accomplishing anything tonight but my friend had a baby today (Congrats Amy and BJ) - and as far as I'm concerned that's enough accomplishment around here anyway.... now back to cruise shopping... Welcome Levi.

... and I choose this one:

Regent Seven Seas Cruises

The Trip: Seven Seas Voyager will sail a 145-night cruise from San Francisco to Southampton. Guests can also choose slightly shorter world cruises, including a 131-night cruise from San Francisco to Rome, 111 nights to Dubai and 86 nights to Bangkok.

The Dates: January 13 - June 7, 2011

Itinerary Segments: San Francisco to Sydney, 41 nights; Sydney to Beijing, 25 nights; Beijing to Bangkok, 20 nights; Bangkok to Dubai, 25 nights; Dubai to Rome, 20 nights; Rome to Southampton, 14 nights.

Prices: Full cruise fares range from $75,999 to $289,999 per person, double occupancy; segment fares begin at $9,999 per person.

Strange ways to warm a woman's heart

2010-10-03T16:27:00.006-05:00

Jarod bought me a freezer about a month ago (not sure if it is because he loves me or because he was tired of hearing about all the great meat sales I had to pass up because of lack of space.) And now due to our mothers who are generous in meat, a few great bread and frozen veggie sales, a few afternoons with a kitchenaid and fall produce, a tamale sale at the Spanish church, and a night of casserole making and trading with my girlfriends – it is full. And I granted my self the wasteful pleasure of a few moments of standing in front of freezing warmth of the “fullness” of it all. Then I proceeded to wake up twice in the middle of the night and check to make sure it was closed securely (Thanks Sommer). How fickle the security of abundance really is.

Other things that warm my heart are:

Fun family interactions like Seonjin and Lucy's new found primping bond.

My dad putting in window frames!

These guys.

These guys.

A friend's beautiful pregnant belly

A brother who can think of nothing better than spending his Sunday afternoon continuing the digging in our accidental swimming pool/pond.

And a crock-pot full of my favorite sweet potato peanut soup for our family meeting tonight.

Things that don't warm my heart:
What on earth are we going to do with that POND! And after hauling over 300 wheelbarrows full of dirt around the house to prevent leaking Jarod calmly comments, “But you see here? That looks like structural weakness. We are gonna have to pull this whole side out. Do you know a brick guy?” GREAT!! So now I have a swimming pool that didn't fix anything.

I think I'll make zucchini bread.

This is called a full freezer avoidance mechanism.

(Photo props here go to Layton... (the strange kid by the pole) - good work for his first time holding an SLR... "here's lookin' at you kid.")

"You should have seen it six months ago"

2010-09-26T15:37:00.004-05:00

Last night we took some friends down into the basement and one of them who was an intregal part of the memorial day sand blasting, said to one who hadn't seen it at it's worst, "You should have DOWN here six months ago." I was walking in front of them and thought he was speaking to me and said, "You should have been DONE here six months ago." He's lucky I'm slow to the draw or he would have had a bloody lip. After I figured out waht he had actually said - I just started laughing. Six months. Things are going well. We have learned SO MUCH. There may be light at the end of the tunnel.... probably somewhere around the time you'll be hanging your Christmas lights... but light is coming and here's a preview:

Each of the three bedrooms has it' own double-sided desk.

This little area is getting a makeover... much more of that later! Jarod just put up these 2 metal panels this afternoon - in all he has 26 more to go at 9 screws into concrete for each one - YIKES!

Here is the old living room now kitchen. We got the cabinets for $100/ the fridge and stove for $350, a friend gave us materials for counter tops - so we should have a pretty functional kitchen for under $800. That is a miracle. You gotta hang on to those.

We still have to put the sink and toilet back in this bathroom and finish the window and ceiling but I can see improvement - can't you?

From kitchen sink to cute little 1/2 bath - that's so small I can't even get in there to get a whole photo. But it is cute - trust me.

And the stair well... the photo doesn't do the change justice... but we have new carpet and it just makes me feel so CLOSE.... to finished

There have been set backs:

Like the "durable floors" who need to give their stain sealing recipe to Crayola - to make a MORE washable marker. Our floor color comes off in a good rain (oh yeah and we are trying to keep the rain from coming IN).

Because if we don't stop the moisture there is no way to stop THIS from happening to the new paint. Thank you efflorescence - you can be going now.)

And there is still plenty more work to be done - here is the trim waiting to be hung by the sheet metal - and those black things by the wall are the cushions to my restaurant booth waiting to be installed... and the list goes on and on...

But there is a ton of other work that has been done - not listed. Like my dad's 3 days he spent making window well covers - and the pool Jay has dug in our side yard - and trees I have cut down (unsupervised...uuuuppppssss) .... The outdoor pictures will be coming in a few weeks... we are loving this fall weather!!

