Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Not the first rodeo


So this month we have welcomed our 20th student into our home. Outgoing and ongoing students have completed their yearly evaluations and we are contemplating the changes that have been made to us, by us and in us – as well as the changes we need to make. The evaluations are always a shock – completely proving to us how truly terrible we are at reading the student's unspoken opinions, needs and emotions. So... we are working on it. Constantly working on readjusting our expectations and interpretations of our cross cultural interactions. All that being said – that fact remains: This is no longer our first rodeo. We know now that the semester is going to flow like a roller coaster or a raging rapid – not a steady stream. We know that unspoken frustrations are going to fester and it apparently takes more than the jaws of life to pull them out into the open where there is healing. We know that each and every day the students are going to be EXHAUSTED from operating in a second language and foreign culture. We have invited in 6 people who have no choice to live in survival mode. We know that now. The buck of that isn't quite as shocking. Neither are the bruises from truth spoken in broken-blunt English. We know how cleanliness and quality time rank on their list of priorities – and how far pre-planning is out of their mode of operation. We know how late the nights get and how early the mornings come. We know that personality differences and family background take longer to unpack when intertwined with a culture not our own. We know that often times the culture and family differences are so OVERWHELMING they don't even know where to start with the questions... don't even know what piece of the puzzle to pick up first. We know that we are not what they expected. We know we are often not the people they hoped we would be. No matter what. Money gets in the way, time gets in the way, food gets in the way. Period. And because this isn't our first rodeo: we must be a little crazy to keep coming back... because you see – you know before you start all you can really hope for is a good 8 seconds and to not get kicked too hard in the head. And probably – eventually – you will. Get both – I mean. And I guess we think it is worth it still.

And I was thinking about Jesus... and I was thinking about all that the students have taught me about Him. And I was thinking that I am not His first rodeo either. When He invited me into his home... to adjust to the culture of His kingdom... he was not surprised to find me exhausted and operating in survival mode. He knew from days one that my mode of operation is completely contrary to the good and beautiful plan He has for my life. My bucks and bruises do not surprise him, my priorities and poor planning do not overwhelm Him. He was not surprised to find me an ungracious and ungrateful tenant of His universe. He is not surprised that I spend more time and energy trying to hide my emotions than it would ever take to share them. He is not surprised at how seldom I ask for advice... and then only in a REAL pinch. And He – just like us – would just like to help. He is so available to work things through... bit by bit... surprise by surprise. And He's got all the 8 seconds in the world... to go over it again... and again... and again with me... but maybe the statement he made to Saul on the road to Damascus was really meant for me, “It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”

It is. It is. And one day... this wild heart will be broken... not to pieces – but to peace. And I will not buck and I will not kick. I will not operate in survival mode but one who has truly found her Sabbath rest.

And I am so grateful to have found the One who thinks I'm worth it still.

Take #20... today.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day to me.

I am sitting in bed listening to my daughter cough in her sleep just HOPING she doesn't wake up.
I am sitting in bed after letting my husband go take care of my family even after he threw up last night and informed me that he has an ear infection and “might be allergic to the sun.” (???)

Yes, I am that selfish of a person. I want to write and be alone that badly.

I have written nothing but TO DO lists, speeches, eulogies and letters to the governor this month. I have been alone exactly 20 waking seconds in the last 30 days. So here goes a summary of the month I may have cancelled if I had seen it coming on my calendar – but a month I wouldn't now trade for the world. If you have been a part of it in any way – thank you.
_____________________________

First my children were sick for so many days that they became professional patients. To the point that one night in bed they asked for, “homemade vanilla pudding with a maraschino cherry on top.” They knew they would get it because they had gone at least 4 days without really feeling up to eating anything.



Then there was easter and baptisms. 

And our friend Sawsan randomly returning from Saudi Arabia bringing gifts 
 


And then there was THE SALE

And Grandma coming to the sale :).

And fitting in random trips to the museum and time to celebrate birthdays.
 

And a wonderful work day at Bethesda 

And then grandma passed away and Palmer came to visit.


And then 23 days of this...
and this...


And celebrating Joan's birthday like this...
and this...
and this...
and a trip to a zoo where the only animals where these two.

 And then there was First Communion

 And two school programs and a school fundraiser and a field trip and and field day 


And the building of Jurassic Park Islands

And a trip to Home Depot turned craft day 

And an Ice Cream Social
 

And an impromptu BBQ on a perfect spring day


And cleaning out the pool.
 

And the last Bible Study for the semester


 And the Symphony  


And little family reunions 
 
 

And a Garden Day... 


 Full of old memories



 and new friends...

an undercover CSI agent... complete with hidden handcuffs

amazing music

faithful volunteers

garden advice

(mom looking at a photo of Bruce's crops and realizing why I always call Uncle Bruce instead of asking she and dad)

moments of peace...

moments of mothering...

 Moments of miracles... 



Yesterday our shirts simply read, “love is patient.”
That's what life as a mom, a daughter, a wife, a caregiver, a friend is:
A lesson in learning patience. 
An opportunity to grow in love.






Happy Mother's day to me... time to get today's lesson going