What I'll never do

2010-09-21T09:05:00.002-05:00

I have said to myself, “When this house project is finished I will...

clip coupons
bathe more regularly
do my hair
clean the bathroom once a week (although it gets a lot less gross when I am not washing and brushing my hair)
make homemade bread
grow house plants... maybe even a pineapple indoors
volunteer at Jude's school
visit Vicki
lead a Bible study
hold an English class
go on date nights with Jarod once a month
hold game nights
Volunteer at Bethesda
Work nights at the Mary Elizabeth home
Learn how to use a camera – for real
have a HUGE garden
have a perfect lawn
entertain in my perfect lawn
take “our girls” on weekend road trips
put up produce from my perfect huge garden
have tea with the moms in Jude's class
make fun cupcakes
make crafty “just because” gifts for my friends and anyone I think needs love
audit college classes
make homemade laundry and dish soap
write more interesting blogs
teach children's Sunday school at the Spanish church
get involved with the Chinese organization
get in touch with old friends (Yes, Call YOU)
practice my Spanish
do Yoga
go to Zumba
read a Newspaper... maybe even a political magazine once a week
did I mention clip coupons?”

And today I realized... that I don't spend THAT much time in the basement... and since I don't smoke crack, take meth or speed (or even a high quality B vitamin for that matter)... this is all a big delusion. And then I thought to myself, “how deep does this delusion run?”

Well.... one thing I never even pretended that someday I might do is - iron. I think I'll throw the ironing board in the dumpster next week – because let's face it – if it didn't make this list I don't need to worry about it EVER happening.

So... how about you? What things will you do when you have more time? And what things should I just delete off this list?

**** Note: I wrote this on Friday... then Monday and Today I have a had a weird stomach flu thing and have been nauseously laying in bed saying, "Sorry God... I'd rather be working in the basement, folding laundry, taking my kids to music class, having family over for dinner, and feeling my wonderful healthy self that doesn't get as much done as I'd like." The ability to do SOMETHING each day - no longer taken for granted. Prayers for the chronically ill - added to my list... and I can even say those in the basement :)

Introducing...

2010-09-14T10:14:00.003-05:00

Well, I didn't throw any rocks this week. Thanks for your prayers.

My narrow escape of senseless violence thus far in my life is surely a result of being surrounded by so many beautiful people – not my own gracious nature. For the most part our lives are FULL of amazing individuals who love us, teach us, share themselves with us, and allow us to generally enjoy the image of our Creator that resides with in them. Due to Jarod and I's naturally tendencies there are days we wish to lock ourselves alone in separate rooms to enjoy our perspective hobbies of senseless reading or scouring knowledge to the end of the internet. But generally we'd rather have a late night conversation around our kitchen island with any of the three following girls.... we love them and are so glad that they are becoming a part of our lives – and that our friends and family are so ready to have them become a part of their lives as well.

Zhai Luo (Jessie) 26, China
Jessie has been with us the longest, she has also been in the U.S the longest – having received a masters at Fort Hays as well as attending Columbia in NY – in the last 4 years. She is now working at FHSU in the civic center, partnering strongly with the leadership department and working on women's issues. Besides this she attends classes and is working toward her dream of attending Harvard Law school. Her english is incredible both in pronunciation and vocabulary. We give her a really hard time about how “nerdy” her vocabulary is and are working really hard to “dumb her down to street level.” (Although it Is equally as fun to throw out 6 syllable words we know she will use on a regular basis.) She has a love of travel and adventure – and sometimes almost giddy when I mention trips we'd like to take and tours I don't think she should miss out on... if only we didn't have this house and we had just started a travel agency for international travelers to the US! Route 101 is our top pick... but Jessie has settled for a promised trip to Mount Rushmore and the Bad lands in the spring.
Besides being my equal in a love of travel she is also a TYPE A. She rises early, busily over achieves all day and then talks late into the night on the phone... another habit we take great joy in pointing out. We may learn Chinese just by listening to her one-way conversations (I can already tell by tone of voice when she is talking to her mom!).
We greatly enjoy our conversations with her as she takes current events classes and we get a whole new perspective on politics and personal responsibility. She never fails to challenge us and engage her whole self in our conversations. What a thought provoking display of social energy she adds to our home!

Ma Lina (Marrina) 27, Bejing, China

Marrina has been in the U.S. Only one short year and has the most to gain in her English vocabulary by living with us. In the last six weeks we have seen her improve dramatically and she is quite proud of her progress as well. This past weekend she went on a ladies retreat with me and a group of ladies from the church. She brought a friend but totally impressed me by her willingness to branch out and delve into four hours of unending conversation (i.e. she chose to ride in my mom's van!!) She brings friends around often and initiates all kinds of ways for me to help her with pronunciation and vocabulary. She has a great desire to express her Buddist beliefs with us and understand our worldview. She sleeps the most of the three but I respect that completely – as I would have slept 15 hours a day if given the opportunity in Honduras. She is thinking 10 times as hard as me all day long. She is a wonderful cook and is so proud of Chinese art and culture – bringing us paintings – sharing photos and her travels whenever she is given the opportunity. After receiving her undergraduate in China she worked for the Chinese version of CNN for two years... and she is very proud of her perfect Chinese... of course I can't hear the difference but she is anxious to teach me.
She works incredibly hard in all of her classes, but of the three she is the most “laid back.” We enjoy her company whenever she can find time for us and look forward to getting to know her on a deeper level as her English improves.

Na Seonjin (Sun-jin) 19, South Korea
To be honest, I expected our students to be more Seonjin's age, but with Marrina's English. Although Seonjin is only a freshman in college she has spent her last two years in the U.S. - first as an exchange student in a public high school north of here and then last year at the local Catholic boarding school. She is a beautiful young woman with amazing English pronunciation and a humility and work ethic that are sure to get her far. She desires to return to Korea as an English teacher. It was so cute to see her fretting over whether she would make friends easily and if she would like her new job, et, etc, as she settled in to the fall semester but now she is full steam ahead and as with any teen – we rarely see her. I don't know if she will be with a semester or her whole 4 years here... but we are so glad she chose are home to get comfortable with U.S. college life.

As for the rest of the family – we are thinking Jarod missed his life's calling as an electrician (he finally found something in the basement he likes doing. YEAH!!).... and Lucy and Jude are the most wonderful, adorable, entertaining beings I have ever had any urge to throw rocks at :).

Marrina and I canoeing at the ladies retreat. We didn't even spin in circles once!!!

Games after dinner with our friends Fay and Joe.

Marina and her friend Emma at the hayrack ride at Bethesda's party for international students from TMP.

Rock throwers

2010-09-07T13:37:00.001-05:00

Today, I was driving behind some guy with a bumper sticker and I thought, “I want to throw a rock at him.”

I don't usually have those thoughts. Huh.

It was strange, but I think there are whole groups of people I might want to throw rocks at if given the opportunity. That is really bad and I think I will make it a matter of serious prayer. I didn't know I was a rock thrower.

But also I feel as though I have gained a whole new perspective on the conflicts in the Middle East and on Jesus' explanation that to hate is to murder. Because hatful people throw rocks and start wars and lead to general not-peace on earth. That would be ME on the way home from Christian kindergarten. What a day.

Have a good week. Next week I will be introducing you to some people I do NOT want to throw rocks at.... at least most of the time. :)

Documented

2010-08-31T15:11:00.004-05:00

Jude's unsolicited portail of his family: Jarod, Lucy, Jude, Me, Marrina, Seonjin and Jessie

I suppose if ICE or the INS came to take away one of our girls they would be better off showing their SS cards and Students Visas than Jude's family drawing. This kind of "documentation" for "belonging" just doesn't count. And it shouldn't... in some ways.

We must have order and processes to keep everyone safe and sane. We have countries, rules, and dividing lines for very good reasons. And as I sit here praying that God's will - will in fact be gracious in the lives of our dear friends waiting to hear if they are indeed going to be deported - I am thinking it is a good thing that I am not in charge of immigration. I draw very fuzzy lines... I need very little documentation. Give me a drawing that says - "they are our friends: They help us, and love us, and understand us and work to make our community and their children's lives better"... and I'd let them stay.

Waiting for the call to hear the government's verdict on our friend's future - I received word that the government did indeed decide to mail us the check we have been waiting on since May. And all the excitement I felt for that $8,000 is gone. And I'd send it all back to say, "There is room for one more family here... we can share... somehow it is all gonna work out." We can all be a big happy family...

Acclimation:
noun
adaptation to a new climate (a new temperature or altitude or environment)
WE CAN DO IT!!!

Our kids when they woke up and our house was 75, "mama - me wear jacket... no - WITH hat!!"

State of the semester

2010-08-23T22:18:00.005-05:00

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:4-5

Our Family - fall Semester 2010

I love semesters. Not necessarily school but semesters. Perhaps we are all so conditioned by them after 16 years of school we don't function as well without their confinement. We have been “semesterless” for 5 years now, and I have contemplated becoming a teacher just to get life back to those convenient 'bite-size pieces' with long recesses. But alas – the boy goes to school and our lives will conveniently be packaged into that schedule for the next 14 years. And the girls start today as well... so over half of our family is “semestered”. And I am feeling hopeful. We are not perhaps starting the semester where I had anticipated. BUT the basement is painted (ish). And we've learned a lot on the way to that coat of paint.

Personal growth is a lot like painting – Saturday we “painted” the basement in only 8 hours with the help of Pastor Rafael and his sprayer. Seems quick. Seems quick - when you forget about the prep work... the 1,000 hours and 90 days of labor to get to that 8 hours. Seems quick - when you neglect the fact that the big hopes and dreams for painting started on Memorial day when I bought the paint for 50% off. And I LIKE the 8 hours of painting where the progress looks AMAZING. Paint changes things. But the 1,000 hours before the painting changed things too. Stealthily. I wasn't such a fan of the stealth.
This semester will not be a painting semester – it will be a prep work semester. A stealth semester. I expect no grand educational miles stones... only endless hours of sounding out letters and singing silly songs. I expect more hours of potty training and whining reformation. I don't expect to start any English classes or Bible studies from our home... to have an outreach ministry at all... just more late night talks and sharing of photos and dreams. I expect we will learn about the Zodiac and our children will surpass us in Chinese. We will play uno and chess... we will share recipes and go over budget. We will continue to be humbled by the generosity of our friends and community... as we were Friday when we were given 2 couches and a VAN. We will be humbled until we cry and question why THEY have the faith that this is all a good idea and we aren't going to screw it up... when we don't. And all this time we will be “preped” together... that one day we may be painted into somethings... someones beautiful... people worthy of the trust and grace already given to us. We will one semester begin to have our lives and the lives others painted with the beauty of God's grace in vivid and unimagined colors. We will move toward that... one semester at a time – together.

Thank you Pastor Rafael!!!

Isn't it pretty?

Goodbye summer 'parking' buddies... it has been fun... let's get together soon... somewhere COOLER!

Maysyn's birthday.... I think 3 is a charm when it comes to kiddos... I am looking forward to her spending time with us this year!

We bought this rice August 17th... how long will it last?....

With these happy cooks around!

Jude and his teacher Mrs. Lowery. He is going to a 1/2 day Christian school this year before we make the big leap into full day public school.

Jude with his best little friend Alie on there way to the classroom. It all went so smoothly except for the little girl fighting to get in the photo. What will she ever do without her "bwuver"???

P.S. After I wrote all this encouraging sap about how slow progress is good progress... our basement flooded again... pretty much exactly the same as it did at our last rain – four months ago. Have I mentioned that moving forward “stealthily” often times feels like moving backward?

This guy is no longer allowed at our house at stressful times. "yep - it pretty much looks like a lake down there."
THANKS MERLE.

Success

2010-08-16T10:18:00.004-05:00

"Six hours seems like a long way to go camping," says Andrea... and I suppose she's right - if we didn't live in the hottest, driest, windiest state in the middle of no where. But we do. And it was incredible how reshreshing it was just to be a ble to go outside without wilting. We probably wouldn't have gotten around to this had Megan not gotten married. So thanks Meg. It was amazing.

Also, Jude is now the official family photographer and he is doing a great job!

End of Summer

2010-08-10T15:50:00.002-05:00

Apparently we have never in 9 years of marriage (that's right 9 years tomorrow) actually needed a vacation. Sure we have gone to visit people, to explore, to have an adventure - but never to "get away." But tomorrow we leave for Colorado for an end of summer camping trip and Megan and Paul's wedding - and homeownership has brought the joys of "getting away" to a whole new level. I am so excited that when Jude woke me up at 6 a.m. this morning to say, "we are late you said we would leave early." I wanted to just leave right then. We have the fishing pole, bat and baseball mitt, hiking shoes, sleeping bags and enough junk food to ENSURE cavities packed and by the back door. Three days in temperatures below 100 with my 3 favorite people in the world... all to be topped off by a wedding at a haunted hotel on Friday the 13th. Who could ask for more?
Actually, the only thing I may be looking forward to more than getting away is the "getting back" after a few days of refreshing. This last week my cousin Luke came and spent the night - and we had a GUEST ROOM. My mom had a party for my Aunt Vonda and as Jessie and Marrina squeezed into our car with the kids... I thought "We are going to need a minivan... and this is going to be awesome." The students have invited friends over for dinner - Joan and Bob got home from an amazing trip to Alaska and showed a slide show on Jarod's big screen - and ....... I STAINED THE FLOORS. We should have paint in the basement by the end of August! There are so many beautiful things going on right now in my life I feel like I should just stop and say a prayer of thanks.
"Thank you God for all the people who fill our house... for kids to babysit... for students to learn from... for an amazing husband and abundant laughter... for family who does more than "pitch in"... and a community we want to be a part of... and mostly right now thank you that the floors are pretty."
I'm shallow - I know - but my floors are pretty and I have been waiting for this since Memorial day.
How was your summer?

2010-07-31T18:17:00.004-05:00

After my grandpa died I wrote my grandmother's eulogy and gave it to her. I thought it was pretty lame that we all sat around saying nice things about a person after they were dead. So that was nine years, five moves and two hip surgery's ago and I am starting to wonder if living the expectancy of someone's death keeps them alive. Lord knows we never leave my 94 year old grandmother's side without a huge hug and breathing deeply of her scent because we know it could be our last.

So last week I told you I would post a little something about Lu – and I am going to keep that promise, because today could strangely enough be her last (here's hopin' this tribute keeps here alive too.)... (Jarod just spent 3 hours playing Legos with Jude... so Bryce - Jude thanks you for that.)

Lucy, like the “perfect storm” is a terrible (meaning awesome) combination of my mother, sister-in-law, and myself. Sadly, we are the three women I know who have given their mother's the most grief in this world. And though Barbara has trained me well not to “speak evil but only good” over my family – there is nothing more depressing than optimism – so I brace myself. I read books like “Are you going to wear that?” by Deborah Tannen (well most of it anyway.) And I catch my words as they come careening toward my mother like a freight train - “Note to self – when Lucy says something that awful in a few years she really means, “Mother I love you but I need MY SPACE... I just happen to need a very large space... ”
We all joked that Bryce was like a Bull in a china shop and it was easy to understand at his size. But Lucy – how can we stand in trepidation of what a 2 year old might do?
I never had a sibling, but I know it is dangerous to compare the two. But that is all we know. Where Jude asked “Why?” continually Lucy answers every question with a flippant “because.” And if you ask again it becomes “BEE – CAUSSSEE.” Where Jude asked “what doing?” Lucy watches for like 10 seconds, then grabs the spoon, shoe, or scissors and says, “Me do... me self.” Where Jude hated going to bed Lucy flies to her bed with her blankie, sleeps well and then lays there for 20 minutes every morning... as if she has to prep herself up for another day being her.
Being “her” pretty much involves being completely adorable when her mouth is shut and she is doing what she wants and being mostly adorable when she is following her brother around mimicking every last word and action (she frequently asks for an i-pod and to play legos and the only princess she knows is princess Laya). She is hysterical as she tries to pick out her clothes (experiencing clothing crises that would frighten a grown woman), eats her food – messily and with such joy - puts on her chapstick, talks on her phone, and changes her shoes 5 times a day. Her adoration for her father and grandparents and little friends bring smiles to everyone's faces.
And then there is the whining – which seems to be the only vocal inflection that God gave her – meaning Lucy has never requested and received anything from me the first time. We have this song and dance of the initial whine request, the follow up asking for a different tone of voice, and the following ten minutes of battle... just to say, “rice krispies please” - before 8 a.m. And the rest of our day follows in suit – battle upon battle – independence forming at the speed of light. We figure we have until Jude is 12 until he is pretty much beyond our influence. With Lu we have until 6 if we are lucky. So she teaches me to pray, pick my battles, and to dispense grace as frequently as I demand it from my Father. It is going to be a fun ride with this little one... and how I pray it doesn't end shortly. I will be a better woman because she exists... I hope she will be because of me... and I will take no offense if we have to live on separate continents to keep the peace.

Awkwardness of Death

2010-07-22T22:21:00.003-05:00

If death is going to come upon us suddenly, suffocating a soul from our midst on a hot summer afternoon, it could at least come with civility. But no, instead, death comes sneakily and rudely, leaving us all standing in a room feeling more exposed and awkward than had we shown up to church naked with warts.
Those naturally talkative become unbearably annoying and overpowering. Those naturally quite slide along the brick walls until their fingers bleed. The teenagers text "my bro is dead" to someone... somewhere... and the old men look down at something... down there... very interesting. The family divides try to fit themselves back together like puzzle pieces that have been gnawed by a dog. We cry with strangers... and wonder if it is possibly ok – not to cry – for just a moment.
Because what do you say? (I'm sorry - 1000 times). What do you do? (Buy the third 20 lb. bag of ice - just in case.) When a perfectly healthy kid who pushed your daughter on the tire swing less than 24 hours ago - “doesn't make it” ? Is taken by a “freak accident” or the “Will of God”? I'll tell you what we did.
We stood around like a 200 lb. 13 year old boy who doesn't quite know when to bathe, when to talk, when to laugh, or what to do.

We were all awkward today Bryce – in honor of you – and we would have done anything to get another wiff of your unbathed beastly body and catch a glimpse of your half smile on your sunburned face. So much for all of our worry over skin cancer. You would have made an excellent Grandpa... we always thought you were made for being the world's best giant teddy bear grandpa, since you were 2 years old and had that walker... you were so darn cute...
Then you got awkward... and we all knew you'd grow out of it... and then you died... and we all got awkward... and I wonder... will we grow out of it or will there always be this giant teddy bear shaped hole in the room any time we get together? If you weren't so big... if you weren't so young...

New Hobby

2010-07-20T20:21:00.004-05:00

Some Work (and great workers!!!!):

Some Fun:

In the last two weeks - somewhere between scrubbing and staining the basement floors, pull off a huge garage sale in 105 weather, depositing the over $1000(!), recovering from my worst sunburn in years, throwing 2 birthday parties, going to the lake, having our air conditioner break, suffering from nightmares about NOT finishing the basement by August 15 (which looks like it is a reality), and taking the kids to Toy Story and to library I have picked up an AWFUL hobby.
The hobby of NOT reading- reading books is a very dangerous thing - I believe it it the source of a lot of pain, suffering and miscommunication throughout history - not to mention the source of really BAD doctrine, and some horribly misrepresented recipes. But it is so easy to do.
You want to read, you are at the library - so you pick a book and skim, half chapters here and end notes there- then you are out of time - and probably in 2 months I will have convinced myself I read the whole thing - and be telling you all about it with passion - and really not having a clue what is going on. I have not read books on cosmology, African politics, communication, and the Salem witch trials this month. I should really just get a magazine - they are so nicely divided into bedtime reading segments... but none spark my interest (and to be painfully honest I have a weird aversion to reading anything on a page 8X10 or larger or from a screen - which explains my painful lack of knowledge of current events.)
All this to say, if I claim to have "read" something any time soon - ask me the context... and if I hand you a book with highlighted sections - please send me to rehab. Jarod has this book in our personal library called "How to Read a Book"... neither of us have ever read it... but I am pretty sure this isn't how it is done. But I shall continue until my life slows down... which sadly means I may never read a book again. My life is full. I wouldn't trade it for the world - but I would add an extra 4 hours to each day if possible... just for really reading.

P.S. Next week I am really going to try to upload some videos of Lucy... at 2 she is more than I can handle. Today at the lake the wind really started blowing and as she stood in the surf screaming, "STOP IT, STOP IT, NO MORE!!!" to the increasing storm, I thought of Christ calming the storm with His words and then mused, "Well. that's about right - we start trying to play God at about 2, and continue in frustration and ineffectualness until grace intervenes." Intervene dear Lord... because we haven't a clue.

My ideas

2010-07-13T22:35:00.002-05:00

Some of them are so bad I can't imagine how I imagine them... for example the garage sale we are having this weekend. Originally planned in hopes to clean out the garage of parts from remodel, furniture from former renters, and clothes from storage my kids grew out of before they got a chance to wear. Then I thought we might actually be able to make some money... and maybe buy a dehumidifier for the basement... if some other people had some junk to get rid of. So this week, we will be sorting, pricing and selling the good s from a dozen families!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH. (P.S. I think there is room for more!)
The problem with this is that Jarod is latching on to his childhood Nintendo that we could sell for $100, and Jude has latched on to a 3 foot stuffed moose. NOT how to clean things out. Now... while I wallow in my insanity and argue over which items we are keeping or selling with my family in 105 weather.... at least I will be basking in my good idea of the week:

To hire a couple of guys, for a couple of hours to finish the stucco work. 5 days labor. Done. Thanks Rafael and Juan - they look great...

4th

2010-07-06T21:25:00.005-05:00

By far and away the best holiday for living in the Midwest is the 4th of July.
We eat. We blow stuff up.
We throw caution and calories to the wind. No matter the wind speed – or the weather – we will celebrate our independence. (One year we postponed Halloween for snow but we have NEVER postponed the 4th – because people would just blow stuff up that day – and the next.)

Hot dogs, homemade ice cream, fountains and Roman candles so large they give a grown man a 'kick-back'. And this year – aerials were legal with in city limits... sure the first year I have a garage roof to worry about!

It is almost as if the more 'cultured' states know they are missing out too. As Jessica says, “I know you are out there blowing stuff up while we in Portland are still sipping our espresso out of bowls like the French.” Yep... and Jude – at 5 – is an ol' pro.

The fun started Friday night – the night before fireworks were legal and we happened across our neighbors blowing some stuff up at 11:30 as we were cleaning out our mudding trays in the back yard. After a few small explosions we moseyed over to another neighbor's dumpster to look at an abandoned bike. As a policeman pulled to a stop in the alley and asked, “Were you lighting off fireworks?” Paul turns – punk and ammunition in hand and says, “No, we were just looking at this old bike.”
To which the policeman, somewhat confused says, “You know you do have a punk and firework in your hand.” Ah... the holiday that turns us all into teenagers again.

Saturday was the first official party with a great little BBQ over at Megan and Paul's (I am sure you will hear more about them since we 'happenstance' will be living next door to my best friend from childhood when they get married next month!) (P.S. Thanks guys for NOT having hot dogs – 4 meals in a row – was plenty.) We supplied the homemade ice cream with Red and blue chunks. It was my first time to make it all by myself – since Jarod was busy holding sick little lucy with a 105 temp.

Sunday, we kept our tradition of hot dogs, music, and a second batch of homemade ice cream at the old Fort with all of the guys and Jarod's parents... that is until Lucy puked. While hauling the ice for the ice cream bucket – Jude looked at me in all seriousness and asked, “Now why don't we buy this at the store?”

Our Romanian friends similarly commented on Monday night at Paul's birthday, saying that mine doesn't have as much cream. Maybe it isn't as good – maybe it is all in my head – but my head tells me that 4 nights in a row wouldn't be a bad idea :). We also finished of Merle and Toni's fireworks at their third, final, and ONLY fireworks show that didn't get shut down by the police. Thanks for keeping it G rated for the kids guys!

(Some of the costume's at Paul's B-day party)

Merle in his element

Oh, and lest you think we haven't been in the basement between explosions and traditional gorging, I have written a little poem. Jarod continually reminds me of the power of semantics... the importance of rewording to change a perception – so I gave it a shot – can words turn pure hate to something lovely and liberating? You judge for yourself:

Oh, my basement walls
how I touch you, caress you
again and again
peeling your wrapping, layer by layer
that I may know you fully
See you bare before me.
One day – you will be undone
And I will be free.

slightly desperate

2010-06-29T11:50:00.003-05:00

This was Lucy's stuffed puppy.

These were white.

That's how good I am at laundry.
That will teach Lucy to take off her diaper and then pee in her bed.

This is how I babysit... "only 30 more buckets kids."

This is our crowd to watch "Money Pit" - the first movie showing on Jarod's father's day TV - which I let the kid's purchase with their savings. (Hey it was a great buy, perfect timing, and they had the cash!)

The pictures of the remodel this week are highly top secret ... things got a little out of hand - but no one died... although I swore Uncle Donny was digging his own grave at one point.

I think I should change the name of my blog: "The chronicles of a slightly desperate housewife and below par mother."

what I have I've been thinking ...

2010-06-22T22:59:00.003-05:00

In no particular order of importance while scraping paint and trying NOT to think about how much more there is to do...

I have been thinking how amazing it is that I have a 3rd cousin from half way across the country - that I have seen sporadically throughout the decades, but when she and her two boys show up for a night I feel like my long lost sister has come home. I wish they'd all move in next doors and more kids talk about them for days afterward. Our grandpa's were brothers and our grandma's are sisters - so we are double related and I have always wondered if that has made us somehow genetically more compatible or something... but it was a great visit and now I have a road trip to Atlanta to day dream about!

I have been thinking about Jessie. She is leaving tomorrow for a month long trip bak to China (smart for her, since the house got up to 90 today!). And my kids are already going to miss her so much. I think maybe we didn't think through how having to say "goodbye" to all of these people who will live in our house will affect our kids over the years. But tonight while playing Uno with 4 of the girls and watching Jude try to teach them a little Spanish while he quickly picks up Chinese, I have no doubt - we will all be better for the lifestyle we have chosen - no matter how difficult it may be. Bye Jessie - see you in a month!

I have been thinking about led paint chips. Who knew they could be so entertaining? They fall from the ceiling like many shaped clouds to spark young imaginations. When they land they become thick coloring paper - and if you get hungry a snack. (Think I could submit this to family circle as a family bonding activity?)

If not, maybe they'd prefer the basement mud puddle swimming. Ahhh... pressure washing a basement. A perfect family activity when the temperature spikes over a hundred. Completely UV protected.

Speaking of power-washing my basement. Jay was at it with a shop vac again today. The man has put in more hours than anyone on this house (other than my dad - who apparently has a death wish by heavy machinery). Anyway, Jay is volunteering his time of his own free volition (and I have even cut off the soda supply) and I am beginning to think he is a lot smarter than we give him credit for. He has built an amazing retirement plan in 2 short months. Who else has a guaranteed themselves FANTASTIC treatment from someone 30 years their younger? Unless I die in a freak train wreck, I owe him as many bowls of hand fed ice cream as his little heart desires!

While Jay is planning for the future - David is living it up now. I think he is on 4 consecutive days of nothing but playing with small children and pitting cherries.

I have been thinking about how strange it is that people come into your life and go - and sometimes come back 4 years later when you least expect it (like our little friend Annie) - or perhaps they come back every 4 hours like our neighbor boy Jason... none-the-less - our life is full of unexpected people -... and there always seems to be just enough food and plenty of smiles to go around.

My aunt said once that she strove for a better life driven by a memory of her mother struggling with wood to fill their stove in the basement. I wonder - will my daughter remember these days of my misery? Perhaps she'll never buy a house... because of some repressed basement horror. Or maybe she'll have an incomprehensible love for ONLY NEW construction.

I have been thinking of how awesome Bethesda's CSA is going to be next year. With the rains we have been having this year we have had asparagus, cherries, onions, broccoli, lettuce, strawberries, plums , apricots, cabbage, plus a million other foods I am forgetting.... Anyway, next year we are going to organize one awesome share program and I spend my days dreaming of organizational schemes.

I have been thinking about Urraco.

I have been thinking about how charmed my life is...
when I am NOT thinking about the basement.

No blog

2010-06-17T21:56:00.002-05:00

Just a recanting of last week's blog - there will be no life AND basement remodel. This week there was life - it was nice - a vision of the future. It will be nice to help international students with homework and have a guest room for company passing through. It will be nice to have family dinners with space for 15 people. It will be nice to go to the lake with my parents each summer for the next 20 years. That will be nice - WHEN THE BASEMENT IS DONE. So that is where I will be until then.

Coming back

2010-06-09T21:53:00.002-05:00

So how are you? I really want to know. I feel like I am climbing out of this all-absorbing-self focus hole we dug.... but it is a long climb... and I hadn’t wanted to admit how far down we were.
Sure, most of our family conversations still either begin or end with something to do with the house. Our “free time” is still absorbed by internet search of price comparing ventilation systems and concrete sealers. There is a 40 hour work week - on top of the 40 hour work week (but that is a cut back). And my poor father is still spending more “quality time” with me grinding tar off basement floors than I am sure he ever imagined.
And yes, we have been changed by this. I have biceps for the first time in my life. I am on a first name basis with 5 guys at the hardware store and I have home depot’s phone number memorized. We know about strippers, grinders, and blasters now. And we have plenty more to learn. There is a long journey ahead of us, but this week the house fit into life - instead of the other way around.
There was a full week of home cooked meals, 2 baby showers, Vacation Bible School, daily drop-ins of various international students, cousin sleep-overs, trips to the pool, park, museum and a relay for life. Life “after” the house project was an illusion - but life during the house project ... may yet be a possibility - IF you’ll have us.

All that to say... I haven't yet remembered to take PHOTOS of life outside the house project... but maybe next week - you gotta be patient with me.

"holiday" Survived

2010-06-01T15:22:00.006-05:00

Well, we survived the tornado of last week and the sandstorm of this week. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Friday night....

"sealing off the upstairs" - Jude says, "stand back mom - this is a job for me!"... and I can kind of tell a five year old did it by how much dust settled over this place.

Saturday morning...

Dad "going in"

by Saturday at noon the fire department had been called and our insurance company drove by REALLY slow... as did almost everyone who drove by that day.

Saturday night....

It's kind of a mess...

Monday night...

When one is just as likely as turn their house into a beach as a livable apartment you start to feel a little desperate

Tuesday....

(Same spot as the sand art - only with well used tools!)

I am telling you people - I wouldn’t trade our family for ANYTHING. 2 tons of sand, dirt and paint chips in 4 hours. They rock!

We also had a close call with a 20K window expenditure but a really nice city inspector told me everything I needed to hear to put my little freakin’ out heart to rest.

Jessie moved in the last night after the kids were in bed and left for work this morning before they were up, so I am looking forward to the next few weeks of getting to know her.... and adjusting to life that is a little more multifaceted. I better go cook dinner... that actually sounds so relaxing.

Here are a few photos of the house - the day we got our first student: It ain't done - but it is home. I know - I have already dusted it a half dozen times.

Laundry room

Bathroom

Kid's room

Guest room

Women's "Loft"

Back entrance

Life Unexpected

2010-05-25T22:44:00.005-05:00

So tonight, as Jarod was trying to capture a bat in our living room without injuring it - I couldn’t help but laugh and think, “Huh - I would have never thought to put this on my to do list.”
When will I learn to let it go - and enjoy the unexpected? To roll with the punches? To ride the waves? To heed all of the annoying cliches? I do not know.
But some unexpected came this way our week - and they were fun. Bats, blue jays, my aunt and uncle coming for a visit, my sister-in-law doing a choreographed dance in a wedding dress in a back yard, my ‘brothers’ hauling an entire room of concrete out of my basement - as well as 4 other loads of garbage on their “days off,” Lucy enjoying her first ring-pop, and dozens of fuzzy little peaches hanging on tree I swore was an apple.
Other unexpected things came this week - not so fun - Jarod throwing his shoulder out (you would have thought it would be the uncoordinated men in their 50’s hauling concrete - but NO it’s Jarod sleeping wrong), bad news from family members (that probably wouldn’t have come as such a shock if we weren’t so self absorbed - please do tell us if there are any other elephants in the room that we are missing!), and finally when our house got up to 90 degrees and I wanted to open the windows and turn on the fans - I realized that half our windows don’t open and that there was still a good 1/2 inch of dust on the tops of the ceiling fans. OOPPPSSS.
Well, the next week involves sandblasting and our first tenant moving in - so I have a feeling a few more shocks are on the way. However, both my parents and Jarod’s parents just called to say that a tornado is heading our way... so I should go “batten down the hatches” - because if a storm hits us hard I really can’t say IT was unexpected - now CAN I?

Leave it to Chrissy to have trentenira. We celebrated her 30th b-day with Latin 15th birthday customs. Bob changed the shoes - and we are all so glad she is finally a woman... wonder when I'll get there.

Here are the best brothers in the world hauling off our nasty basement. The quote of the week was Randy, dripping with sweat - as sincere as can be, "Manda, thank you for letting me rip up your junky old tile." Ummmm... You're welcome? That just doesn't seem right. Oh yeah - and he got hit in the head with a cinder block - talk about unexpected :)

And finally- I thought catching bats was a strange way to end the evening. The basement has finally come in good for something.

GOOD NIGHT from 703 Fort

We interrupt this project...

2010-05-18T22:37:00.003-05:00

To start another one. Really? We really want to do this? 12 weeks. Ready, set, go. BASEMENT

The kitchen sink - isn't in the kitchen... it's in the hall under the steps. So that's gotta change.

The bathroom - well - it's a gonner - I mean jackhammer, sandblaster already scheduled kinda' gonner

The bedrooms - oh wait - the entire basement has moisture issues.

And the storage room - you can tell the family who had lived here for 50 years cleaned out the whole house and then got to this room and said "We're done."

Me too. I'm done. I think I'll take a vacation and let my husband and father handle this one. Or maybe I'll just keep decorating. Like the dining room? We are getting there. (oh all the "after" photos are late at night... I'll take better lit ones - someday...)